This is the main reason why I hate having ASD

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I don't think I have ever known an Aspie (online, offline or on the telly) to not have someone call them hurtful names because of their ASD. 99% of us here have probably had someone yell "you're weird!" to your face at some point in your life. That is something I wouldn't dream of telling someone, even if they are weird.

But Aspies and probably those with other disorders too have probably been told a list of things that are socially unacceptable and that we shouldn't say certain stuff to people because it would hurt their feelings. Even if someone deserves to be confronted because they are being obnoxious or whatever, we have to keep quiet because it is rude to point out one's quirks, especially when they can't help it.

I'm not saying I disagree with any of this. It IS rude and humiliating to call people name's and point out their quirks if they can't help it. But in my experience, it seems ok for an NT to upset us, but we can't upset them. Sometimes I want to lecture a person for some quirk that makes me uneasy, but I just can't do it, because I really don't want to upset them. My boyfriend has a few annoying things I feel like talking to him about, like letting TV dominate his life, but I don't want to upset him. TV might be his way of relaxing and because he's been used to living a single life he might not realise how much TV he is watching, so who am I to get on to him about something he probably enjoys. But he's pointed out a couple of little quirks of mine already, which upset me. He was sorry, but I still feel a bit upset even now.

Sorry I'm rambling on a bit now. But does anyone know where I'm coming from?

I can understand your reasoning.

I've been called "weird" all my life. My wife never fails to call me "weird" at least a couple of times per week--and she's not joking.

I've been called dozens of other names, too. 99% of them not flattering (sarcasm when uttering a superficially "flattering" term counts here).

However, one should not be ashamed of having "quirks." I'm sure your boyfriend has "quirks," too--even if he's the most NT of NT's.

The people who live longest are the ones who are able to laugh at themselves. Aspie or no Aspie.

I've noticed this. It makes me pissed off at double standards though, not at autism.

I personally feel if you're really close to someone, you should mutually be able to call each other out on any sort of unacceptable behavior. I wish my close family members called me out on a LOT of things, and I wish I had called my dad out on letting everyone walk all over him in his life. Some things you learn just need to be said, and you learn a positive reaction can be generated from it if you act responsibly about it.

Sometimes, as my NT classmates scream profanity, attempt to learn parkour on their desks, do no work, talk incessantly (even over the teacher), blast music in the classroom, insult everyone in the vicinity, and make racist comments, I wonder why I'm the one who needs special training to be socially appropriate.

I think in relationships you can point that out because I hear you are supposed to be open and honest in them. If something is bothering you what your partner is doing, say something or else you will eventually explode and that is why so many relationships fail because people are not honest with each other and the other partner had no idea. Many people make this mistake.

Hello there Joe90,

Interesting post, and I can say I have experienced this since childhood, that is, being called "weird". To explicate however, I was diagnosed with Aspergers two months ago, so having lived twenty-two years before that came to light, I always did ponder when and why people described me with that most ... nebulous adjective. It's an interesting word actually, that stems out from the individual entity that produces it; firstly the individual must have a solid grasp on what they class as "reality" in order to use such a word. One man's weird is another man's reality I like to think. Perhaps the fact that I had lived my life under the pretension that I was in fact "weird" acclimatised me to that fact; I have learned to accept that as fact - connecting with what I said before, my reality is now what others' perceive as weird. I embrace weirdness, and now rejoice in being a part of it.

Enough of that. I became fascinated in writing about two years ago now, and haven't put a pen down since. I have a short piece of non-fiction writing that documents a case wherein I was called "weird", and wonder if perhaps you would like to read it? It details my acceptance of the adjective directed towards me. The way I see it, "normal people" in this specific community are classified as "neurotypical", which details the "normal" brain, this then dictates people like myself are "neuroatypical" - detailing the "different" brain. Therefore, accepting this fact - that I am biologically alternative to others, - to be offended in any way from being called "weird" would mean I am not comfortable in my own being, in my own individual entity. When people call me weird, I laugh, or at least smile; internally I rejoice in knowing I am different to most people - inside me exists a highly complex organ, unique, and perfect in its own way. To call me weird is a compliment.

However, I do wish my intelligence bloomed just a slight bit sooner than it did, for it took many encounters with my old chum despair before I dived in to my head and realised what is going on in there. It was like meeting an alien, and still - only having known him formally for two months, but having met him a few years ago now - am I learning his language, for you see, his vocal chords are separate to mine, and we struggle to communicate sometimes.

