Eye contact

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I have an 11year old boy who I am trying everything I know to try and force him to make eye contact with others.

From personal experience, I would say no. But you might want more than just a poll of those of us here, in order to make your decision.

I look at the bridge of peoples noes or near their eyes. Most people think I am giving them direct eye contact unless I am really close.
I don't think forcing eye contact is a good thing, to me its scary, maybe it is with your son, too.
Do you want him to make eye contact for politeness purposes or are you hoping he will gain something else?

I am really wanting him to make eye contact for politeness as people can tend to overlook what he says or not understand him when he is not looking at them, plus he doesn't swallow in the way i would expect so I have to keep reminding him otherwise it sounds as if he is talking with a mouthful of water

I didn't even know about the whole eye contact thing until I was fifteen! And yet, no one ever complained if I was simply looking at their face. But since I first read about eye contact, I've been doing it automatically. I wouldn't force your eleven-year-old. He'll probably start doing it on his own sooner or later. After all, no one likes to be nagged to do something.

You shouldn't force anyone to do anything.

Tim

No it might make him more uncomfortable.

Honestly,my first response was that you should lose custody of your child.I am sorry at how harsh that sounds but,it really turns my stomach when parents talk about trying to change their children in areas I find unimportant.Who cares if I look in your eyes.
Honestly,does it make me a better person.The same people who can look someone in the eyes can also lie without effort(and the pain it causes me)and stab the person in the back,as soon as it is turned.Get your priorities right.when I look into someones eyes,I am to destracted to llisten to their words or give an intelligent response to their conversations.Teach him to read their lips(look at their mouths)that is a bit more useful.

Over all,I wish parents would stop playing god with their kids.....Could you conceivable question your "right" to control them?You think because you gave them birth....well,chances are,you also gave them AS,so maybe you could learn to start loving them as they are since you bare the brunt of why they are the way they are.

Do parents have any idea how much damage they do in trying to "fix" a child?Teach the child to look as if they are looking in the persons eyes when they get old enough that sucjh things matter...when looking for a job.They may have ,earned on their own how to "fake this" by that time,anyway.

Sorry,I cant think clearly right now,I feel nausious,childhood memories make me physically ill.

There are a lot of techniques people have developed here...I'd teach him the importance or significance of eye contact, find out why he hates it so much (though it's usually pretty obvious...it's scary, uncomfortable or awkward) and work with him to find other ways around it. I'm NT myself and sometimes I'll look at something near the eyes, the bridge of the nose for example, rather than staring someone in the face. It can get intense sometimes.

I have noticed though, from the Aspies I know IRL, that they have a different kind of eye contact from most. These folks I know have more of an intense stare...it weirds me out XD My boyfriend in particular has these bright green eyes that just burn into you if he's decided to glare...whoo, scary Oo; It'll take your boy time to learn the etiquette of eye contact, if he ever does at all.

If it causes him too much discomfort...don't bother :/

My thought was no, but maybe you can have him practice making eye contact and if he finds it too overwhelming, then he shouldn't be forced to.

NO!! !

forcing a child with aspies to look at people in the eyes can lead to anxiety, and can cause really bad emotion embalances later on in that kids life.

My parents tried to force me, and it caused a lot of problems with me, now i always avoid contact with peoples faces.

Raph522 - For me it's more of a disinterest response. Eye contact is a show of interest amongst many things in the NT world (sincerity also being a big one...stare someone in the eyes as you say something, and they usually believe you actually mean it).

If I'm not that remarkably interested in what someone's saying or doing I'll probably just fuzz out and look at the face in general, or the bridge of the nose. If I'm not interested at all I won't even look at 'em for extended periods

It's a massive part of body language so even if it's unbearable to stare someone in the eyes directly, there are so many decoys you can use to make it SEEM like you're doing so you should be able to play the game very well

ok forcing an aspie to do anything is a recipe for revolt....anyway my 5 yo son i encourage to make eye contact with me only, and i ask him to look at people in the mouth like me..we are both aspies..also i am planning on teaching him sign language lkater this helps to read facial expressions and body language but in a practical and functional manner, not a forced manner.

Yeah. Looking at the mouth is something many of us seem to learn. It doesn't quite work, but is close enough for most people to just not notice.