OCD and Relationships/Breakups

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Hi everyone,

I was wondering if it was just me, or if anyone else here suffers from a similar sort of thing. I've never had massively long relationships, they usually only last about a month or two, and I seem to be suffering from the same problem in each - I can be very controlling and obsessive, and I stop seeing the person so much for who they are, as who I want them to be, which can make people quite uncomfortable. I'm learning how to deal with this, and I've gotten some good insight into it recently, which helps!

A bigger issue I'm struggling to tackle at the minute is dealing with the breakup - it's been a month and I seem to have gotten myself in an OCD thought loop - I know the match wasn't the best, and there were lots of problems, so logically it makes sense to me that she ended things, but the obsessive part of myself wants to 'fix' things and keeps insisting I need to talk to her. I tried this and it went very badly, but the loop continues in my head - I need to talk to her, I need to fix this, I need to hold onto this, as the loop says. Does anyone have any experience in breaking these obsessive loops?

Any help or people who suffer some similar would be greatly appreciated.

I have been there before, and I have found that it works best to find something, or someone else to think about, instead. You could also try making a list of the pros and cons of having a relationship with this person. Most likely, the cons will outweigh the pros, and you will get to see visually, why this person wasn't a good match for you.

From what I can gather (idk, I've never done so), obsessing about breakups is normal. What to do about it? Well, don't contact her. Ever. Don't even entertain the thought of ever talking to her "in the future" at this point either. With time, these thoughts/feelings should fade away by themselves, but I'd recommend distracting yourself with something new. I wouldn't follow the other person's advice of possibly finding somebody else to think about, because it sounds like you've got some things to work on before trying out another relationship or you'll have the same issues.

I think I understand what I did and what went wrong, and what not to do in the future, but obviously putting it into practice is a different issue. Why is it so bad to entertain the notion of talking to her, even in the future when I'm over this though?

I had BAD OCD problems in my 1st two relationships & I had a mental breakdown after the 1st relationship ended because of my OCD dwelling on things. I also got pretty controlling in those relationships which is the biggest reason things ended. I never had the OCD problem in my 3rd relationship(which is my current) because I decided to treat my OCD by taking Neurontin/Gabapentin.

Do you recommend trying medication for it? As I feel like I'm in that breakdowny loop stage and not getting any better, but I was thinking of trying CBT first.

If you decide not to go on meds, something that would help in this particular case is to focus on the fact that she broke up with you and not the way around. There is absolutely nothing to be done if the other person is the breaker, it's dead.

I'm going to seek treatment and avoid meds for now, but I'll see how things go. I know there's nothing to do for the relationship - doesn't change the fact my brain tells me there is! :S