Should I be trying harder?

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Hello.

So I am considered "Pretty social for an autistic person." (Side-note: I hate the phrase so much.) What is usually meant by that statement is that I am mildly competent at asking a few questions to let the person know I'm listening while I totally ignore them.

I also tend to be aware of the impact my manner of speaking is having (with exceptions) So I don't feel it is too unfair for others to expect me to have some social grace even if my actual social skills are on par with a cat.

So my question is am I just a bad person if I don't ask the socially expected questions that indicate i'm listening when someone is talking about things that bore me. Should I be making an effort to speak less formally?

I feel like a lot of times in social situations I could be being more social, I know the rules to appear more social, so my ignoring those rules because they seem stupid (Not all but some just seem so pointless.) is just me being stubborn and I should just try harder.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Just try to listen and be polite. Try not to get distracted by your own thoughts. (I know that's hard. Just try.) Ask questions, like you said. If it's a subject that bores you, you could ask a question like, "Why do you like ____?" You might gain some new insights.

But don't beat yourself up if you're not social all the time. You're not a bad person. I myself am very off-and-on socially. Sometimes I follow the social rules, but other times I can't be bothered.

About speaking formally, don't tend to worry too much about it. It's just an autism quirk. It might help to inform people of your diagnosis, so they know why you are the way you are.

May I ask, why do you want to be more social? Do you want to make friends, fit in, or do you just think you "should"?

Thank you for the welcome. *Feels welcomed*

My wanting to be more social is based around a few things.

Firstly I am starting university rather soon and following the advice of my father I was thinking I should develop at least half decent networking skills. My chosen career doesn't involve much networking (Forensic Psychologist if you are curious) but I do realize that general social awkwardness won't be as typical and expected when I'm twenty-three the way it is now, seeing as I'm only sixteen.

Secondly I have always had the mentality that if i can do something that is expected and will make life easier for others then I should, even if It requires a little more effort. However being a high-school senior set to graduate early leads to a workload that others might call cruel, I am usually way to tired to offer people anything resembling genuine empathy, so I don't.

Lastly I consider the few people I call friends to be an exceptional group of people, deserving of genuine affection and fun nights out or whatever people my age do with their friends. Now one or two of my friends are also autistic and with them i feel slightly less guilty since it is an obvious trade off, "I will act interested in classical music composed during the civil war in exchange for being allowed to rant about an alternative history novel set in japan." Though pretending to be interested in classical music is easier because it's actually interesting.

Wow, Sorry for the wall of text.