Being assessed as an adult

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I'm new so I'm not a 100% with how this forum works so if I make a mistake or am posting in the wrong place I sincerely apologise. (Long post.)

I am a 21 year old female and in three weeks I am being assessed for Aspergers syndrome at the recommendation of my university. I have one friend in the US (I am in the UK) who is on the spectrum but apart from that I don't actually know anyone with any form of high functioning autism so I am left a little adrift as to knowing what the likely turn out of the assessment will be.

For a bit of back-story: my younger brother has severe learning difficulties with no definite diagnosis of a specific condition but a mixture of traits from most of them. He was statemented age 2 and I spent a lot of my teenage life helping to look after him. Thus, I was always described in our home as 'the normal child' in a joking kind of way. And so I always presumed I was 'normal' despite the fact my family all refer to me fondly as 'weird'.

I had various issues growing up but was always given some explanation that didn't quite feel right but I didn't know better to protest. I used to have what I thought were childhood nightmares of some sort when I was 9 where everything felt wrong, too thin, too wrong, too- just, too much. I used to have to lie on my parents bed in the dark not touching anything and just think of a clear white board for an hour or so until it disappeared. It's the closest to truly terrified I've ever felt and it is still the one thing I am most afraid of now.

I've had periods of missing large amounts of school- when I was 13 I got the 'feeling funny' feeling again in an extreme way I couldn't control- I stopped sleeping I was so scared of it, I couldn't focus on anything, it was awful. The doctor told me what I was experiencing sounded like fever symptoms and was perhaps glandular fever because sometimes you could still have it and it would show up negative on a blood test. I took the paracetamol every four hours until my stomach hurt and my Mum got upset with me so I just decided to stop and go back to school so I could take my exams.

When I was 16/17 I started struggling again, only this time it was diagnosed as depression and anxiety. I would get stressed without consciously being stressed, if that makes sense, and I couldn't concentrate. I would know what I wanted to say but couldn't get words out. I couldn't even write them. I had stomach problems diagnosed because I couldn't eat because I couldn't stand the too full feeling of my stomach. Everyone thought it was stress and would pass after exams but unfortunately it spiralled and I had to leave university after my first term.

Now I have always been raised to think that there is no shame in having problems, and that seeking help is the right thing to do. So I went to the doctors, saw the therapists, took the anti-depressants and yet the label 'depression' still didn't feel right. Within half an hour my therapist told me I didn't seem depressed, it almost seemed more neurological. My psychologist did a paper test for autism screening just to 'tick it off' but because I answered 'Can you put yourself in someone else's shoes' with 'yes' she ruled it out. (I have later learned I might not have answered that question quite correctly because I assumed it was talking about logical deduction.) She handed me off to my current university's disability team mentioning I might do better with an educational psychologist. I had stopped the medication once I twigged it was doing nothing more than messing with my sleep patterns.

It was ten minutes into describing this 'feeling funny' to my university counsellor he asked me if I'd ever been assessed for autism. I told him about the screening quiz and that I'd ruled out on empathy but he said that it was actually possible to have high empathy with Aspergers. After talking a bit more he pushed me to ask for a referral. I went to my doctor, who is lovely, and he immediately put the referral through- and when given a different screening quiz I scored within the region to qualify for an assessment. Hence, the assessment due in three weeks.

It's been perhaps a year since I was first referred and in that time I have done a lot of research into higher functioning autism (my brother's school has several lower functioning autism children, hence why I had never really felt that label fit me, because I wasn't as they were) and a lot of it does sound familiar.

However, for most of my life I've had the hope of some form of diagnosis and it's turned up blank. This sudden chance that there may be an answer for all the stuff that I felt was 'wrong' with me, but couldn't verbalise so was often convinced I was just making up, is daunting.

In the past year I have had to drastically re-examine my perception of other people. I have always known I'm weird, but I never realised that my brain actually does tend to work differently in quite a big way. I had never before thought I had any social issues but looking at it actually I do- I work as an assistant leader with a local scout group and the leader told me once at the general meeting that it was almost like I didn't know what to do with adults. Animals and children I'm really good at, I've had extensive practice with my brother in reading kids, but adults I do have a tendency to only speak when spoken to and just stand there unless I'm given a job.

I had never thought I had an issue with being overly literal but then I realised that I tend to have meltdowns over questionnaires because the questions are just never precise and I have no idea if I'm answering it right. I miss implications in instructions and ask for clarification a lot. And yet, I am pretty good at reading people. At school I developed a tendency to sit and study people and if I have the chance to examine a situation and the people in it I can usually navigate it pretty well. My interests have never seemed unusual because I went to a highly academic school where everyone got excited over obscure history or liked trying out new languages.

