Dating and Social stigmas...

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so... this one is more on a personal level...
I am one of those people who a wired that I can be attracted to some one at first glance, but not have the nerve to make an approach, or to ask someone out, I usually have to take the longer route of getting to know them through some other means before I can feel comfortable to show that level of vulnerability. (I know, its pathetic, but my grandfather who was also an aspie was the same way, hence it is easier to talk about external subjects rather that personal things... he did that alot... I don't know how my Dad dealt with it, I don't know if he did. if he had ADD, he probably had a more mild form than Opa and me)

the major problem with this approach is that I get the feeling people become less interested in me once they start to know me, not to mention the stigma for being friends before lovers. (wussies, nice guy, shy guy, manipulator, etc). I don't want to be the subject of scorn by taking the taboo approach, but I also feel like the dead on approach is like charging head long into a minefield, with its own stigma... it feels like either route I take has a fatal flaw, it its with a stranger you have no emotional connection with, then its awkward. if its with some one you do have and emotional connection with, you don't want to reveal and blow you existing relationship...

just not sure how people cope with this... my sister is no help, in American culture, men come to you, but in swiss culture, women seek out the men. (so Dad and Opa are no help) I just feel very behind other people my age becasue of these social limitations. not the mention not being able to the detect the 'flirting' ques that all normal people seem to detect, but I am completely blind to...

I guess I am wondering has anyone else had this problem? and have they coped with it? and how?

sounds like you are putting way too much thought into this. Do you think it would help better if you just did not think about this stuff at all and do your best to be natural and genuine with people?

I'm off to book my flight to Luzerne. I have some approaches I've been advised to consider (like 33 Secrets) but I've found that shallow strategies like these draw shallow women. There's nothing as good as just finding a place where the women approach you. I have a friend who lives in Switz. and she did not inform me of this. Women for the most part stopped pursuing me after high school when the rules changed and I saw through the games they were playing. The ones who didn't play games have been blindingly brilliant, but they're quite rare.

Doh >< Swiss Sweden... argh. I stand corrected.

Swiss..even better I'd say. Small country... no problems with 'oh we live too far to meet' haha.

When you say they get to know you, then are not interested anymore, do you mean they stop expressing interest in being with you? Do they stop wanting to go places? What is it that makes them seem not interested anymore?

I can only offer you advice based on how my AS husband attracted me. For months, he never expressed interest in dating me but instead always wanted to take me to the city to a coffee shop to play games such as Scrabble or cards. We would drink hot chocolate and play games. Or we would attend basketball games for our college. About once a week, he wanted to go play a game or go see a movie with me. These are two activities which don't require you to talk about yourself. However, when he always wanted to go somewhere with me, it was clear to me he liked me.

This situation will make it easy for the girl to keep being around you if she likes you, or she will stop going anywhere with you if she doesn't like you. If you also like her, then you could ask her to be your girlfriend or whatever you want to do!

I hope you are not only attracted to the most beautiful women. It seems like so many AS guys I know are attracted to the hottest girls, but not attracted to any "average" girls or girls who are a little chubby. These girls are usually the nicest and most accepting. However, the hot ones (from my experience of having many hot friends) are extremely selective in their mate and only look for physically attractive, successful, and very social men. So by limiting your interest to the hottest girls, I believe you would have less chance of success.

-Sarah