Could I have autism?

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Hi, I'm a 25 year old woman.
My son recently has been assessed for HFA, but when his paed told me symptoms, I realised I had them all.
I have always struggled as a child, but I put it down to losing my sibling and becoming unruly. I didn't listen, and it wasn't as though I broke the rules, I just didn't think they existed, or were pointless and would be ignored. I took this into my adult life, even with the law. Stealing from big companies and speeding, I didn't seem and don't seem to have a filter. Only now I have realised I could get into trouble I feeel as thoughI am learning how to adjust to become a normal, respectful citizen.
I really feel as though I have never fitted in, despite being popular at school; I felt as though I was different, I dressed different to make a statement of this. I often felt like people thought things of me, bad things, and felt like I was being bullied but I never was, and kids would pick up on this and tease me for that.
I find I always get irritated when I need to concentrate if someone else distracts me I get angry; same if my work goes wrong, I get anxious and upset.
I love art, am good at maths and geometry, shapes and measurements, I remember visually, and via patterns (eg phone numbers, I know the pattern it makes on a keypad; rather than the numbers.)
I struggle to look people in the eye. It's painful to do so for me. I feel my eyes burning into theres, which leads to anxiety and me saying stupid unrelated stuff, I pretend I don't struggle but it's so hard, I squint my eyes together as though in pain, it becomes physical. I'm scared people are aware of this; not that it really matters, I'm still self concious of it.
If there's any type of light it affects me, I can't stand there being a flickering or flashing light: my eyes are constantly drawn to it. Or even a lamp in the corner.
I talk to anybody. Literally if I'm in my 'confident' mood, I'll just talk randomly to people, strangers, I enjoy it; people/friends have said. Why do you meet friends everywhere you go. I just like to talk to people and be nice.
If a group of people in general laugh or find something funny, it's rare I will share their humour; I often sit back and think what a group of fools. I know that sounds mean but I don't mean it, I just don't think their humour is good. But I do know humour, I'm not a bore.
I can not stand being part of a group, I need to be different, more so I need to opposed to want to. I can't work in a team, I like to produce my own work with my own ideas.
I am overly loyal, even to people I hardly know but like. I stick up for people and don't really care for consequence, so shame.
I drop things constantly; phones bags money cups. Just lose my grip, spill food down me. It just happens so easily. I don't mean it.
I am socially awkward although I said I speak to everyone or anyone, I also can be severely socially awkward.
If someone won't do something I asked or need I will get depressed and can't understand why thy won't do it; if I would do it; why can't they? Why won't they? Do they not like me?
If someone doesn't message me back say on social networking or text, I think I have done something wrong, I often message agai asking if I have done something, this makes them think I'm weird and paranoid and I lose friends over it.
I think out loud rather than in my mind. I will be speaking about something; and I will change th topic a hundred times. And not even realise it. People struggle to keep up with me. Every day is a battle, effort. I do struggle with mental health; such as anxiety; depression, but it's all because or the above.
And I just wondered if any of you people could see any traits in my symptoms?
I am also extremely hyperactive at times.
I'm desperate for an answer so I can at least fit in somewhere in the world, and not just feel so alone, even in a room full of people
Thanks to those who have got this far in reading.
Hx

Who knows? You might have some of autism.

If you could afford it, try to get an autism specialist to assess you--if you so desire.

But this doesn't scream "autism" to me, necessarily, though there are autism characteristics within your post. It seems more like ADHD. Obviously, I would have to be around you in person for a least a couple of days in order to really "assess" you.

It screams that you had a bit of a hard life, and now that you have a son, you're going to settle down and raise him. Which is great.

Whether it turns out you have autism, or you don't:

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

You could be.

Or you could have a general anxiety, depression, and motor skills deficiently.

You can have all of these and not be autistic.

Not to be mean, next time you type a long post, could you put a space between each paragraph/statement.
It would make it so much easier to read.

How much does it matter to you?

If you are comfortable with yourself as you are, then you probably needn't worry about it.

You could get diagnosed, but you probably don't need to be. And based on the symptoms, it could a lot of disorders or maybe it isn't a disorder at all and your just like that.
The thing about psychology is that if you look through it you'll find dozens and dozens of different things that you have the traits for, but that doesn't mean you have the disorder. It's very nuanced and it's based almost entirely upon how well you can cope with it.

I don't see the "withdrawing into oneself" aspect necessary for one to have autism.

You seem to be more "outward" in outlook.

No one here knows. Even if someone on here were an expert e.g psychologist, psychiatrist they couldn't know. You need to get a proper evaluation. Making a post here isn't conducive to you finding out if you do or do not.

Sure! Have all you want!

But no dessert until you're finished!




(...a little parental humour, there ...)

lol, I had the same initial thought, though she did word the actual poll differently. I'm becoming as bad as the teachers in my old primary school where when someone asked "Can I go to the toilet" they would reply "I sure hope so".

Anyway, a forum isn't the place to get the answer to your question, although if you're concerned or curious about it I would suggest seeing a specialist.

Possibly. Some traits seem familiar but many of those traits could be something else. I am not a professional so I can't say one way or the other...but since your son was diagnosed and you have some traits then...maybe. If you feel a need to know for sure then you should check with a professional.

You show some signs of autism, which is why i voted 'maybe', but not enough to know for sure.

do you walk on your toes, have a low tolerance for some pain and high for others, love animals and music intensely, drawn to water, rock, stim, dull voice, faraway look in the eyes, insomnia, stomach aches, feel every touch intensely, hate noise, rage attacks, sensory seeker/avoider?

type in google search 'am i an aspie'? or 'are you an aspie?' they have nice questionnaires, long and informative, covering pretty much everything.

Hi everyone,
Thank you for all your replies.
To the person who said for me to type better, I'm sorry, I'm very erratic and find it hard to concentrate enough to write properly.
But I'll try harder with this post.
I didn't actually want a diagnosis on here, I know none of you can tell me that. I just wanted advice and to be told if I relate to anyone.
I am seeing a specialist on 29th. I'm under psychiatric care already. But they don't really care that much. I just thought I have traits and to be honest, to the person who said what does it matter, for some reason, it does matter to me.
I can't stand feeling an outcast. I need an answer, I can't handle being in 'no' catergory. I know there's something or numerous things and once they are found out, I feel I can move forward.
I saw some of you asked some questions do I follow things, well no my voice isn't dull, but not everyone's with autism is. As you all know it's a spectrum isn't it.
I often just feel like everyone's havin a go at me, it's embarrassing.
Thanks anyway for the reply x

Also I do withdraw myself 50% of the time, but then others I talk to anyone. It's really difficult.
The idea of it not being a disorder, scares me, because I am struggling, and if this is 'just who I am'. I can't cope with that. I know it sounds weird.
But I just need an answer, or it's just impending doom.
If I find answers, I can seek then proper professional help.
X

What diagnosis or diagnoses did you get that resulted in the psychiatric care you are already receiving?
Are the challenges you list not already covered by your diagnosed condition(s)?

You might try this screening test developed by Cambridge University's Autism Research Centre:

http://aq.server8.org/

It is by no means a definitive diagnoses. But it might give you some idea where you are at relative to others and relative to people who are diagnosed.