Accepting what you missed in life

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How to others come to accept that you missed out on many of the normal things in life due to Asperger's? I sometimes handle it ok, and other times get really depressed about it. Life turned out very well for me but it would have been nice to have had a normal adolescence and college experience.

I didn't have a normal adolescence, nor a normal college experience.

I would bet that many people could say the same thing.

I didn't start going to college until I was 36; too old to participate in the hijinks.

I know you intellectually understand that ruing the past is useless.

It's just that you have to know that in your heart.

It's good that you're in a "better place" than previously--when you relief upon the results of "research."

Accept that *nobody* has a "normal" life. That's pure fiction. It may not be visible but I really don't believe that there's anybody on this planet without some kind of Problem, something that robbed them of what they could have been. That's life. Keep going.

This used to really bother. It stopped bothering me, after I got diagnosed.

What Claradoon said. Every person misses out on things in life. It's not just the things we are robbed of, but also all the paths we simply choose not to take each time there is a fork in the road. That's just how life works. We miss much more than we have time to experience in one lifetime, and much more than we could even be fully aware of.

In a way, life would be kind of boring if nothing was missed...it would mean there was no further potential to be developed or explored. And people would take all those experiences for granted. Knowing that something was missed, and feeling the loss of it, can be more meaningful than having experienced it.

Acknowledge that the past is in the past & doesn't even exist aside from memories... and that the future never exists - that's just anxiety.. and that all we ever really have is the present moment, in the here and now, to live to the fullest and enjoy. That helps.

Also, at 32 years old and having figured out how to treat & minimize my AS symptoms, I have a LOT of life ahead of me to enjoy "normal" things. I enjoy the now & look forward to the future and don't worry about the past that's already long since done and gone.

I think the real problem here is, is that we feel like we are the minority. Yes! almost no NT out there can say that they have a so-called "Normal life". But looking at the world from an Aspie's eyes, we feel like we are left out of life, because we are surrounded by NT's who are doing their day-to-day "normal" or "common" things. And because we can't do those "so called" normal things (or really have a desire to do.) that NT's do (and take for granted). We feel like we are missing out on life. Plus. We are constantly under peer pressure to comply to these norms.

I missed out on a great many things in my life as well, but to be fair, much of it was because of circumstances beyond my control. For the things I missed out on because of my own decisions, I'm still kicking myself over them to this day.

How can I really know what I "missed" if I never experienced it? Others can say it's great etc but that is their experience.

PJ, I had the life that was normal for me, not normal for what Olympidias would call the members of the hive mind. Also the lives that look stunningly normal rarely are; all lives have their quirks, sorrows, joys, losses and disappointments, the roads not travelled. I know a famous and extraordinarily successful person very well and his private life is very different from the public image, and to an extent all lives are like that.

Yes, I am HFA. It gave me gifts and disabilities. He is NT - he also has gifts and disabilities. That's what being human is. I like being old, the perspective has widened after decades of experience to draw upon, yet in this youth culture, being old is supposed to be an unmitigated disaster! I've never been happier.

I never went to prom, never graduated from high school, never got married, never had my father walk me down the isle, never had a date on new years eve, never was invited to parties, never received a birthday or Christmas gift from a man. never was a brides maid or went to weddings because I never knew anyone who got married except my brothers.
My parents thought there was something wrong with me and tried to force me to be normal.
I didn't know how to have a real relationship. I had a child and lived on welfare. I wasn't street wise, was very naïve, didn't know how to make friends with anyone, didn't know what social networking was, people were strange to me and I was like a child on my own.
I wanted a normal life but it was so far out of my reach.
Eventually I took some classes and got a night time computer job and my life got better but I was still by myself except for my child.
I accept what I missed in life because I know it's me, it is I who am not connecting to the world and trying to be someone I'm not would be impossible. it's too difficult. I accept that I am a social ret*d and accept my life the way it is. I love my life anyway.
Everybody misses out on something and we probably overvalue what we never had.

yes, and possibly undervalue what we do have..

I feel depressed when I think of my childhood, but I shouldn't, because I had a wonderful family and lots of cousins who I played and went to places with. So I can't complain, because I was loved and cared for and was brought up by lovely parents, and I had lots of toys and games and clothes and videos.

But I think my teenage years depress me, because that was when my cousins were getting older and grew apart from me, and I missed out on normal teenage things like sleepovers and hanging out with friends. My classmates didn't seem to take me, and the friends I did have kept finding things about me to b***h about.

Sometimes when I feel bad about what I miss out on. On what I can't do and will likely never be able to do....I think about a 17 year old kid I know named Tim who is a C5 quadriplegic....and then I don't feel so bad. But still.

I've often been very impressed by your insightful posts, Ezea, and I think you can have a very bright future because you have a lot to offer and seem to have a very high level of maturity for your age group.

I've often been very impressed by your insightful posts Ezra, and I think you can have a very bright future because you have a lot to offer and seem to have a very high level of maturity for your age group. You are way ahead of the pack there...