I cant keep up

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Its really frustrating. I'm struggling to manage my life right now. I've always struggled with stuff like time management, stress management and prioritizing. I work really hard, but due to these difficulties, I tend to fall short.

At uni, I'm very aware of how slow I am and how much I struggle to keep up with the course. I love the subject and I work extremely hard, but my work is not up to a good standard and finishing is very difficult for me to do. I'm also frightfully forgetful, no matter how hard I try to mitigate this through lists and taking notes.

In my home life, I'm struggling to do basic things like get up at a reasonable hour, eating correctly, making sure I don't spend too long on one thing... Generally speaking, just having structure and stability in my life.

I feel like I just can't keep up with everything around me. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I know people say I should be grateful fir the things I can do really well (which I am) but that has nothing to do with wanting to be a functioning member of society.

I think that the people around you must put too much pressure on you and hold too high expectations. They ought to appreciate you as they are because trying to be the best in society is what 'everyone' does but I don't see any of those people being happy.

I might be totally wrong about that but if it's true then in my opinion throw away other people's expectations and do your personal best rather than do what other people want. You are your own person, not a puppet.

<hugs> I hear ya. It's a constant juggle, and sometimes balls get dropped no matter how hard we try.

Are you registered with your unis disability services? Have you spoken to them about what help is available to assist you with your studies? Unis also have other services that can teach you tips about how to write a better assignment and that sort of thing. You usually have to go find these sorts of things as they're not really advertised and people don't know about them.

I think most people on here can probably relate to feeling like they can't keep up, so you're not alone there. Maybe it would help to have smaller goals, and not try so much to be like yoghurt commercial women (You know the ones with the packed salad lunches who are on top of everything in their lives) If eating well is challenging, make the goal smaller. You could aim to eat vegetables once a day for instance. You'll still be eating better even if it's not as well as you'd like.

The same goes for uni. It can be hard to be surrounded by all these high achievers with huge ambitions. It can make you feel like you're not as good. Which is silly, because no one is better than anyone else. And in my experience, those "aim for the stars" people have never actually experienced any kind of hardship and have had many things handed to them.
I think you're selling yourself short. Maybe your classmates are doing better, but their brains work in a different way that makes it much easier for them. I guarantee if they had the same struggles, a lot of them would give up. You're there and you're doing your best. Kudos to you. Who's the superstar now?

I think you're trying to do too much!

Your home life, you need some appreciation and support...


at the UNI ...you are getting fractured and disabled...
at the UNI takes total commitment AND resources AND free time?

How about taking yourself as a standard? Sometimes you will do things a little better than usual, or at least not much worse, and if you underperform, try to find the reason why you are having more trouble than usual. There must be (at least) one reason, Aspergers have just more trouble in finding it/them. A good excuse will make you feel better.

Modesty helps a lot, too. And a good grounding in the "less is more" philosophy and that little things can be more significant than big things. I think that Aspergers have often trouble in seeing the small effects, and the big changes they can bring about, and are too easily impressed by the seemingly big effects which are often as shallow as the people that produce them for their own ego.

As for the finishing problem: you share it with many people. I for one am good at helping others to finish their papers, or preparing their presentations, but have been quite bad most of the time when it came to my stuff, in particular, when it was very important to me. Now with a little bit more life experience, I would say that there is some decency in having a problem with finishing; after all many bigger problems need more time to get them sorted out. (good excuse!)

As for time management issues: most approaches to time management are counter-productive and just make you feel worse (the lists!). I liked the Skillful Means series of Tarthang Tulku though. That is more about keeping the focus right, while remaining available for the important things in life. Not that I have really followed the exercises he proposed (at least in his first book), but just reading the books, had a positive effect on my perception at work.

In general Aspergers should try to avoid too much stress, because they are already more vulnerable to stress- and anxiety-related health issues. (good excuse for a lot of things).

Best wishes,
Evam

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Sounds like you are trying to do too much. Cut back on your work/course load, at least when your next semester starts. At home, cut back on the household chores. Mop up real messes when needed, but let general clutter go for a while. If you change sheets once a week, try every two weeks for a while. Same for other chores. Reduce, reduce, reduce!

Time is what I have plenty of, stress would be avoidable if I moved out of my parents house. However I lack cash.

Thanks to everyone for responding. I would've responded sooner, but I lost track of this post until just now.

I don't think it is fair to blame the world for my stress. I chose this career path and I have made a commitment to it. I want to work in the creative industries, so that is generally a very stressful environment. I can't change the environment, but I can learn ways to adapt.

I suppose in some ways, my expectations are unreasonable as the kind of people I am comparing myself to are devoted to their careers and highly competitive. I hold myself to a standard that, admitedly, most people would never be so masochistic to do. I know that my future is uncertain and that I'll be broke, but my career is so important to me that I'm willing to put up with it.

I do get support at the uni. They can't fix my problems willy nilly, but they do help me with stuff like mitigating circumstances and giving aspergers specific advice.

I think my feelings transcend aspergers and seem to be more about how I feel about myself. As silly as this sounds, I feel defined by my art and career and if I can't live up to the demands of the industry, I don't know who I am and what I am doing on this planet.

I know its selfish to think that way because I have loved ones who love me and I still have meaning to somebody. But I will not be me if I can't do art. Hell, I don't care if I have to work in a sh***y job I hate forever if it means I can still animate. I just want to be good at this and I want to be a better person.

Sounds like you are an amazing person. Try not to let daily struggles make you think you are a bad person.

I had trouble getting through college with the same problems. I made it because my parents knew I was struggling and helped to offer ideas. And most of the time they just listened.