Asperger Teen and Living Skills

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What is reasonable to expect from an asperger teen age 18 with a high IQ? My son can fix any computer problem but it is very difficult for him to do basic living skills tasks: cooking, cleaning, etc. How much would one accept as just part of Asperger's and then how much would one want to take baby steps in teaching the Asperger teen tasks. The problem is that often my son gets frustrated when trying to learn and gives up. This is my first time writing here. I do not have any good support from other parents as I don't know any that have asperger teens. My son was diagnosed late at almost 17 years, so this is all new to me. Would appreciate any feedback on how to train someone older the living skills they just refused to learn in their younger years. He was always a straight A student in school, so I just overlooked the other stuff. Hindsight is 20/20 though isn't it? Any suggestions?

just take it step by step and work on things gradually. Also trying to sort him out to go to an OT (ocupational therapist) to see what he can actually do himself would help

I think step by step is the best way to go, too. Thank you for your feedback.

how about breaking tasks down into more manageable steps ? ....instead of expecting him to totally take over a dishwashing sequence, start with teaching him how to rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. work on this for awhile, and then when he seems to have mastered this~move on to the next steps.
stop beating yourself up, too ! we can only handle that which we understand.

I too think that step-by-step is the best way, and try to focus attention on what you have managed to achieve each time you attempt a task rather than what you didn't achieve in that session.

Also, I was quite 'academic' at that age too, but useless at 'living skills'. What helped me was writing down clear step-by-step instructions for these tasks, because it enabled me to try to use the 'academic' part of my brain to learn them which was easier for me.

I find cooking fun, thats a good idea

Maybe you could create a list of daily tasks that need to be done that can be checked off as they are done and then lamenate it.

We did this with our son to help him remember what he needed to do every morning to get ready for school. Not only did this help him create a routine, but is also helped him stay on track.

As for learning how to cook, do laundry, etc., as others have mentioned, break it down and repeat often.

I appreciated these suggestions. Thank you all for taking the time.

Break everything down into steps and make timetables, visual schedules etc. Whatever works for him, he needs those skills (even though may I say plenty of NT males that age and older haven't got them).

there's a series of books put out by Attainment Company called Look & Cook~ no text, just pictures of step by step instructions on 100's of recipes for both the stove and microwave.....

My son made a sandwich himself yesterday. Today I asked him if he wanted to learn how to make pancakes and he said yes and did a fine job of making them. I am so grateful he is trying. I made sure I told him how well he was doing. Plus he even took an hour walk himself. I will keep acknowledging the good and in time I am hopeful that all will go just fine. I am keeping my spirits up.

Good Stuff!

Just remember, it is going to be very much a slow going process and baby steps all the way. He may also regress at times of high stress or agravation. Just keep it all positive. I am sure he is just as frustrated with it all, and probably is a little overwhelmed. It is possible in this regard he has really shyed away from it in the past.

I think trying to have him do things with you, participating as much or little as he wants / is able to is best. Try to "apprentice" him in basic skills. Don't expect him to just magically be able to do things once you have "taught" him, repeated exposure and lots of hands on coaching is most likely going to be needed.

My son is 12, and I still have a hard time getting him to shower and wash his hair correctly at times! One day, he can do it, a month later... he cannot. It is very frustrating.

My mother, also probably a fellow Aspie, and a Borderline Personality, would one day be very patient with me growing up, the next flying into fits of rage, hurling insults at my "stupidity" or "refusal" to take care of basic things, like cleaning my room, making a bed right, just about anything. I sure wish Dr. Phil could have asked her 10 years ago "And how is that working for you?"

Good luck.

after I posted the above, I thought about something that just demonstrates how our Aspies really have a problem with basic skills.

My 12 year old often does starve. Simply because he does not take the time to eat. He leaves the house, and does not return for hours and hours. He won't come home to eat. Or, at lunch, he will come home and go to the computer, getting him to make something to eat is very difficult. As a young boy, he could not finish a meal in the time allowed for lunch at school!

Overall, getting him to do any basic skill, is next to impossible. I myself am disorganized, so maybe it is my fault right?

Except for my 2 and 4 year old NTs.

They both will go get food if they are hungry. They will both go and grab the milk or juice and bring it to me to make a point that they are thirsty. My daughter (4) already brushes her hair and teeth so that she "looks pretty and is clean for school". on her own initiative. Her teacher has reported that she is very responsible in the class. Overall, dispite my parenting and inattention at times, they are both very independant, self advocate when needed, and let me know, or get things for themselves all the time! In some ways, they have better life skills then my 12 year old!

On the other hand, he is responsible enough to go out and play independantly, and does walk his sister to school every day at least once. It isn't that he can't be responsible, it is just he seems to miss the cues for basic life skills, like cooking, cleaning and hygene. He CAN be trusted at a park, he CAN be trusted in the neighbourhood, he can even watch the younger ones for very brief periods of time. (like 10 or 20 minutes if one on one, not both of them).

Overall, I just want to say, your sons dependance on you, is in no way shape or form, your fault. The therapist does not have an understanding of what Asperger's is. I am glad you got a new one!

You know that is so true about some NT kids being able to do things that perhaps someone with Aspergers would be challenged with. Actually one time my son got dehydrated because he wouldn't even get himself a drink of water. That is how bad it got at one time. Now he makes sure he drinks enough daily which is good. He has a good doctor who explains things very well to my son and is very compassionate and helpful. That doctor is also very respectful of me which sure is nice too. I am very proud of how kind my son is to people and how he is such a good gentle spirit. He is also intelligent and can help me understand many things that are just way too over my head. It is amazing how he can solve any computer problems easily for myself or any of my friends. He can do it over the telephone at times too, that is how well he knows computers. I would think he would be successful at his own computer business if he coupled up with a salesman type so he wouldn't have to deal with the public. I know there is hope and I will keep with my hope. Thanks again all.