Autistic females who did not get diagnosed in childhood

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What would you say your tendency was?

I would be loud and obnoxious...or extremely shy. I didn't know about meltdowns then, so I would also be very very grumpy.

My kindergarten teacher described me on my report card as "willful." That about sums it up: I was me, whether I was loud or quiet. It was other people's reactions that defined me as good or bad.

On the whole I was a "good girl."

I was sort of just weird. I used to get in trouble for reading stuff other than the assignments in class because I had finished early, or I read ahead so far while people were reading out loud that I didn't know where we were when my turn came to read, which made teachers angry, they thought I was a know-it-all & really hated me. Other kids weren't always nice to me, so my mother gave me the (possibly counterproductive) advice to fake it til I make it in the self-confidence department. I always stood/sat ramrod straight & held my head high, which most of the time just made people think I was stuck up when in reality I was shy or uncomfortable. When I did get around friends I sort of became a ham, trying to make people laugh... and I was always really, really into rules (unless they seemed unfair) and not lying or embellishing the truth. If anything seemed unfair to me, I fought against it tooth & nail, whether it was a school dress code or someone being a bully. I always thought I was good, but others had different opinions of me (mean because I was terrible to bullies, stuck up because I didn't let my head hang when they were awful to me, etc).

When I was a kid I was pretty outgoing and didn't mind strangers or different environments. In fact I'd be fascinated at being in a new place and wandering off the second I had the chance and it's a wonder my parents didn't tie me to a stake. I was also friends with other kids. But as I neared adolescence my so-called best friend started being nasty to me for acting like a crybaby and being prone to tantrums in school.

When I became a teen I was described as being quiet, withdrawn, appeared to be confused and disoriented and had poor peer relations. I went to the IWK hospital in Halifax where they gave me all kinds of psychology quizzes to figure out why. I would ask my mother why I was so different and neither she nor anyone else at the time could answer. I would sometimes talk too loudly in public or say things that greatly embarrassed both my parents.

probably a mix of quiet and indifferent and testy, cause well I know a lot of times teachers thought I was being a smart a**, and what not.

Extremely shy. And since being able to talk, too. I can remember preschool. I did not interact with the other kids at all. I remember their games. They'd say there was a wolf in the forest. I'd try to tell them no there wasn't. I was too quiet to hear and they didn't want to hear it anyway because they were playing. I had a "friend" - her mum took me to preschool. I wanted to talk to her but I was too shy. I didn't say one word to this girl and I didn't know how to play which made me feel even more isolated and shy. I got more and more shy the longer I was in preschool because none of the kids wanted anything to do with me. I remember the group activities because I was alone. They'd try to put me in groups but I hated it because they were all too loud. I just remember how loud they all were and I just always walked off into the corner away from them all because they wouldn't talk to me. I always have talked very, very little and in primary school I just wouldn't ever say anything to the teachers and very little if anything to other people. If I ever put my hand up the teacher would make everyone go silent so I could actually be heard. I always am nervous when speaking. This is shy and I have always been shy so much that people that have known me for over 10 years have never heard me speak. I have no idea why I even am I god damn shy but I have been for as long as I can remember. As such autism symptoms were explained by how shy I was. Not playing with other kids? Shy. No eye contact? Shy. Quiet voice? Shy. Hating group activities and walking away? Shy. Nothing was thought of this until recently. Other than I had all my milestones normally, I had pretty much every other autistic symptom in toddlers that they can't believe my parents missed this, my preschool missed it, my primary school missed it. Autism runs in my family yet nobody was even considering my development because I talked at the regular age.

Sorry this has gone on I will stop the life story now

Extremely shy and withdrawn.

Selectively mute when at school and in public from the ages of 5 to as late as 13.

More relaxed at home around family, but prone to distressing meltdowns due to inability to adequately communicate anything that was upsetting me, from mere over-tiredness to sensory issues and other frustrations caused by difficulties related to ASD.

Outside of meltdowns, intensely creative, sweet natured, gentle, sensitive, a big reader, artistic, musical, animal lover, could spend hours and hours all alone perfectly happy entertaining myself.

It was the 1960s and unless you were completely uncommunicative and sitting in a corner, there "was no" higher functioning autism. They just called you strange, gifted, shy, and frustration-fueled meltdowns were "tantrums" or even "possessed by the devil."

Testy, I guess.

I used to have a lot of meltdowns for apparently no reason. I was often getting into trouble because I was overreacting when other kids were bullying me or just stuffs like finding a bone in my soup.

But I was also loud and obnoxious at times.

Especially when I was first meeting someone (I could come up to random stranger out of blue and start talking his ears off) or when I wanted something ("No" wasn't an answer I could take - I was asking and bothering people till they gave up or explained why they cannot fulfill my needs).

And quiet and indifferent - when I was having fun.

