I hate the "be polite" rules.

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I'm on another board and they have this rule that says you have to be "polite." "Polite" and "nice" are big, big trigger words for me. They require a level of social skill that I do not have.

What exactly does "polite" and "nice" mean to you? To me it means "masky, fake and passive-aggressive." It means lying instead of telling the truth (a hot button for me).

Does anyone else have trouble handling rules like this? How do you handle them? They are so nebulous and slippery that I cannot figure out what I'm doing wrong.

It means don't act like an "ass" to people you don't really know or understand. It means show a little self restraint and humility. Don't be a trigger to set someone else off that might be in a very unstable state. There is a very clear line between constructive criticism and just acting like an "ass". You don't have to lie but choose your words carefully and be tactful. I would be using a much more charged word, but that wouldn't be polite.

What does "acting like an ass" mean? Telling the truth when someone doesn't want to hear it?

No, presenting ones subjective truth in a hostile manner, known also as bullying. I'd give examples of threads where I've seen this, but that would also be wrong. Its hard to know the truth when someone only gives scant details from their perspective only as well. I try to avoid threads that call on others to judge an unknown party like the plague for this reason. Having an elitist attitude as well, this is where ASD ends and narcissism begins. One could make the observation that I'm acting like a moral elitist right now, but I'm not. I'm just making speculations that I myself definitely don't always live up to myself.

Maybe if you have to fake it, but not everyone has to fake it.

As for myself, I'm not the most polite person around, but I generally do okay without having to fake it at all. The number of people I hate I can count on one hand. I don't know anyone in this town, or the entire county for that matter, who I don't get along with.

If people stopped being polite on an online forum, there would be arguments everywhere and it would be very unpleasant and stressful for most people. So I think it's an essential rule both online and offline. I keep away from people who are not polite because they cause stress.

You can always choose to say the truth in a less hurtful and less offensive way. Of course the definition of "polite" can be quite subjective. It's something we all learn by observing and participating in conversations (online/offline).

If someone is well-intended and being polite, then it's not being passive-aggressive. In the core of "passive-aggressive" is an ill intention. You can also choose to refrain from unnecessarily saying something hurtful. It's not lying.

... then you are probably logged onto 4chan.

Being polite is refraining from directing hateful, hurtful language against someone when you 'know' that they deserve to be flamed so badly that they log off and never log back on again.

In other words, politeness is treating others far better than you think they deserve to be treated.

Don't think of it as being polite, think of it as not being rude, much simpler concept.

I think of it as following the golden rule of treating people like you'd like to be treated.

I don't like the idea of polite, because it's as subjective as the Golden Rule. If everyone wanted to be treated the same way, we would have a lot less problems. But, I'm as perplexed as the OP. There are a lot of things that I don't have a problem with and do, and then find out through murmurs that I'm officially the douche. Also, I like being spoken bluntly to, because when people just talk crap behind my back, how am I know that there is an issue until I hear the murmurs. There isn't enough honesty these days. Though, I know there is a line, most often it's wearing its cloak of invisibility.

I want them to be direct, and to tell me the truth. In words.

If I had my way, indirect "communication" would be outlawed, or at least socially unacceptable, and so would the insistence on using nonverbal "communication." People would be required to say exactly what they meant, in words.

I think it's possible to be honest and polite. But you have to consider other people's feelings when you talk with them. It's hard for me to know how other people will react to the things I say, but here are a few ways I try to be honest and polite:

If I think that something is debatable I'll try to emphasize that I'm stating my opinion, without implying that other opinions aren't valid. If I think that someone needs to hear a harsh truth I'll try to make it clear that I'm not attacking them, and that I'm mentioning it because I care.

It's very difficult for me to tell someone a harsh truth, without upsetting them, so I'm careful when I find myself in that situation.