Looking into it, I identify with enough of the autistic traits part of me is hoping there is finally an answer ahead, but I have a recurring doubt, due to the fact I have often had the feeling of not knowing why I do the things I do. I started to think perhaps I am just making it up and not realising it (when I was young I used to make up stories and be convinced they were true whilst also knowing I had made them up, if that makes sense at all), and that idea still plagues me today.

What if I am somehow making myself appear 'more autistic' than I am just because I've been reading so much information? What do I do with eye-contact at the assessment? Am I supposed to look at her or not? And if so for how long? And will thinking about it lead to an inadvertent false impression because if I avoid it and am aware that is an autistic trait am I trying to make myself look 'more autistic' but if I hold it am I not telling her that in the past I have had issues with it?

I am suddenly incredibly self conscious of how I am supposed to behave. If I sit formally like in professional situations am I lying because that is a learned style of behaviour but then how do I know if how I am behaving is me or not? I am so conscious of my actions all the time I get terrified of getting it wrong I don't know which is natural or not half the time.

I suppose, in all this angst ridden splurge of words, what I am really asking is: has anyone else undergone an Aspergers/Autism assessment as an adult?

And: how did you feel about it?/What were your experiences?

(I am sorry for the length of this post.)

I am 48, got assessed and diagnosed 2 years ago. I was able to communicate my issues and gave examples of past experiences. The thing is they know what they are looking for and the subtle signs that give us away.
I have worked since the age of 16, am married with 2 children, the youngest being 19.... I stumbled and bluffed through life until finding about Aspergers.
Even though I clearly managed to bluff my way to 46 years old they still saw enough in me to diagnose me..
You'll be fine, just relax if you can, take some notes with you of things you want to say and answer honestly, don't try to second guess what they want to hear.

Good luck..

You've come to the right place - and there are others. Don't worry, you're not weird, far from it. You're just ... different. In a good sort of way.

I'm 57, and am currently going through diagnosis in the UK. The psychologists I've seen so far confirm what I thought myself: that I'm what is sometimes called a 'cousin', at the high-functioning end of the spectrum - in other words I'm close to the clinical threshold for ASD, or 'sub-clinical', but don't actually cross it ... a form of shadowland. Maybe this is where you are, too. Autism is a very large spectrum, and everyone is on it somewhere, even at the very edge.

You might find it helpful to join a social group for people with AS, I'm sure there are some near you. I work with people your age with Aspergers, so if you'd like to chat then send me a pm, I'll help in any way I can.

I'm right there with you. I'm going for my assessment on the 25th, and I'm 42.

You're feeling a lot of the same things I am, so be assured, you're not the only one.

The diagnosis of depression (at least for me) might have been correct, but it's the underlying cause of WHY that might be what's missing for you. I hope that this is the answer, and it sounds like you do too. I know I'm tired of not knowing why I'm different from 'most' people.

I'm 20 and the first half of my assessment is on 20th and the second half will probably be on the 27.
I was also recommended by my university to go the assessment. Actually they attempted to pressure me into going, but I want to get assessed which meant they didn't have to try very hard. "You will get assessed for aspergers or we'll prevent you from attending classes."

I was diagnosed last year at age 28 and I went through exactly what you're going through now. I went into the screening thinking that they'd dismiss my answers because I was being too "textbook" even though they defined me, I thought I'd answer something wrong and he'd tell me that I couldn't have it, etc. But honestly, everything went well and I got my diagnosis. People willing to do adult diagnosis are usually well aware of the fact that many symptoms will be masked by learned behavior and will make their decision based on the underlying traits.

My psychiatrist was able to notice things that I couldn't control and he mentioned it after our interview. He told me that based on my answers and things like the way I was awkwardly sitting in his chair, the fact that I kept touching my chin, the way I could stare at the wall and talk to him without losing focus of the conversation and my intricate knowledge of dates and numbers pointed towards a positive diagnosis (though he told me he'd have to analyze his notes to make a proper diagnosis).

Just relax and be yourself. She'll most likely make you feel comfortable and relaxed, joke around with you and usually guide the conversation so you don't really have to worry about what to say. Because ASD is such a pervasive disorder (hence Pervasive Development Disorder), it's a collection of symptoms rather than one or two so it'd be hard to fake, especially if you give her examples like you've given us.

Best of luck to you and I'm sure everything will go great! This forum is full of awesome people who are extremely supportive so feel free to come back if you need support or just someone to talk to.

Thank you all for the support. It's really great to hear I'm not alone in these experiences.