Sorry if I went of on a tangent, if you read my introductory topic you'll see why - I find it hard to keep things short if I get going.

A pleasure to meet and type nonetheless,

Eustace.

It's a double standard thing and it's a grasping for the easiest answer thing. If I get annoyed at my nephew and tell him to go upstairs or outside if he wants to be loud, I'm crushing his childhood because I'm a giant b**** who needs more therapy. If my mom tells him to stfu and go upstairs, it's because he was being annoying. If I get mad at someone because I told them not to touch me and they did it anyway, I need to get better at socializing. If someone keeps touching my sister after she tells them off, they're a jerk and a creep and if she punched him, good for her.
I have a disorder that causes problems, so of course it causes all of my problems and any problem even tangentially related to me. None of the five adults in the house did the dishes. It's my fault because I don't think of other people. This is the gospel according to my mother (who is on more medication than I have ever been, and should probably carpool with me to the mental health office every week). She's always gotten on my case more than my brothers', but since I got my ASD ddx she's been blaming it for everything. And trying to blame my dad's genetics, which is hilarious, since the one cousin I have with AS is her brother's kid.
I don't know which I hate more- when NTs blame everything on ASD, or when they ignore the ASD completely and tell you to just get over it or it's all in your head.

Actually I don't mind being called weird!
I've embraced the weirdness!

I always tell people to EMBRACE THE WEIRD!

I honestly don't care for most normal and average things... they're so bland and boring.


What I truly hate about having AS is that people tend to push me away, blow me off, or not want anything to do with me.
It hits me in social realm, the work realm, and practically every where else people interact.
It's not my fault I have a super hard time connecting and socializing with others.

I have the same issue with my other disabilities, people find out I have them and they want nothing to do with me.
(though you have to look closely to see them)

I've been told I'm weird a lot, but not always in hurtful ways. I've been told I'm weird in very matter of fact and affectionate ways by people who like and accept me, so telling someone they're weird doesn't seem like an inherently bad thing to me.



You don't have to be rude or lecture someone about something they're doing that bothers you. You can tell them respectfully and even request that they alter their behavior and that's usually not rude. (The only exception I can think of is if you're being judgy -- i.e. they do something that has no negative affect on anybody but you don't like it or look down on it; In that case it's rude/controlling to criticize or tell someone to stop doing something -- it wouldn't be rude to state that you, personally, don't like it or wouldn't do it, though.) Examples:

"It bothers me when you do [x], could you please try not to do that when I'm around/to me/[etc.]";

"It really bothers me when you do [x] because [state how the behavior the person does negatively affects you or others -- hurts, offends, frightens, annoys, etc]."

It takes practice, and people sometimes get offended anyways, but if someone is doing something that really bothers you and has a negative impact on you or others there is nothing wrong with telling them and even requesting that they stop, as long as you can tell/ask respectfully.



Why does it annoy you that he watches a lot of TV?

Does he expect you to also watch a lot of TV or is that all he ever wants to do with you? If that's why it bothers you, it's okay for you to ask him to do other things with you or tell him you don't want to watch TV -- just tell him that you don't like watching that much TV and you want to do other things.

I don't think there's really a double standard here (except in situations where there obviously is, of course).

People are no more "allowed" to be rude to you than you are allowed to be rude to other people. If someone's rude to you, they've broken the rule, and they're a dick!

I should have pointed out that it's more related to "it's not what you say, it's how you say it". I've had people upset and humiliate me in the past because of a harmless quirk. Then I was afraid to even speak much after that because I was worried about getting verbally attacked again. If they had told me in a more dignifying way, I might have been more cool with it. But the way some people have put me down, it made me feel like AS makes me a bad person.

What impresses me the most is that o lot of people that act like this are seen as the standards for being "normal". Things like: Drinking until you're unconscious every weekend with your university mates, going on a club and dating 5 girls on the same night, being a dic* with people, knowing how to lie well... And i could go on with the list lol
Considering the amount of absurds that there are on the normal standards of society i am more than happy for being weird.

Not everyone says I'm weird or calls me names. Most people around here are more polite than that. I believe a lot of them are thinking it, though. But most of the time, I'd rather be like this than like most of the NTs I know.

I understand.

Try to remember that anything can be used as an insult if someone wants to pick on you.

Having AS doesn't make you a bad person; When people put you down or pick on you, it reflects badly on them, not on you.

I fully agree with you. I kind of liked having some minor special talents but I can't even stay organized to a basic degree.