Do you have trouble expressing yourself correctly?

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omid
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11 Feb 2015, 3:54 pm

When I try to say something, very often people get me wrong. I use words differently (to be frank abnormally) and basically everyone gets me wrong. People often interpret something into what I say that I totally didn't mean. I'm slowly thinking about not talking at all or something like that.
What I say on a logical linguistic basis has the meaning I intent to say, but apparently I use the wrong order of words or I choose the wrong version of words with slightly different meanings or the wrong intonation that makes people interpret it differently (or interpret hidden emotional data to it not intended by me). Sometimes what I say is wage and oversimplified or too unspecific (as if I'd expect the listener to have some background knowledge just I have).
Basically I'm linguistically stupid. Language is a tool that I have to use but I'm totally bad at it, as if I have a disability. I wish there was another tool for communication. Basically language is not my thing sort of.
Do you have this kind of problem? is this AS related?


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elysian1969
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11 Feb 2015, 4:12 pm

Difficulty with language is AS related. I have a bit of an advantage in making myself understood as a hyperlexic because I read constantly, and therefore I can recognize the patterns and common usage- but that advantage is often confined to the use of the written word. I am not an eloquent speaker, and if I get upset or emotional I cannot speak effectively, if at all.

I have no problem with the denotations of words, but sometimes I miss the connotations, the deeper nuances. I tend to be extremely literal. I also have problems with sending and interpreting non-verbals. The correct use of eye contact is completely vexing for me, which is why in my middle age I went back to glasses from contacts to have a little something to hide behind. When I was a little kid I was constantly getting yelled at for staring, so I learned to avoid eye contact whenever possible. That makes conversation really interesting...and stressful.

Practice helps, as well as exposure to both written and spoken conversation. It is always possible to improve communication skills with practice. For me spoken conversation is always a learned skill that does not come naturally. I have to work at it. :heart: :skull:


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Amity
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11 Feb 2015, 5:27 pm

I partially communicate what I intended to say, jumble up the structure, leave out words/phrases, expect the other person to know things that I have not communicated, remain unaware of my mistakes until later, do not consider the broad colloquial interpretations of phrases, misunderstand sarcasm and respond accordingly and If I'm distressed I make very little sense, even to myself.
During recent years my ability to communicate has worsened, I was able to communicate quite well about specific topics, but for a significant portion of last year I spoke very little, and although it is slowly improving now, I believe that I have lost some communication skills that I thought were abilities.



kraftiekortie
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11 Feb 2015, 5:46 pm

I've not really good at expressing myself, either.

You know that joke?

Man: How do you get to Carnegie Hall (In New York City)?

Woman: Practice, Practice, Practice.



TheBraveSirRobin
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11 Feb 2015, 7:59 pm

I am not a fantastic speaker, but I consider myself better off than a number of the people on this site since I've spent a lot of my time talking with people over Skype and online games, despite the lack of real life social interaction that I had during my years in high school, which were not so long ago, really. I struggle the most with conveying sarcasm (I grew up with a bunch of shit-talking gamers so I've offended more than a few people unintentionally) and avoiding expressing impulsive or otherwise unintentional connations with my voice, understanding and adjusting accordingly when I am talking to someone that is less experienced in a topic than I am, and explaining complex ideas coherently.

I've improved with all of those things throughout my life, but that's omitting the two largest hindrances that I have to meeting and keeping friends, and they have little to do with my ability to talk to people, in and of itself. They are my inability to keep up with friends outside of a structured social environment of some sort and my significant avoidance of talking about things I don't know about or care about (and there's a lot of things that I do not care about in the world).


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jk1
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11 Feb 2015, 10:41 pm

Yes. I think it's one of the biggest problems I have.

omid wrote:
People often interpret something into what I say that I totally didn't mean.

This is exactly what often happens to me, too. Always in a negative way. I always think of it as them projecting their own ways of thinking onto me. Probably I'm using wrong body language and a wrong tone of voice but there are small number of people that don't misinterpret me. So I don't blame myself for being misinterpreted by negative people.

I'm also extremely nervous when I talk with people. I usually cannot talk calmly and confidently. If I try to control myself/voice/body language etc, I end up being seen as angry or something.



LokiofSassgard
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12 Feb 2015, 11:32 am

I struggle with this as well. Usually, what I can explain to others in writing can't be explained verbally or emotionally. That's why most times I'm using my iPad to get my point across or to explain something really big. Sometimes, I can think of something to be said, and yet I can't seem to verbalize it or put it into the right words. It ends up coming it differently than I expected it to.


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SteelMaiden
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12 Feb 2015, 11:37 am

I am only part time verbal, which means that I cannot always communicate orally. This I attribute as part of my autism.


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ToughDiamond
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12 Feb 2015, 12:47 pm

I have trouble expressing myself verbally sometimes. I can't always think of a clear way to convey what I'm thinking unless I've got time. With writing I often spend a lot of time editing, which makes a big difference. I'm better when I'm relaxed.



Zajie
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12 Feb 2015, 12:58 pm

I'm very bad in speaking to people



Eiael
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12 Feb 2015, 1:01 pm

Thats actually one of my biggest problems, that, and the ability to identify what I want to express.
I have a million things inside my head, but I cant get it out, and that really freaks me out :?



Sherry221B
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12 Feb 2015, 1:16 pm

With some things, yes. With the rest, I do not think personally that I do....However, I suspect that there must be something because I am an extremely misunderstood individual. (Except for those who are similar to myself).



androbot01
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12 Feb 2015, 2:41 pm

Yes. I have trouble translating my thoughts into words. It's like the words are not able to capture everything.



FallingDownMan
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12 Feb 2015, 3:21 pm

Communication is my biggest problem in life. As the original poster stated, people are constantly reading things into what I said that aren't there. I can 'usually' tell when somebody is being sarcastic, but people have problems telling when I'm being sarcastic. From what I have recently learned, I think it has something to do with lack of body language on my part, and wrong vocal inflections. I also have a tendency to go into over detail, which bores people and they stop listening, or under detail, which confuses people. Vocal communication is a mystery to me.


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anthropic_principle
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12 Feb 2015, 4:21 pm

yes.



lostinlove
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13 Feb 2015, 10:05 am

elysian1969 wrote:
Difficulty with language is AS related. I have a bit of an advantage in making myself understood as a hyperlexic because I read constantly, and therefore I can recognize the patterns and common usage- but that advantage is often confined to the use of the written word. I am not an eloquent speaker, and if I get upset or emotional I cannot speak effectively, if at all.

I have no problem with the denotations of words, but sometimes I miss the connotations, the deeper nuances. I tend to be extremely literal. I also have problems with sending and interpreting non-verbals. The correct use of eye contact is completely vexing for me, which is why in my middle age I went back to glasses from contacts to have a little something to hide behind. When I was a little kid I was constantly getting yelled at for staring, so I learned to avoid eye contact whenever possible. That makes conversation really interesting...and stressful.

Practice helps, as well as exposure to both written and spoken conversation. It is always possible to improve communication skills with practice. For me spoken conversation is always a learned skill that does not come naturally. I have to work at it. :heart: :skull:


I'd say this pretty much describes me! Even though I don't need glasses I do like to wear them occasionally to hide behind. I was a good reader and have learnt much about conversation through books. I occasionally need to do a google search to make sure I am using a word or phrase correctly :) I find conversation very stressful when I am emotional and recently when my boyfriend split up with me over the phone (thoughtless bastard!) I really struggled to get out words without sounding totally mental. I had to write him a whatsapp message today to clarify and answer some points he had raised as I am much more eloquent and fluent in written form.

androbot01 wrote:
Yes. I have trouble translating my thoughts into words. It's like the words are not able to capture everything.


This also describes me very well. In fact this is what I told my doctor this week when I went to see him about my anxiety. He asked if I had spoken to my boyfriend about it and I said I struggled to talk about things sometimes because I can't even put how I'm feeling into words. Sometimes it's like there is a barrier between my overflowing emotions and my ability to convert that feeling into a word that adequately conveys exactly that feeling to the other person.