Is it usual/possible for a person to become a temp fixation?

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I saw a blog in which a woman with Aspergers spoke about how she become fixated with a high school boyfriend and still felt like that when they broke up and she got together with another person.

She said fixation in the same way as interests/hobbies are described, unless I'm getting that wrong.

Either way, would a fixation on a person who is either around you or has been around you be linked to Aspergers at all or would that fall into a co-morbid issue instead? I'm trying to learn as much as I can as I'm being sent to the specialist diagnostic team. Trying to work out what actually fits and what doesn't.

I also seem to be fixated at the moment due to a break up and I won't shut up about it. It's driving everybody mad and has wrecked my creative writing hobby activities (angry about that). I would have thought that was just down to C-PTSD. However, after catching a glance at that blog post, I wanted to ask if this is something which can occur or not.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense.

Last edited by NyxBean on 11 Jul 2015, 5:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, definitely.

Source: current experience.

i can confirm this. i have been obsessed with a person and learning all about them as if they were a subject matter. mostly when i was younger. often this would include being dependent on them, but not always. it is not quite as severe now that i'm older. in fact i haven't had a person obsession in the last 2 or 3 years.

I don't know if it's exclusive to asperger's, I think anyone in general can handle a break-off from a long term relationship hard, and I don't think it requires any sort of diagnosis. It's just a part of life. But, it's still unhealthy either way.

Yep. It has happened to me at various times in my life.

It is certainly possible because with me I had the exact same problem. Unfortunatly. I tend to be very independent usually but if I do get attached to someone it can be difficult to break. :-/

I was obsessed with my 1st two girlfriends which helped caused the relationships to fall apart & I was also obsessed with a celebrity crush but I haven't had the obsession so much in my current relationship cuz I started treating my OCD with a med before we got together.

I think the thing that separates these obsessions from obsessions over dating relationships is that sometimes you don't even have to know the person. Its like stalking but with no ulterior motive. You just want to learn about them. Its kind of hard to explain

I a currently fixated with my crush who vanished on me. Im ashamed to say that I have become an internet stalker.

Hmm maybe I need to be medicated,too. I seem to get really excited about a guy. Then he leaves. I don't think that's a coincidence.

I'd say my current fixation I stalk but theres no ulterior motive. I have no desire to contact him or anyone connected to him.

Sorry to hear about all the similar experiences.

I spoke to my ex on the phone (which is a big deal for me because I hate phones) and I think he sounded pleased to hear from me. I should be hearing from him in about a day or two for further clarification so while I'm still ruminating and trying to work him out, I'm calm.

The break up actually occurred because I felt I needed to know more than he could say (traumatic childhood). My cognitive empathy only kicked in halfway through the day after and I finally understood why he couldn't open the floodgates like I do about trauma. There's a bad habit of thinking people function like me so if they aren't doing whatever it is properly, they have an ulterior motive or something stupid like that. Comes from having a twisted parent.

About celebrity obsessions: I've had crushes but only one obsession. The obsession was frightening and didn't actually happen until I was in my early 20s, which I found odd. It was because they sorta looked a bit like what my memory of my current ex suggested and the character they played was that irritating broken person you want to save? Anybody watched the first season of American Horror Story? Yeah, Tate played by Evan Peters.

I managed to stop it though, before it went too far, but I did wind up getting back with the abusive ex because of it... Silver lining: saved the cat he chucked across the room from him because he verbally gave me ownership. When I finally snapped and told him to go, I kept Rocket the cat. He'd never pay her attention unless I brought her to him but suddenly he was missing her, etc. Anti-social PD traits, I think, but low intelligence so can't even "benefit" from them.

Back to Evan Peters: I knew he was dating Julia Roberts's niece, the one who played Violet and I had this horrible fake jealousy of her. I knew it wasn't real because it wasn't logical and, being more into women and given the chance, I'd probably actually go on a date with her instead.

However, I tried to watch the second season of the show and couldn't handle seeing him! It was a sort of fear-reaction to the obsession because until then I'd felt all my fixations had been... fair enough, I suppose. I had to make sure to keep away from anywhere which might show his picture or name, etc.

Recently I heard they split up and funnily enough, I didn't care. I was over the fascination. If it were still there I might have started reading more into him, working out where in LA he was even though I have no chance of getting there, finding him on any social media site. I think that's what would have happened if it wasn't for his ex and I'm glad it didn't.

I never want that to happen again; it's far more painful when you've been involved with a person but there's something about the unattainable nature of a celeb that feels psychotic almost. I don't think I could watch him in anything yet, although I've seen pictures and wondered what I was thinking because he's not ugly but he's no Adonis.

It is indeed an AS thing. It can occur with anyone who becomes emotionally important and needs to be crushed, quickly.

As soon as you find yourself obsessing about someone, push them as far away as you possibly can without out-and-out saying, "Go away and never come back."

If you run into them in the course of your day, change your route. If they call, keep it extremely brief. If they want to make plans, be either sick or busy.

Doesn't hurt to punish yourself (with "normal" things like painfully long runs or cleaning marathons) every time you catch yourself obsessively thinking about them, either.

After a few repetitions of this, you'll find you're conditioned against hyperfocusing on people.

I managed to push away the celeb but not this ex. Passed the obsession - if anybody can believe that - he will be highly useful as a friend if he can handle it. If I can talk in a slightly disconnected way for a moment, he's the key to my hobbies. My flatmate is too unreliable; I know if my ex says he's going to run an RPG, that's what he'll do, and if he's going to a draft game of Magic the Gathering and he's invited me, he won't squirrel out. That's not going to happen any time soon. I doubt it will get close to that before the next local gaming convention and that's in a year.

Now that I have an understanding of what has been going on, I can relax. Even if he doesn't get back to me in the next couple of days, I know now that it's confusion and I can forgive that. Today's actually been great, just getting on with chatting and following twitters and tumblrs so that I have distractions.

However, if I was sure that he was toxic, if he had hung up on me, then I'd have to do something to condition myself. If I tried to run longer than a minute I'd probably faint. Housebound agoraphobic who never gets out of bed. When the zombies come I better stay in my flat or I'm their starter.

I remember being quite obsessed with another boy when I was in 7th grade (in middle school). I am not quite certain what it was about him. But, I deeply admired this kid and wanted to become like him.

I tried to get him to befriend me by becoming interested in his interests. I figured it was skateboarding, as he rode a skateboard to and from school. I, myself, could not skateboard (as I was not sufficiently coordinated). Nevertheless, I would go down to the skateboard shop by myself regularly. I even purchased skateboarding magazines, hoping to share them with this boy.

This obsession cooled off immediately one day, when he punched me in the stomach. I cannot remember exactly why he punched me. But, I finally got the message that he didn’t want to be my friend. So, I guess I can read some non verbal language. LOL.

I did have to laugh at your humour in this.

Thinking of school, there were definitely two girls I became mildly obsessed with, one in primary and one in high school.

I think it was because they were both mute (okay, one simply couldn't speak English and seemed mostly too scared to learn) and they were of a different ethnicity to me, a white girl growing up in a vastly predominantly white area. I'm not sure that being fascinated is in and of itself racist, it is how you then react and treat the people that matters. Also, I probably would have been as interested in a white mute too.

Anyway, the one in primary, if you finished your work quick you got to sit with her and try to work on English exercises and attempt to encourage her. I'm seeing her through my "child eyes" and I was just old enough to find people attractive (this was nearer the end of primary). She was rather pretty, slender but tall, and she always had a "deer in the headlights" look. I think that I comprehended on some level that she must have been nervous, yet I never connected her expression to that, and it simply made her more pretty and more mysterious. Conversations never got anywhere, of course, and I can only remember a few times she was able to join in the exercises. Her family had moved from Yemen and I have a feeling it may have been sudden - wouldn't you want to make sure all the kids had the new language down to a basic level to make it easier on them? - but her younger siblings seemed to be thriving in their new environment.

I was only around her for a year or so and she never went to the same high school as me. On one hand you might suggest I remember because she was "not the same" as the rest of the students. On the other, maybe I did have this wish to work her out and be friends.


The girl in high school was also cute. I wouldn't say as obviously beautiful as the previous girl, however that was because she... didn't make an effort? I don't think anybody should have to of course. It's simply that she did not wear clothes or her hair in a way that flattered her. Also, I knew her in the younger years of high school and not the later ones. It could have entirely come down to her needing to "grow into her facial features" a little more.

Now, grown up, looking at the possibility of AS, and in turn knowing a little bit about other aspects of the spectrum, I wonder if that had anything to do with it. Personally I didn't get the sense she was unhappy, maybe a little stressed about having to be around people OR frustrated with herself for not being able to talk. She could manage to answer questions in a very quiet voice to the teacher and you would see her talking slightly to her older sister who seemed like a chatter box. Her expression was blank and stayed in the same position. If her feelings ever changed, you would likely not know. But she was incredibly smart. Not sure how she did with creative writing but she got maths straight away. Our strengths lay on the opposite sides, I think.

Anyway, I would say hello all the time. Sometimes, on reflection, I might have stood too close or spoke a little loud or had a fake-sounding chirp to it. Generally she'd nod or look down and I'd leave her alone. A short time before I had to move school because of bullying, I actually had a few breakthroughs. One time I remember distinctly; we were outside the library after the rush of everybody going to the next class. For some reason it was only us and I was always losing my time table. I figured she'd pull out the hers and point, but she actually looked up at me briefly, smiled, and said "Biology". Then we walked there silently.

That was a great feeling and I'm angry the bullies made me move.


Nowadays I wouldn't be so... full-on with a selective mute because I actually am to a very slight degree. It probably occurred when I was younger too, but I hated almost everybody around me so much that I wouldn't have cared to talk even if upset. In the past several years my mechanisms have been slipping - I can now go full nonverbal and have to make up sign language which is so simple to me but nobody else gets. I find myself frustrated at how they can't combine what I am most likely to want with my motions, but that's likely my own fault. Wondering whether to pick up a little "baby sign language" or agree on certain movements. A lot of the time, when it happens, it's a mixed feeling. It feels safe but at the same time I know they don't get it and I get distressed. I have no idea what it was like for my almost-friend in high school.

I wish I knew what she was doing these days. I remember her name. Not going to look her up though; if I hadn't thought she was cute then maybe but since I know I had been attracted to her, it would seem sneaky and creepy. It does come to mind a fair bit if I even begin to try to think of childhood.

It is definitely funny, looking back on the situation. But, I was seriously obsessed with this boy. I wanted him so much to like me. I was sad when I realized that it wasn't going to happen. I was also mad at myself for wasting so much time at the skateboard shop.


Your story reminded me about a girl I was obsessed with in elementary school. I think the obsession began when I was 5 or 6 years old and lasted for several years. I never spoke to the girl. Yet, she was so special that she became a key "part" of my make believe world.