new user from the UK

Post Reply New Topic

Hi

My name is Hannah. I am 27 years of age, and I am officially diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, although without meaning to cause offence to anyone, I hate the label, as I don't think all my symptoms fit.

I feel terrified in other people's company. And I don't just mean strangers, but people I have known for years. I am not 100% comfortable talking to my own family. I really hate eye contact and will do anything to avoid it wherever possible.

Whenever I am in the company of other people, I feel stressed out and feel as if I am going to explode. I have to spend as much time as possible on my own in order to live a happy life because when I'm on my own I can relax.

I don't mind my own company at all, but I am worried about the future when I will have to live on my own and pay all the bills whilst living on benefits.

So basically I have come on here with a view to finding out about working from home possibilities, as well as discussing therapies people have tried.

It's great to know that I am not alone in suffering!

Anyway, I am looking forward to talking to you all.

Hannah

welcome fellow aspie!

Hiya. Welcome to WP. Hope you like it here.

Not all of the symptoms have to fit with Asperger's. Difficulty in socialising and talking with people is a major part of having Asperger's though, no doubt about that.

What part of Britain do you come from, if I may ask?

I come from the East Anglia region (south east England).

Welcome to WP ! ! I hope you find it a comfortable place to share your feelings ! !

Welcome,I hope you'll find it really useful here.

I have such problems trying to relate to people and understand them and them me.
The fact that even family we know very well can't make sense of us is I believe what really sets us apart from neurotypicals aka 'ordinary' people.

When in social situations do you feel unsure how to behave or respond to things that are said?I find communication so hard always thinking I'm doing the wrong thing.And you're right being on your own is relaxing but can often be lonely at least that's what I've found.
Personally I'm relieved to have official diagnosis because it explains me so well and enables me to tell others that I'm different not weird.

hannahd,

I too hate the label, and any test where three out of twelve gets you tossed in AS pit I have my doubts about.

They had to come up with something, and as there are 10,000 here with varying symtoms, more defined by what they are not, we each have to live our own lives.

I print books from home, there are many that have a small but constant market. Repair manuals, parts lists, for collectable things. Information age, people will pay for the service, and ebay has been great. Once or twice a week I go to the post office, once a month out to get books bound, everything else comes by UPS. A decent laserjet with a refillable cartridge keeps costs down. It keeps paying for better machines.

Web marketing is wide open and growing. With me it was turning special interests into a business. I get more toys for sharing.

Since everyone here is like you, we are a lot less annoying than most, and even fun at times. It is not like we were real or anything, just part of a computer.

We all have that horrible life thing, so what books do you read, music, hobbies, art?

Welcome, I like it here.

Hi Hannah & welcome to WP.

Another Brit here - I'm orignally from Lancashire but have moved around a bit. I'm currently in the SE, but I've ended up in the SW & E at various times. I lived in Norfolk for nearly 8 years (in two stints).

I can relate well to what you said about company & eye contact. I have struggle with that all the time.

I hope you enjoy WP.

Hi Enigma et al

Well, I know all the things I should say, but I just hate expressing myself in front of people. I struggle with eye contact and smiling, and saying soppy things. I just feel really embarrassed all the time. Whenever I've held a conversation with a neighbour or somebody, I spend hours then scrutinising everything I've said, and I am convinced I said something embarrassing, so then I hide myself away so I don't have to talk to them!

Yes, I do agree that having an official diagnosis is good because A/S is relatively common these days, but it does worry me that people make assumptions about you if they aren't very clued up. Some A/S people can go to work for example, whereas for me I would find that very hard, but the benefits people might not see it that way. They will just see I have this label and presume I am high functioning, but I am not when it comes to talking face-to-face.

Last edited by hannahd on 29 Mar 2007, 9:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hi

I registered on here mainly to discuss work options from home. I know that I will never be able to go out to work and sit in an office, because I would have to socialise with the other people, and even if I didn't talk to them, I'd still have to make eye contact with them when sitting opposite, or just walking past them, and it just makes me too stressed. I walked out of three work experience places because of it.

In an ideal world I would work from home over the internet and corresponde via email or instant message but not use the telephone because I am petrified of talking on the phone as well.

Do you think there is any scope for that? I have various computer skills such as computer programming in a few languages, web design skills, databases, data entry, etc, and I also know four foreign languages quite well.

Unfortunately my practical skills are somewhat limited as I am dyspraxic as well as having OCD and A/S. Basically I am useless!

Despite all my problems I am a very happy person, believe it or not! I am a Nottingham Forest FC season ticket holder, I love music, TV, books and foreign languages, and love life. But it would be a lot easier if I didn't have this people problem!
Then again, A/S does have its benefits because I think it gives you a deeper insight into things that other people don't have.

