Waiting for referral but, is it just me?

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Someone once asked me if I am on the spectrum and, it stuck in my mind. I have done every online quiz there is and read a lot of articles and, it has all told me I am Aspergers. Although, some components don't seem to fit me. I use sarcasm as humour although, I don't always notice others doing it. I also have no obsessive interests.. unless you count facebook lol. I have been thinking about seeing the doctor but, I am worried that they might question my ability as a parent and that it might have a negative outcome. Was wondering what people thought?



Also, this is on my mind too. This is going to sound really daft but, My younger daughter is very different to my other children. She was different from birth. She didn't sleep through the night till she was 2. Throws tantrums that can last all day. We have a lot of problems with her getting dressed and getting ready. This morning she would not wear her cardigan as a button was missing. She is also very funny about her socks being uncomfortable and refused to wear her school shoes today because, she says they are scuffed and wants new ones... I get really stressed when I am late. I went to speak to her teacher about her behaviour at school to ask if she thought she was different too and if I would need to look into it. She said that my daughter was totally fine and, I was happy to accept that. I explained that at home, she is extremely stubborn and can make life a bit difficult. Her teacher said we could look into some ways to help me cope with her behaviour. We have had previous discussions as my daughter is also behind on language, she was missing certain sounds like c/k but, I knew she could do them. She then said "Don't worry I'm not a perfect parent either?" What does she mean by that? I'm failing her?

Does anyone have any thoughts?

The only perfect parents are those without kids

lol

Firstly, don't stress too much about what other people say. From my own experiences, I find that a lot of the time either I misunderstood what was said, or the person saying it meant it in a completely different way.

I think that if you're really worrying about whether or not you or possibly your daughter, may be on the spectrum, then you should go see a mental health professional. I can understand where you're coming from when you say you worry that someone may question your ability as a parent, but I have no doubt that there are many incredible parents out there who are on the spectrum (I'm not a parent, so I can't speak for anyone).

With something like Aspergers, not everyone has all of the symptoms, so bits and pieces of the condition won't fit for you, while bits that fit for you may not fit for others. I don't have any obsessive interests either, and I've been diagnosed with Aspergers, so it's really different for everybody.

From what you've written, your daughter actually sounds quite a lot like me when I was first starting out at school, so it might be an idea to ask your doctor about her aswell. Just remember that being diagnosed on the spectrum isn't a bad thing; it won't make you a bad parent, or your daughter a bad child. What it can do is help you understand what may be going on and how to better deal with it.

Sorry this is such a long post, but I hope at least some of it helps

Thankyou so much for your reply. I feel quite in uncharted waters. The fact that I have to go see a medical professional is terrifying for me, I am not very good at fighting my corner. I've ended up in some terrible states from going to the Doctor and having an inability to explain things or, not saying ouch when I am prodded lol

If you're concerned about the possibility of your daughter being on the spectrum, I would strongly recommend getting her evaluated as soon as possible; early intervention has the highest success rate as far as long-term functioning levels and independence, but the window is small. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. Take it from someone who wasn't diagnosed until early adulthood, and who subsequently hated virtually her entire school experience, not because of the academics, but because of the impossible social structure. Good luck!

My guess is that you had come over as being worried that you weren't parenting your daughter right, and that she said that to reassure you.

I'm an Aspie who has used and understood sarcasm since my youth. It's not diagnostic, as far as I know.

Strange about your apparent lack of special interests, but according to the DSM-V criteria (299.00):
B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):
1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypies, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).
2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns or verbal nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat food every day).
3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g, strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interest).
4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interests in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g., apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).
I'm not a diagnostician, but to me that seems to be saying that you could have ASD without having highly restricted, fixated interests, so maybe it's not so strange that you don't.

I suppose I do have fixated interests in a way, I read fiction.. over and over again. I like books that are very detailed and can give me a really clear picture. If a series really captures my interest I will read it over and over again.. some of my books are falling apart. I also can't part with books. Getting a kindle helped that one but, I had to put it in a case that opened so, it felt book like. I have had the same thing for breakfast for 14 years, one slice of toast with philadelphia and one with marmite... if one of those is unavailable... it drives me mad. I have to check that every single plug socket is switched off before I leave the house. I can't always seem to remember if I have done them all so, will check a few times.. and check the doors are locked etc. I now shut the kitchen door because, a neighbour had a house fire in her kitchen. I never lose anything because, I once lost my purse and now I check I have it all the time. If I am stressed or especially running late, checking these things can go into overdrive. I like to draw and, I am not terrible at it but, I cannot draw from my imagination.. only copy and sometimes alter slightly. I probably upset my Mum today. We went out for my sons birthday and, she texted me to say she had come to the house and I wasn't in. This made me really angry and I said to her that, I keep telling her to please call and arrange visits... if she had come before we left, we would have waited to be polite and it would have ruined our whole day. I am also, useless at being grateful if people buy me something I don't like. I know what I should be saying/doing but, I can't. I really hate being rude and, I am always really worried when I realise I have been but, can't seem to stop myself.. It's like when people ask you how you are and, you are half way through telling them when you realise they are trying to shuffle away lol

On another note, I did see the doctor, he said that he didn't think there was any support available for adults in our area but, he will look into it and, I need to discuss my daughter with school. On a side note... I discussed it all with my Mum.. things from my childhood like, no sense of danger, tantrums, talking early and not walking till I was 2. Difficulties making friends at school, being bright and still doing very badly because, I was distracted too easily and couldn't focus. Wondering if she had noticed anything else of note. She said that, as far as she was concerned there is nothing wrong with me and, she doesn't understand why I would want to get myself labelled and put in a box. I explained that, I feel like I have been in a box my whole life and, I want some help to get out of it.