Does anyone else here just not get along with neurotypicals?

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Hansgrohe
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06 Feb 2015, 11:41 pm

I'm dead serious.

It seems weird, but I don't get along with neurotypicals (or at least extroverted neurotypicals) for some reason. I've never had a close friend that was an extroverted neurotypical, and conversations with them only go so far. They act in ways that I completely do not understand, and rather wouldn't behave anyway. Most of them have either just bluntly ignored me or are judgmental, idiotic, too extroverted for my taste, deceitful, or has some other kind of nasty trait.



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06 Feb 2015, 11:44 pm

Ummm, of course I don't get along with them?! !

Normally I either stonewall them or get in fights with them. Relationships are annoying.



Hansgrohe
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06 Feb 2015, 11:45 pm

Try going to my high school. Today I just saw a bunch of NTs playing loud-ass music, being as*holes in general, or smoking weed. Not a great place.



arjay
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06 Feb 2015, 11:57 pm

Yes, especially those who only wants to feel good and not think at all, especially in parties, they indulge in stupid debauchery, do lots of make believe. NTs conversation focus on empty feelings, shallow, and do make believes to feel good. That's why if you don't "conform" with their aura, or focus on solving their problem instead of comforting them, they see you as rude.



SpaceAgeBushRanger
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07 Feb 2015, 2:39 am

I get on fairly well with some of them - I'd guess about forty percent. But there's no way of knowing which of those are Autistic people.

It's easier if we're having a two-way conversation. As soon as it involves three or more people it gets much more difficult. Also, things are easier if things are quiet.

The really extroverted ones can be challenging, especially the ones who take the whole leadership and 'be-yourself' stuff seriously. Sometimes I stop taking them seriously and treat them like little kids, making slightly mean jokes to see if they go above their heads.



downbutnotout
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07 Feb 2015, 2:43 am

I have the odd experience of "getting along" with everyone and making friends with no one. I don't mind chatting to NT classmates, people on WrongPlanet, etc, and I almost never wind up in confrontations (even compared to those around me), but no one wants to actually be close to me - not even other Aspies. Most pushy extroverted stuff I can shrug off and not care about after awhile. I'm good at ignoring things, anyway.



Layla93
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07 Feb 2015, 2:58 am

I am good at pretending. Most of the time people can't tell that there is anything different about me but i keep conversations to a minimum with pretty much everyone.If i do more than just the basics it gets harder to know what the right response is.
Only have one friend and she has issues herself.
I wish i could get along with people better and i like talking (atleast to other people with aspergers).



mr_bigmouth_502
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07 Feb 2015, 4:31 am

Of the aspies I've met IRL, I actually find them to be harder to get along with than NTs, for the most part, though I feel for them since I can relate to the difficulties they face. Generally, I tend to get along best with NTs who have mental health problems, especially ones who suffer from depression. NTs who don't have mental health problems on the other hand, I tend to have difficulties with.

Online, things are much different. I tend to get along quite well with aspies online.



DestinedToBeAPotato
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07 Feb 2015, 4:34 am

The NT's I don't really get along with are the really extroverted ones who are unnecessarily loud and seem to behave like they're in pre-school during class and in the hall ways. We have folks talking over the teacher in class, tickling each other all through out the lesson, making unneeded jokes all through out the lesson, and completely obstructing the learning of others, whilst they laugh their backsides off. These people are in 6th form. We are working towards going to university, this is America's equivalent to the 11th grade.. And we have people who still behave like this. I can understand that they're just really out going and all. And I don't have a problem with all outgoing NT's it's just the ones who can't seem to get a hold of the fact that there is a time and place for everything.

I can get along with NT's and Aspies - as long as they're not annoying, we are all good.

And then we have the fools, who are in the lower years (year 7 to year 11) who walk around the school with crappy portable speakers that you can sync with the bluetooth on your phone, and day in and out I am subjected to crappy, poorly made grime music (UK's answer to rap music) as they pace up and down the corridors whilst they 'spit dem barz' along to the track. We also have a group of idiotic cokeheads who scream and holler in the hallways for no reason - and they think it is absolutely hilarious, the noise bounces off the walls and it echoes.. Making it 10 times louder.. How utterly annoying.

I can feel your pain OP, being surrounded by loud mouthed, insolent and drug obsessed fools can be an absolute pain in the back side.


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DestinedToBeAPotato
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07 Feb 2015, 4:39 am

downbutnotout wrote:
I have the odd experience of "getting along" with everyone and making friends with no one. I don't mind chatting to NT classmates, people on WrongPlanet, etc, and I almost never wind up in confrontations (even compared to those around me), but no one wants to actually be close to me - not even other Aspies. Most pushy extroverted stuff I can shrug off and not care about after awhile. I'm good at ignoring things, anyway.


Welcome to the club. It seems people just like to talk to me in class and act all buddy buddy, only in class. After that, they ignore me for the rest of the day, until we're in class the next time. It doesn't make sense to me and it has always confused me. I always end up wondering: Why act like you're best of friends with me only in this lesson? Is it because you're friends are not this lesson and I am your last resort?

I get along with everyone okay, and I never get into arguments. Just have no real friends.