Oh that is so me. I even do it on line. You wouldn't believe how many times I edit each message before I post it . And then I still worry about what I've said or if even if I used the right Emoticon in the right place.

The internet doesn't really bother me! It's just face to face that I have a problem with.
The net has to be the best thing ever invented though for people like us!

Oh definitely - out of all the ways of communicating the internet is the only one that I am anywhere near comfortable with. I still obsess about how I appear to people from my posts.

The phone is my biggest problem though - i just hate the thing. It's odd, because I always thought it should be easier as you don't have to have any direct contact with people, but I've always had major difficulties with it.

(Ignore this post unless you want to read a whole lotta nothing, I just felt the need to go on a mad speed typing spree to get a few words out there.)

I'm from East Anglia too and I'm 18. I am not comfortable in anybody's company, including my own. I can't even be myself around myself, because I've spent so many years censoring the real me just so I avoid drawing attention to myself that I've forgotten who and what I really am, and I've been doing nothing but sitting here in my room for the past couple of years trying to work out who I am and what I want out of life and now I'm more confused than ever. I feel like I'm a whole bunch of people, all of which are manifestations of the various parts of my psyche and the real me must be buried far beneath.

A couple of years ago I tried to find out about working from home after a failed 3 month trial working in a very small office and also warehouse duties. At the end of it, when they got rid of me, they told me that my warehouse work was substandard, despite the fact that they had never mentioned this before. (I actually tried quite hard in that area) and they said my office work was great, despite the fact that what I did was, as far as I know, never even checked. Half the time I just sat there day dreaming or looking on the internet, because I couldn't handle the monotony of filling in spreadsheets. So I expect they just let me go because I wasn't part of the team, I think they just made an excuse and hid the real reason from me just to stop me from feeling hurt. But I'd much prefer to be told the truth, I can't change if I'm not made aware of my faults. Anyway, I'm just running on. I promptly gave up my search to find work, including working from home, because I realised that it just wasn't for me. There's something about the very nature of working to gain money and material goods doesn't appeal to me. Something about the whole, 'if I do this then I will get this' thing that I can't relate to, outside of the systems society has placed down, nothing else in life seems to be that simple. Work just seems like another system of control to me, I hate it and those 40 hours of work per week in that 3 month trial really got to me. It was my first and last job, I'm sure.
Of course, maybe it's just my underlying laziness trying to stop me from doing anything. But the very mention of work makes me angry and irritable.
Of course the trouble with not working is that I still need money from somewhere. I get a little from benefits and the rest from my parents, but neither source can be relied on long term. I'm sure I won't be able to live on my own, but when my parents die, I'll have no one. I'll cease to function, because I can hardly handle life as it is now and I've got it easy really. I know that being left on my own will destroy me, so I'm worried, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I can't even leave my house to go for a walk, because I feel like I'm being watched all the time. Even going out in my back garden, I'm constantly lookin gover my shoulder. My neighbor sometimes stares at me through the hedge, it freaks me out. I went outside to sit down after not having left the house for months and my parents and I were sitting havin a private conversation and the guy just suddenly pops his head over the hedge, standing on his ladder and starts talking as though he's got the right to interrupt. It's unsettling, he never speaks to any of us much normally, but I take one step outside, for the first time in months and he's there. As though he's been waiting for the moment!
I've yet to find any help for my problems, I've been to see a psychiatric nurse, who, in her infinite self respect seemed to think that little ol' me ain't worth spending time on because I'm obviously don't want to change and I'm just making excuses. Utterly useless. I had been to see someone else, who's title I'm unsure of. They tried various things to motivate me, to give me goals, to try and change my attitude, but many of these techniques were likely designed with NTs in mind and they failed to work on me. I've yet to find anything to help me, but we are all different so what works for one aspie may not work for another.
Most people recommend me to join groups, but they can't seem to get their head around the fact that I can't function properly around other people, my mind locks me out, blanks me out, I can't access anything. And it does not get much better with time as I get to know people. In fact it can get slightly worse once I feel that they have even stronger expectations of me. Not stronger as in better, but stronger as in more heavily set in stone or whatever. Curse this feeble language, I can never express myself with it, it's so damn akward.
Oh, I could run on for hours about things, normally I struggle to string a couple of words together, but sometimes, like now, the words fly out at such an alarming rate that I find it hard to keep track of what the hell I'm talking about. My sentences run on and on and on.
But I feel better now. I just hope no one read through all that. Which is why I posted it. So no one should read it.

Hi, Hannah!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope you enjoy posting here!

Welcome - I am also in the UK.