Passive aggressiveness...that is unconscious?

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Have you ever known someone who just seems to have a compulsion to try to hurt your feelings or insult you? Even if they act like they are really trying to be nice? Almost like they don't even realize they are doing it and they just can't control themselves.

My mother does this a lot, and I'm not sure if she's really aware of it. I think she just has a lot of deep-seated hostility towards me and this is how it naturally comes out.

I know someone else who also does this a lot, but I can't tell if they knowingly do it on purpose or not. Either way, I am thinking as above, they have a deep-seated hostility towards me.

Sometimes these little comments and behaviors just take my breath away...no one else would catch it, but from my perspective it is obviously calculated to do some damage to me or put me in my place.

I find there is very little I can say or do in response to it, without coming across like I'm making too much of it. And I guess that's what the game is, to bait me into getting emotional and/or confrontational.

I know people who will goad others into action, either for sport or reason.

However at times I feel I've been aware of something that annoys someone, then purposely tried to avoid the topic or whatever, but by consciously avoiding the subject I've brought it up, and then probably given them a funny look to sort of say sorry which in turn was misread as icing on the cake...

Keep calm and carry on

Can you give an example?

Yes , there are many excellent examples of this from replies to my thread "Am I on the spectrum ? you be the judge" thanks to a few key trolls.

What they're doing is concisely described by your entire first paragraph.

Astounding

"put me in my place"----I think THIS says-it-all, right there. I think people get intimidated by us, because we're knowledgeable about alot of things, and they think we're smarter than them. Because of this, they are constantly searching, it seems, for a way to prove us wrong, or "put us in our place"----to say: "SEE, you're not all that!" The thing IS, we're the ones that get accused of thinking we're better than others, when it's THEM that think they aren't good-enough.

I used to have a "friend" that did that----was constantly searching, it seemed, to find a fault in me, to prove me wrong, or whatever. I finally said to her, one time: "Why do you take EVERY available opportunity, to put me down?" Dead silence. I don't think she realized she was doing it----NOT that I'm taking-up, for her----I'm just going-by the type of person she was, overall.

I think it can be deliberate and also other times an unconscious way some people operate. Some people seem to make a habit of deliberately employing passive aggression though.

There's an acquaintance I have who has started doing this to me lately. A recent example was that we were talking on the phone and I see now that he was trying to get rid of me. He started giving me total bullsh!t responses to things I said.

I'm not good at instant processing of a change in the mood of a conversation or a person, and so it all caught me off guard and I didn't immediately respond with calling him out on this. It was only afterward I realized he was using a passive aggressive technique he hoped would annoy me enough to make me end the conversation as he didn't seem to know how to just end it himself. It would only need a simple, "Well, I gotta go but talk again soon, okay?" But he does seem to lie about some "reason" he needs to get off the phone. I just don't know why someone can't just say they have to go. He's NT if that might have something to do with it.

See what I have to deal with ?

Kaylamiyarne fits this never-ending unconscious behavior to a T.
Bitter I suppose because I did not respond to her "advice".
K, I mentioned you, is your scorned female ego satisfied ?
Following people to different threads to troll them further is kind od evil.

Perhaps now you see the error of your ways and will desist ?

Oh that's right, you'll never stop your evil, because you're probably more NT than autistic.

My best friend of almost 40 years did that. I don't think she made digs at me the first half of the friendship but as she got older and more bitter about her life and the people she knew and life in general she was relentless. If you watch "Big Bang Theory", Sheldon does that to Leonard and Howard.

Some people at work do that and it creates a hostile work environment for everyone but them.

I do have one specific friend who has made dozens of little comments over the years I've known her. Mostly they relate to my appearance or my intelligence. I am partially to blame--my feelings are sincerely hurt by her subtle jabs, but I never communicate this to her. I guess there's a small possibility that she isn't trying to be mean-spirited, and that I'm just reading into it too much. If I ever mentioned it, she might be sincerely sorry for giving me the wrong impression... who knows.

Regarding the OP: yes, I have a parent and one acquaintance that can behave as you describe. Over the years I've invested time trying to figure it all out. But, I finally decided to just mentally tag them as "Emotionally Not Safe For Me" and either limit (parent) or eliminate (acquaintance) contact with them.

It could unconscious passive aggressiveness towards you from others, or it could be you processing others actions and words into perceived passive aggressiveness towards you.