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DarkAscent
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07 Feb 2015, 4:43 am

I usually get on with introverted or shy non-autistic people. It's usually extroverted non-autistic or non-disabled people that I find difficult to approach because I find it harder to relate to them.

I've known lots of extroverted non-autistic people in the past. A lot of them thought that I was arrogant because I'm very shy and am usually in my own world when I was actually too terrified to approach them and didn't know how to start a conversation (I still don't).

My crush from my previous school is extroverted. She knew about my shyness and autism and was very kind to me. She is one of the few extroverted people that I get on with.



jk1
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07 Feb 2015, 5:06 am

I doubt that I would get along with even autistic people IRL if I met one. I'm just too weird and awkward for anyone's liking, even for autistic people. But I know what you mean. The hardest ones to get along with are the ones that are always concerned about the social hierarchy. In other words, most people including some autistic people.



mr_bigmouth_502
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07 Feb 2015, 4:58 pm

DarkAscent wrote:
I usually get on with introverted or shy non-autistic people. It's usually extroverted non-autistic or non-disabled people that I find difficult to approach because I find it harder to relate to them.

I've known lots of extroverted non-autistic people in the past. A lot of them thought that I was arrogant because I'm very shy and am usually in my own world when I was actually too terrified to approach them and didn't know how to start a conversation (I still don't).


This. I get along well with introverted NTs, not so much with extroverted ones, unless they're the rare ones that just so happen to have the ability to get along with almost anyone. Even though I'm kind of the complete opposite of the latter, their ability to get along with different people makes up for my inability to do the same.



Hansgrohe
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07 Feb 2015, 9:21 pm

I sort of have that same issue of simply "getting along with people" overall - or not really. I don't have a lot of stable personal friendships but I seem to do very well online. Ironically having a bit of a structured area seems to do wonders for me. But the incredibly informal social areas absolutely bring me down.

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I've known lots of extroverted non-autistic people in the past. A lot of them thought that I was arrogant because I'm very shy and am usually in my own world when I was actually too terrified to approach them and didn't know how to start a conversation (I still don't).

I've actually gotten this too... for whatever reason extrovert NTs seem to connect shyness to arrogancy. For whatever reason I've even gotten the whole "shyness = perversion" thing as well.

@DestinedToBeAPotato You really need to visit an American school, at least one where I live (California). The problem is god-awful. A lot of loud music, weed, general loudness, etc. Added to that is the awful decay that comes with it. Doesn't help the school itself will blurt loud music during lunch time, forcing me to take cover in the classrooms.



FireyInspiration
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07 Feb 2015, 11:06 pm

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
DarkAscent wrote:
I usually get on with introverted or shy non-autistic people. It's usually extroverted non-autistic or non-disabled people that I find difficult to approach because I find it harder to relate to them.

I've known lots of extroverted non-autistic people in the past. A lot of them thought that I was arrogant because I'm very shy and am usually in my own world when I was actually too terrified to approach them and didn't know how to start a conversation (I still don't).


This. I get along well with introverted NTs, not so much with extroverted ones, unless they're the rare ones that just so happen to have the ability to get along with almost anyone. Even though I'm kind of the complete opposite of the latter, their ability to get along with different people makes up for my inability to do the same.



Yeah, that's the way I am to. Although many of the extroverted ones I tend to find egotistical, instead of the other way around.



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08 Feb 2015, 12:36 am

Tough question for me, I'm struggling to find anybody I've known in my entire life who was NT. 8O I was only diagnosed a few years ago, and I haven't taken much interest in all that many people over my entire life, at least not enough to hazard much of a guess. Currently I think all my friends (about 10, most of them I don't see often) are either Aspies or they seem to have something eccentric going on.

First wife was very likely NT. I ended up disliking her, because of her being so social, and we didn't understand each other, there was a lot of friction that looks like textbook AS-NT conflict to me.

First boss, NT female, I hated her for being lazy, selfish, arrogant, aggressive, dishonest, slu*ty and hateful. Could have been a narcissist though, do they count?

One male buddy, I really dug him for a long time, but he moved with the times with fashion and music, and became a pain in the butt slagging off whatever was yesterday's model, like my favourite bands. Also didn't like they way he and his partner flirted with everybody, and were so comfy with lying to each other. I guess that's an NT thing? Not accusing them of evil, just being different about these things. He must have been NT, he was so sociable.

One guy at the youth club impressed me as a decent human being. Good social skills, inclusive, relaxed, genial, helpful, cheerful. Didn't know him long but what I saw was good.

Biggest indicator of how well I get along with NTs is probably the small number of them in my life. Long before being diagnosed, I was avoiding the mainstream like the plague, and favouring the fringes of society, shunning convention. I guess most NTs are part of the mainstream. If I see a herd, I usually avoid it. That aversion must have come from somewhere. Best guess, I didn't get along with the herd (NTs) and I learned to filter them out before I had much conscious information, like the way people are supposed to unconsciously choose their partners.

But I do know NTs exist that I could get on with. Like that youth club guy. I don't think it's a person being NT that wrecks everything for me. There's a colossal range of personalities and values out there.