I was the quiet kid in preschool - playing alone in a corner or talking with caregiver about "adult" issues. I was never playing loudly.
And when I was watching a cartoon I was absolutely clueless about what is going on around me. They could call me, move me, change my clothes, feed me etc. and I was just staring at the screen, letting them do anything. The only thing I was reacting to were stuffs preventing me from seeing the screen - such as a hand waving in front of my face - but all I was doing then was moving my head so I could see the screen and getting angry if the thing didn't disappear from my field of view soon enough.

Quiet and painfully shy, squirmed if my parents were in anyway demonstrative although they weren't a lot of the time. The only time I remember my mother giving me a hug was deliberately to prove that I didn't like it. Didn't quite understand the rules of games and so on but had a small group of friends at school none of who I talk to now because our only common ground was being shy, and clever and outsiders. Teachers described me as shy but bright.

Probably loud and obnoxious when I was younger, but as I learned that most of the things I wanted to do or talk about were not wanted, I became quiet and secretive.

I'm thinking I was "all-of-the-above".....

My second and third mothers (long story) had an answer for everything----though, they differed.....

Loud and obnoxious - 2nd mother: "Mental."; 3rd mother: "Lives-around alot of old people."

Testy - 2nd mother: "Mental."; 3rd mother: "Don't be so impatient----we'll get it."

Normal/affable - 2nd mother: "Don't be tellin' people all your business."; 3rd mother: "You're going to have to quit talking, so much, at school----wait 'til you get home, and you and I, can talk."

Shy or like you lacked confidence - 2nd mother: "What is WRONG, with you----why do you always have to act like a big damn dummy?"; 3rd mother: "When someone compliments your dress, don't say 'Oh, it's not that great, really'----just say: 'Thankyou', confidently."

Quiet and indifferent - THIS one is my ALL-TIME favorite, of my second mother's..... We'd be watching television of an evening----say, the news----and, she'd be doing her crossword puzzle, and wouldn't catch something..... She'd say: "What'd they say?", to which I said: "I dunno....." (I was always off, in my own little world), to which she'd say: "How in the HELL can you be sittin' there----lookin' right AT the TV----and NOT hear what they said?"----to which I'D say: "I dunno....." LOLOLOL I used to think she was gonna burst a vein in her face, she'd get so angry!! I couldn't care LESS, what was going-on, around me!!

As for mother #3, and my being indifferent..... I don't remember anything, specifically, that she would say----but, I remember her trying to coax an opinion outta me, regarding "whatever"----but, I didn't understand what she wanted me to say.....

Childhood: quiet and indifferent.

Early teens: quiet, indifferent, and testy.

Late teens: shy.

20's - 50: withdrawn unless with people I'm close to.

I chose quiet and indifferent for the quiz answer.

I was either quiet and bored, or quiet and shy in public, and obnoxious at home. My kindergarten teacher actually filmed the school year for parents, and you can barely see me in it because I was always hiding in some corner playing by myself. I'm twenty-four now and still the same. Around people I don't know, I'm quiet and disinterested until they try to include me in the conversation, at which time I become quiet and awkwardly shy, because I have absolutely no idea how to participate. Around the few people I like and with whom I am comfortable, I am horribly obnoxious, especially when I get in this "mood" where I can't stop talking and moving. Is that a thing?

I voted "shy, lacking confidence" because that is how I'm most often perceived, especially as a child, but to be honest, I think I'm great, so I don't actually lack the confidence...

Oh also disclaimer: I'm still not diagnosed, just suspicious. (I feel the need to keep adding that disclaimer to avoid feeling like a fraud...)

Quiet and extremely shy. I remember my 3rd grade teacher asking to see me after lunch, but she didn't say why. I ran home, ate, and then ran back to school and when I got in front of my teacher I was so terrified I started to cry and couldn't stop! My classmates then got into class and the teacher asked that I go sit at my desk, fortunately. Forty years later, I still don't have a clue what it is that she wanted to see me about.

People called me shy, which annoyed me a lot because I never thought of myself as shy. I was quiet, but not shy. I never understood why people equated the two.

Sometimes I really didn't have anything to say. People would expect me to say something, but I would just stare at them because I didn't understand what they wanted. I still do that sometimes.

But I knew if I talked much I was likely to get in trouble for it. I would think I was just saying something normal, but adults would get angry at me for whatever I said. So even if I had something to say, I felt like I was better off just keeping quiet.

I was gifted and early on probably a little obnoxious because I always knew the answers in class. It got to where the teacher would only call on me last after all the other students had a chance to answer a question. Then in second grade my teacher told me I should just stop putting my hand up. It made me feel like I wasn't supposed to participate in class anymore. Then people would talk about how quiet and shy I was. I still don't know what they wanted. It just didn't make any sense.

One time in fourth grade we were having a trivia contest. Like always I thought I was supposed to keep quiet and let the other kids answer the questions first. Then the teacher asked, what are the first 3 words in the Bible, and no one else knew the answer. They all guessed and got it wrong. Finally they realized I hadn't been called on, and asked me if I knew the answer. I answered very reluctantly, because I thought I wasn't supposed to give answers in class. I didn't understand why it might be different during a contest. Then the other kids on my team got mad because I had known the answer all along and hadn't said anything.

It always felt like a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing.