Why constantly imply I'm stupid?

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I'm posting this mainly because I need a little insight on this behavior. It doesn't upset me so much as confuse the heck out of me, and even concern me.

Now I am typically considered to be on the higher end of average intelligence. I learn generally learn many skills pretty well and fast. I retain information well and I am considered to be decent with words and concepts. But I have one particular person in my life, a family member, who has lately seemed to be almost obsessed with implying I'm stupid, an idiot, clueless and a complete airhead. My way of conversing bothers her and she constantly says I am "trying to make myself sound smart" when I have only made a comment on recent media or a piece of furniture. She looks for any mistake, a word out of place, a fact mixed up (hey we are all human here, mistakes happen,) to go about laughing and correcting and smirking and hinting at my stupidity. She says she's an intelligent person, but the thing is I have never disputed that fact. It's not a competition. I WANT to have smart relatives. Who doesn't? The behavior makes little sense to me. It's like a constant need to be better than me when I am not exactly a threat that would cause that need. Come to think of it, as I type this up, this issue comes up in things not related to brains too, though hardly as often. She's bragged about being pretty while implying I am unattractive, bragged about her cooking while laughing at how I would burn boiling water. (Never done that. I'm actually a decent cook.)

This is getting far beyond frustrating. I have done nothing as far as I can see, to make someone think I am trying to be better than her. It's reaching a point of destroying our relationship with each other, and I lack the social insight to see both how this happened and what exactly to do to put a stop to it.

Ideas anyone?

I may be off here, but I think she might be feeling insecure, and is jealous of/intimidated by you. If it's bothering you too much there are some things you can try.

You could confront her and ask her why she's doing it. Maybe she's getting a wrong message from you. Try reasoning with her and ask her to stop. If she realizes that her actions are hurtful maybe she'll stop.

If that doesn't work you could strike back, by keeping a list of her mistakes, and whenever she points out one of your mistakes you point out one of hers.

Or you could seek help from another relative or a friend. They can give you some better advice on how to deal with her.

If I were in your situation I wouldn't take her too seriously though, she's the one with the self-esteem issues.

Sounds like jealousy to me... desperately trying to prove you aren't as smart as you look, so she isn't that much less intelligent as you are. (or so she feels, i think)

I agree with what the others said...sounds like jealousy and insecurity (something like sibling rivalry?). She feels threatened by you so she wants to get an advantage over you somehow.

You say it's not a competition, but to her it clearly is one...the question is for what? Her standing in the family overall? Or is there some other family member in particular who might show more affection than they show her?

I admit, I've had this happen to me plenty of times, especially when I was bullied at school. Kids would constantly try to make me answer stupid questions to make me sound dumb, then make fun of me for it. There were many kids that not only implied that I was stupid, but called me stupid to my face. Some kids did this to me all the time.

I think your relative is jealous of your abilities and wants to feel like she has worth. I don't recommend being around her if she keeps treating you this way. It sounds as if she has some personal issue that is causing her to act this way.

@ OP: My mom and my sister do this to me on a near-daily basis. An example is whenever I'm trying to help around the house, one or both get upset about it and when I don't help, they still get upset about it. So this leads to me not bothering at all. My mom is a paranoid, self-righteous b***h who thinks she knows what's best for me and my sister is self-righteous in her own right. They both like to think of me as stupid because I'm the only male in the immediate family.

As for ideas you want, I don't have any right now, but PM me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

I would consider that you may be dealing with a narcissists or possibly psychopath, - someone on a spectrum (with some features) if not full blown.

If so, then your behaviors are simply not feeding their needs, or worse still, they may perceive you to be attacking them, their ego, or their position in their imagined hierarchy.
We aspies tend not to recognize many imagined hierarchies, and that is upsetting to many people.

I agree.. jealousy and insecurity sound accurate to me. You mentioned one thing, OP, that got my attention... you say you are good with words. I have found many people become intimidated by people who have a large vocabulary (and use it). It is as though they feel they are being looked down or something. No idea if you are employing the power of big, spiffy words or not... or if they are the types to become defensive over it, for that matter. Just thought I would put that out there.

@ OP: I agree with the others that say it sounds like your relative is insecure. Maybe she's really been-through something lately----divorce, failed a class, failed at a relationship, didn't get the job she wanted, etc.----or, maybe it's something that she's ALWAYS felt about herself (that she was "less than").

I've had this happen to me ALOT of times, and I've almost always detected insecurity in the person doing it. Another thing that I had to consider, though, was what "I" was doing to contribute to the friction in the relationship. One of the things that I thought about was like someone else said: I was using too many "fancy" words----people don't like it----it makes them feel inferior. Another thing that I came-up-with, that I was doing way-back-when, is that I was particularly using big words with people who intimidated ME----and "I" was the one who was insecure. Also, when I was stating facts, all-the-time, I learned that I was feeling that I was stupid, and wanted to be always giving these facts so that I could convince myself (while convincing others) that I was smart. Oftentimes, I would have GREAT difficulty understanding why anybody wouldn't WANT to learn (because I CRAVED learning in hopes of getting smarter, and learning how to behave, for instance, so that I would be liked)----I would think people would WANT the facts----but people just don't like others pointing it out, to them; so, I just had to keep making myself not do it, until I got it down, pretty good.

Another thing is, females just seem to be more competitive, than males. A good example is watching children play together..... Boys will just hit each other, when they have a disagreement, and they're "over it"----girls will hold "whatever" against each other, 'til kingdom come, for some reason.

people who put down other people have big problems. i'd avoid her whenever possible.

At some point I realized that people put a lot of emphasis on the "colloquialness" of one's speech. What I heard was, "you think you're better than everyone else" (which was very much the opposite of what I thought).

Apparently, NT's interpret overly-formal speech (say, using "too many" 3-or-greater syllable words, and overly correct grammar) as an attempt to assert that you are intellectually (and thus socially) superior to whomever you're speaking to. "Putting on airs" -- pretending to be something you're not.

So, maybe that is causing your family member to counter-attack in an attempt to negate your assertion (in their mind) that you're intellectually superior.

I eventually learned to modulate my speech (thought it's a bit of mess at times), though it has always seemed a pain in the *** and ridiculous that people are so oversensitive in that way. I think it's fundamentally an issue of social status (perceptions of attempting to "climb the ladder"), which people are usually ridiculously finely attuned to.