Feel like a femboy in a womans body. Whats wrong with me?

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Hello everyone, its been a long road for me but if you have the time, read through my story because I could really use some advice.

I've been searching for the words to describe my sexuality and gender identity for years but unfortunately I don't think anybody has the same issues I do. I dated boys in high school but I didn't like it. By didn't like it I mean as a *GIRL* I didn't like it. I used to fantasize about being an adorable gay feminine boy when my boyfriends would kiss me because me being a woman with them just didn't appeal to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm VERY VERY girly to the extreme. Pink all over my walls, cherry blossoms on my desk, Frilly dresses GALORE. So WHY do I feel this way then?! I just don't get it.
I decided a few years ago to give up and call myself asexual because I just can't handle not knowing my own sexuality. Its like a puzzle with many missing pieces. In the past I have... Engaged in activities as the girly boy I imagine myself as and Its always been wonderful but I get extremely shy about it and end up running away. I suppose I'm ashamed of myself for how I feel. Because of my intense shyness and refusal of intimacy as a woman, I haven't had a boyfriend in 10 years. What should I do and where should I go from here? Does anybody else go through this I wonder?

*While I love being girly, I don't necessarily love being a girl. I have chest dysphoria and I wear a binder half the time. Is this some weird insane form of transgender or am I just nuts?*

I dont think anything's "wrong" with you, really... stuff like this is confusing by nature, and I guarantee there are others in your situation.

My own certainly is confusing. I'm male, but I got really attracted to the whole idea of males that really look like girls. Why? Heck if I know. And so, I started to sort of try to adapt myself into that sort of thing. This mostly manifests in my appearance, as I decided to try to go for as much of an androgynous look as possible. It's hard to tell entirely wether it succeeds or not. Though, I do get mistaken for a girl every now and then; heck, it happened on this forum recently when I put up a photo of myself. And that's pleasing. ....and again, I'm never entirely sure just why this is. Though it's worth noting that my personality doesnt actually match my appearance.

There's a bit more to it than that (and no, I'm not trans) but you get the idea. I had agonized over it for a short time, but then I quickly decided that doing so was aggravating and also dull... it wasnt doing me any good. So... I basically stopped questioning/worrying about it too much and decided to just sort of roll with it. I figure, if someone else has a problem with me because of it.... well, it's THEIR problem. Maybe they shouldnt be such jerks. Hardly my fault.

Perhaps trying to look at it with that sort of view might help... that maybe it might seem strange to you, but is that really that bad? Something being odd to so-called regular people/society does not immediately make it a negative thing. If the idea makes you happy and you feel it suits you, why not just go with it? There's no reason to think something's wrong with you.

I've been lurking around here for a while, and finally decided to create an account so I could reply. About five years ago, I wrote pretty much the exact same thing you did.

Nothing is wrong with you!

It's pretty common, actually, for trans people to be bi/pan/gay and to not conform to the gender expression associated with our genders. I'm having trouble finding the exact study now, but the largest survey of trans people showed that over half of trans people are attracted to people of their own gender. A lot of binary trans people don't conform to the gender expression associated with their gender- I know trans men who are drag queens, love glitter and pink, and love being who they are- feminine men!

Also, in case you're not familiar with the concept, you don't have to identify as a man or a woman- more than two genders exist! And you don't have to identify with a gender other than "man" just because your gender expression is more in line with the gender expression that is associated with women. Some men, cis and trans, are even more stereotypically feminine than many women, and they're still male/men, and it's perfectly OK! What isn't OK is the fact that society tells us were wrong and confused.

Dimorphic sex theory and the gender binary are socially constructed, which isn't to say they aren't real, but that they're real because people believe they're real. I'm not great at explaining this, so http://askanonbinary.tumblr.com/post/92035204270/sex-is-a-social-construct-and-a-bad-one-at-that may be more useful for you to read. Actually, most cultures through out history haven't recognized a gender/sex binary! To me, the strange thing is that so many people think it makes sense, but that is likely because it fits most people pretty well and isn't questioned much cuz patriarchy can't really exist without a clear distinction between men and women.

