New and recently diagnosed user

Post Reply New Topic

Hello, I'm not sure whether i'm supposed to start a whole new thread, so apologies if that's a mistake. I was very recently diagnosed with Aspergers. I joined this website because I felt I really needed to speak to other people with this diagnosis to help me process it. I look forward to getting to know some of you.
I was way above the cut off /threshold for a diagnosis and yet still have doubts somehow. I often feel uncertain about most things and have been told by friends and family that I am prone to "overthinking" however my doubts are explained by two main issues:
a) I don't have a strict routine that i adhere to.
(However I do have repetitive behaviours that i commit to daily. This sounds like a routine but isn't, just more like behaviours i obsessively commit to everyday in order to prevent panic attacks (like OCD maybe but i haven't been diagnosed with this as of yet) and stimming/soothing behaviour e.g. talking to myself, which I do very frequently but experience quite a lot of shame and guilt about.)
b) I don't appear to have *one special interest* that i think defines me as such
(i have a set of interests that I'm passionate about for sure, and often feel that i cannot connect or have conversations with people who don't share those interests because I don't engage in "banter" much. Actually feel that I only recently learnt how to "banter". I understand sarcasm but am never really sarcastic, not necessarily because I don't want to but because I somehow just can't perform it in a way that feels natural I don't think...I can express sarcasm in text i think?)

I was also born with XX chromosomes (I present myself as a woman also), so the more commonly known male profile of AS may not apply to me entirely.

It seems to me you might have a misguided impression of what Asperger syndrome looks like. No two aspies will have the exact same symptoms to the same degree. For example, I am extremely high in the taking-things-literally department, but I don't stim very often (although I do shake my leg a lot and sometimes I rock when I am quite uncomfortable).

Your obsessive behaviours that you commit to daily sound like a routine to me, even though you may not think of them as such. As for special interests, I don't think that they have to be confined to just one. I myself have two that I would consider perseverations. Regarding sarcasm, I'm kind of the opposite of you. I use it all the time, but am really bad at picking it up in others. (-:

Hey selin welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi selin
I'm not a routinised person either. And I don't usually have "one" special interest - I tend to have several interests all at the same time. As cole_long said, ASD varies from person to person, so you might not have all the symptoms that you see in the symptom lists. I'd recommend reading Tony Attwood's complete guide to asperger's ... it goes over everything in great detail.

When I first realised I'm autistic, I was a bit in denial about certain aspects of my personality, that may or may not be true for you.

I hope processing everything hasn't been too upsetting for you. It turned my world upside down

xx

Thank you everyone for your replies

Thanks for the book recommendation. I'm actually reading Aspergirls by Rudy Simone atm which I'm really enjoying but I don't feel that I *completely* relate to all of it. Some chapters really spoke to me though. For example I'm not sure if I've ever had a meltdown, maybe only once, but I was 6 and i'm having a hard time remembering whether it really was a meltdown although it was definitely quite strange and almost like I was dissociating a little. I'm also not sure whether I've ever had selective mutism. I've had moments where I wouldn't speak because I was so anxious that I thought someone's touch or even moving slightly would trigger a panic attack. Sort of like when you feel very sick or ill and u don't want to utter a word or move your body.

I've read that not all aspies have selective mutism. I just have this obsessive mind that overthinks and doubts things a lot, I don't feel I have a strong intuition about how I feel or who/how I am.

But I must say, everyone's replies have *really* helped a lot and I really appreciate it. I feel I am really going to benefit from this website.

Just because autistic people are considered to be socially awkward it does not mean they are socially awkward in all the same ways. I know several autistic people and they are all very different from each other.

Yes, that's the same kind of mind that I have. The challenge is always to let it go and move forward.


Indeed. For example, I'm one of those extraverted aspies, which probably puts me near the top of the social awkwardness ladder because I put it all out there for everyone to see. Although I'm pretty comfortable around neurotypicals, my wife informs me that I can be overwhelming for most of them. And if that's the case for neurotypicals, I dread what other autistics would think of me in person. )-: