Is it not too mean to let go ?

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I am so heartbroken and upset that I cant think straight, so please help:
My son, 17, with ASD struggles a lot with communication. He is working part time at a pizza place where there are many young boys. They all joke around, tease each other and use foul language etc. Its hard for my son as he does not follow the jokes and cannot bicker like they do so he feels out of place but he tries his best to be cordial and friendly. Yesterday he came back from work and broke down and cried and sobbed for a while and then recovered. Today he told me that one of the boys wrote on a sticker "ret*d LOOSER on a sticker and stuck it on his back. They all laughed and later my son found out.

My husband says he will always come across mean people in life and he has to learn to be resilient. I feel like talking to the manager which can only backfire as they all laughed together and will gang up on him. We will not be there to defend him and it may be harder for him to work there after the confrontation. He loves his job. Idk what to do, just outraged by this.... thanks for listening and offering advice if you have any ! ! Thanks a lot ! !

Having worked at a carry out pizza place, yeah I remembered. 16-21 year old guys can be the most brain dead, stupid people on the planet.

I take it this BS happened when the owner/adult manager wasn't around. That is how my work place had a oven actually catch on fire.

Do not talk to the manager. He will get let go, or his hours cut. This job is not a good fit for him. Is there any other sub/sandwich/carry out places around? How about a banquet hall during wedding season? Now that he has work experience, I would be actively looking for another job.

Summer time is bad because people take vacations/adults quit, and you can have literally 16 to 18 year olds working a slow, afternoon shift. It is worse if it is all male.

If he has any options at all to leave and find something else, do it.

Yes, I know he can disclose and talk about ADA, and discrimination and hostile work environment. It is so not worth it with a BS job like this. Take his skills and find a place that appreciates them.

Good luck!

That totally sucks. It reminds me of the hell-hazing I took from teenage coworkers when I was a 14 year old busboy.

Some very brief initial thoughts based on my experience at that age:

- best you not intervene,
- best he not quit,
- but start looking for another job.

My heart goes out to you guys.

Thanks so much to both of you ! ! You have personal experience, and your advice make a lot of sense to me. I appreciate your time and help and will act accordingly -wish you all the best ! !

Unless he needs this job for some reason, I don't think you should push him one way or the other, unless you see he can't handle it, in which case you tell him what you see. Independence requires making independent decisions....with your emotional support. Obviously if you see it's too much for him, you have to act.

I think the very kindest and most helpful thing you can do is to listen to how he feels and be supportive and let him get it out with as little agitation as possible because the reality is this has probably happened to him before, and will probably happen in some form again, and feeling that you see it as a big deal he is upset but not something that he has to take too seriously because it's just nasty is important.

A question though.....is it obvious he has ASD? I think this is awful, but apparently kids make fun of each other this way. And I just wondered, that if he fits in pretty well and they don't know, they may have just been doing what they do.

A pizza place has some dangerous stuff, though. If it had to have been obvious that he has ASD and he were my child, I'm not sure I'd want him there. I'm not in anyway saying it's ok teens talk that way to each other, if they didn't know he had ASD, just saying as a mom who worries about my kids, that would make a big difference to me.

I'd agree with your husband's assessment that you should not step in - but ask him if he kept the sticker, and then talk him through what HE can do about it. He is experiencing workplace harassment, which is illegal - and his manager is technically responsible. "ret*d" is not only a slur, it can be considered hate speech and is discrimination against a person with a disability (although I would guess that the idiots he works with don't know that.)

While it is possible that these kids are engaging in friendly banter...I think it's less likely considering they actually put that specific word on a sticker and put it on his back.

Tell your son to start documenting instances of bullying; taking pictures of things like the sticker with his phone and texting or emailing them to you (so they have a time and date stamp) Talk him through going to his manager privately, or one step above if the manager is participating. Take a look at the following overview of what to do - in an extreme example, you can contact the EEOC for help:

http://www.ncwd-youth.info/information-brief-29

I agree with the suggestion that he not quit, but start looking for a similar job where the personalities may be a better fit for him. You can coax him on how to answer the inevitable interview question, "why do you want to leave your current job?" Possible answers: "I love my current job because of A, B and C and hope to find another one like it, but there have been some personality conflicts that are making me uncomfortable." If he is asked for details, he should demur, with something like "I don't want to say anything negative about anyone or the company; I respect them all."

The good thing about personality conflicts is that in my experience employers consider them isolated to specific groups of employees, and not something that is usually any one person's fault.

It is possible that it was something they might have done to anyone, but there is no way for us to know without being there, unfortunately. It certainly can't hurt for him to create documentation on the abuse, but I'm not sure I would recommend doing anything with it; it usually is better for the one individual to simply find another place to work. That may not change anything for future employees, but it tends to be the best for the affected person, assuming these sorts of conflicts don't turn into a pattern.