Ok, I realize I'm getting into theory here and you're just trying to figure yourself out. So, I'll move on after this: you can gender yourself and your body however you want, and if that means saying your a man in a woman's body, go for it. But, you don't have to. Bodies aren't inherently gendered; we label them with genders. Most people label their body as the gender that they are because their body belongs to them- most trans men say that their body is a man's body because they're men and their bodies belong to them.

Now, I realize that just asserting that you're body is male (if you're male) isn't going to relieve much dysphoria. Personally, I label my body as fully male and also recognize that my brain doesn't seem to understand why my hips jut out so much, why there are lumps on my chest, why I never felt right on estrogen. It's just that I don't label my hips female simply because my brain seems to think they should be narrower. Male and female are just labels; use them however they make you comfortable.

Now, I understand all too the well the difficulties with money/employment/doctors that many autistic and trans people face, and I don't know your situation. But, the fact that you're feminine is definitely not a reason to put off transitioning (unless you're really worried about being perceived as a fem boy in our society, but most fem trans men find it easier to deal with that than with dysphoria.)

Also, transitioning can be whatever you want! If you want a flat chest, see a therapist who specializes in trans issues. You'll need a letter from a therapist to get top surgery, and you'll need to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria to get your insurance to possibly cover it. If you can't afford it/ your insurance isn't trans inclusive, then maybe try gofundme. Lots of trans people have raised money for their surgeries that way. If you want to change your hormone levels so that they are in a range considered normal for a cis male your age, that is totally OK. If you would rather have hormone levels in between that of a cis male and cis female, that is totally OK! If you don't want to go on hormones at all and just want top surgery, that is totally OK! If you'd like to change your legal name to a name that is considered a man's name in our society, either because it make you more comfortable and/or it would help others to recognize your gender, then go for it! If you want to keep your name and be viewed as male, then just tell people that you're a man with a name typically associated with women. There aren't any rules to being trans; it is just about making your life better and expressing yourself authentically.

I realize all of this stuff can be really scary and confusing. Overall, our society doesn't recognize trans people's genders as valid and ignores us. So, even when you're trans, it can be confusing and scary to think about this stuff. Try to relax about it, and just make the changes (if any) that you want to make when you're ready to make them. Also, maybe try connecting with trans people like yourself. It helped me alot to meet other gay, fem, trans men online because it helped me understand that I'm not alone or broken. If you have any questions or would like to talk more about this, feel free to message me!

You don't need to be super macho to be trans. I know plenty of effeminate cis-men (many of them aren't even gay). Your gender expression is separate from whatever dysphoria you might be feeling about your body. Have you talked to your GP about this? Maybe talk to a counsellor who specialises in gender dysphoria?

Sorry, there's not a lot I can suggest as I am not totally familiar with the ins and outs of the trans community. As long as you feel comfortable with yourself, it doesn't matter how well you fit in a box, y'know what I mean?

You know Transpeople r straight or gay. I have gender dysphoria too but I am in the process of transitioning. I been a man for the last 2 yrs now but I do still have problems with my body parts. I date women especially transwomen for the last few yrs now

There's nothing wrong with you and you're more common than you think

Nothing's wrong with you - unusual, sure, but only boring people are normal! You are definitely trans, and you have the right to be who you feel you should be, and be treated that way by others.

I know it's been a long time, but I wanted to update this post with new information. I finally figured out that I'm nonbinary. Been out for about a year now and I'm much happier. Thank you so much everyone who helped me figure this out! I hope you are all doing wonderfully and to the ones just as confused as I was, I hope you've figured yourselves out and are now living to the fullest.

Hey ! i am new here so it's gonna be messy, and i am french, but i understand because i am curently a girl, but i am struguling to understand what i am and at first i was thinking i was gendefluid, but it did'nt match..so i was kinda clueless and i told my parents i was non-binary and they were not really understanding but it was fine but i really don't feel non-binary i think now i am a demiboy and i kinda also was lesbian before and now bi but as a girl i really hate relationship with male but if i was a boy it would be good and i want to cut my boobs out of my body and utérus because i never really wanted to make a baby and it's all because i don't need to be a full boy and your valid ^^

Nobody is perfect

There is something wrong with everything

Your desires and emotions are not "wrong"

They are just not "right" either