How do you avoid the stigma of being disliked?

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As someone on the spectrum, I find myself in the unique position of getting on a poor start with "new" people, because they already know I'm disliked or unpopular. Examples:

A). Finding a new therapist and telling him / her that I have no one. EFFECT: The therapist is likely to treat me like crap because he / she knows there are no real consequences. I've experienced being lied to and other unpleasantries by the mental health profession with only a few exceptions.

(Studies show that if a doctor thinks you have a large support network, he / she will treat you better. (It's true!! )

B). Trying to make new friends, and they know that I don't have any other friends. EFFECT: The friend is more likely to believe that there is a reason for the past rejections.

I really don't know how to get around this. In order to be authentic, I don't feel that I can really hide how unpopular I am and how much emotional stress it causes on a daily basis.

Pretending to have friends just isn't me. However, I have experienced being mistreated by others who somehow exploit this knowledge to their advantage.

Anyone else with the same experiences? Do you think there is a way to avoid the stigma of being disliked or unpopular?

Move to a new place? Then you have an excuse for not having any friends, because you're new in town.

Another thing that does work is to develop and attitude where you don't give a sh*t. Show confidence even if you don't feel it and then it becomes real and you actually don't care anymore. People will probably begin to accept you after you get to that stage because they admire you not needing a group of people around you to feel okay.


I mean this is what I did at one point when I was younger and it worked but everyone is different.

I suppose you might tell a therapist you have no friends, but of course, if they know anything about AS/HFA, that's kind of a given, but it by no means indicates that you're unlikeable. I had no friends and was going through a divorce, and a therapist old me I was among their favorite patients, simply because I was articulate and non-threatening. Apparently dealing with the mentally unstable all day can be stressful, when you're constantly concerned one of them might assault you.

If you just met someone and feel a friendship could develop, I can't imagine why you would volunteer the information that you have no other friends. If the other person likes you and you have common interests, then it really shouldn't matter, but truthfully, mentioning it out loud does sound rather pathetic and needy and nobody wants a clinging vine. If they happened to ask if I had other friends, I'd just say "Eh - not really, I'm pretty much a loner," and let it go at that. Otherwise, don't mention it.

Really, what I'm hearing is that you go into situations expecting people to dislike you. I think most people are generally willing to give you a chance, unless you give them a reason not to. If you don't smell bad, have a disagreeable attitude, or behave objectionably, there's no reason why people would automatically dislike you.

Those of us with AS/HFA are notoriously poorly skilled at making connections with others, but I don't think that in most cases that's because people actively dislike us. They just don't know us, and we're not very good at putting ourselves out there to be known.

Remove all traces of your existence. Nobody will dislike you... but then again no one will like you either.

In all seriousness i too have trouble with making connections with other people. Try the Social Skills and Making Friends board. People more experienced than me should be able to help you out with your predicament.

In reference to the making friends point, I always thought that it depended on who you wanted to be friends with that mattered. What I mean by this is, if people are rejecting you on the basis you haven't or don't have many friends, then surely they're not worth your time? I am told this frequently. Maybe it is just a point of eventually finding a person or people that don't give a crap about your past, as long as they like you. I don't think a person can always avoid being disliked, I am told that everyone dislikes someone. I am not sure you will find this helpful but just a thought.

I just make myself very likable; it's mostly a matter of going with the flow and actually listening to what people say, which is a surprisingly rare trait.

Quote: If you just met someone and feel a friendship could develop, I can't imagine why you would volunteer the information that you have no other friends. End Quote.

This I would have to echo. It seems like your lack is friends is the only thing on your mind, and so you are constantly obsessing about it. I wouldn't worry about it, when you meet new people. It's not their concern (and they most likely don't care) that you aren't close with anyone. I would suggest that you not obsess over it. If you have hobbies or something you enjoy, I would recommend you explore those things, as a way to get your mind off this obsession. It sounds like you are lonely- if so, then strike up a conversation with someone about their day/ their life/ etc-- don't worry about your friend count while you are talking with them.

I have found that the older I get, the more I don't care about having friends-- acquaintances are fine with me. I'm a solitary creature and would be fine alone. It's nice to have people say "hi" when I pass them in the hallway-- but not have the relationship any deeper than that.

I dont make new friends.. Very rarely.. I have few buddies which I trust, and almost every new person I meet, is through them.. If I meet new people, which are not known through friends, its always from internet forums and games.. But its not always that i meet these people in real life due distances..

But most people I really dont like, im a BIT selective.. :p

Don't tease, when someone tells you to stop or quit it, listen. If someone starts to get mad at you, stop what you are doing. Keep to yourself, don't butt into topics, don't have an opinion about everything, go with the flow, be laid back, don't be a leader or try and be in control, don't talk about the same things all the time to the same people, don't try and get attention, keep to yourself, and listen to what people say.

I still don't have any friends and I don't get invited anywhere but I have given up on friends in real life in my teens. I can go to groups and I still won't make friends or get invited.

Yes it's true not everyone will like you and it happens to normies too. Dislike and not like are not the same thing but most people use it the same way. I don't even try and get people to like me, if it happens it does. I also look at what types of people I can't stand and I avoid being that person. If that person doesn't like me, I see it as "good, I wouldn't want to be with that sort of person anyway so they are doing me a favor."

Here's how you avoid it:

Stop telling people that. Stop being negative about it.

If you meet someone and the first thing you do is whine & complain that you have no friends, then they'll not only know you have no friends.. but they'll know you're a negative whiner & complainer and won't want to be around you. Simple as that.

To the contrary, if you don't tell them you have no friends.. they will never know!! Then they can't judge you for it.. and if you don't whine & complain, they won't perceive you as a whiner & complainer!! Then they can't judge you for that, either.

I'm not saying you have to put on some fake optimistic act, just Be present & neutral vs. over sharing your own negative thoughts about yourself.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I used to find it difficult to make friends. As an adult i understand the true issue lies with me not wanting friends yet seeing the 'rule' in the world is to have many friends. I am happy with just a couple people i can be social with, spending time alone or being with my pets. If I focus on being satisfied with my life and the activities I participate in rather than being 'typical' with regards to having people like me, I am happier.