I think I am a bad friend

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Although I seem to be excelling in my first true love relationship, I always seem to completely fail with friends, no matter what I do.

I am naturally good with picking up on body language and all of that, but that has nothing to do with it. Every NT friend I have had always drifted away from me, but even non-NT friends are doing the same.

I have an Aspie friend (she was diagnosed with Asperger's in childhood but I met her a few years ago), but she never seems to want to see me, but puts on Facebook that she is lonely and wants a friend to do things with. She's had the exact same issues I've had with NT friends; she's been rejected and even bullied. But I've never done that to her. Last year I asked her a few times if she wanted to come to the beach with me, or go shopping, but she said ''that is boring, what is there to do at the beach?'' and ''all shopping malls are the same, it gets boring!'' - even though I knew she LIKED that sort of stuff. So I just backed off for a while, but I didn't reject her though. I still kept in contact on Facebook and we often had late-night chats via Facebook or texts.

I've also found that we have a lot in common, and we're very like-minded. Now she keeps putting on her Facebook status that she feels she is missing out and that she wants a like-minded friend to spend the day at the beach with or go shopping with, exactly the things I have suggested. Lately I have said again if she wants to spend a day together and she says yes but then never gets back to me, and I don't want to look demanding.

Because she has Asperger's, should I feel upset that she seems to be ignoring me when I suggest a day out, like maybe she's failing to read social cues such as people trying to be her friend but unintentionally missing the clue? Or is she really looking for somebody else who's also like-minded but is not me? The trouble is, whining about how lonely she is on Facebook will not get her a friend. If she wants to get out that bad, then she ought to take the chance, then that might get her confidence up that way and could lead to meeting others, by going out with me. Or am I just a bad friend for anybody to have, although I don't understand why, as I have a nice nature, am witty and can be fun to be with, and I don't blurt out things that upset people.

Why don't you ask her about her double standard? She is lonely but yet you have kept trying to invite her to go out and hang out and she is ignoring you and rejecting you, why. This would drive me crazy too. But expect an honest answer, an answer you might not want to hear. Or how about you ask her what she wants to do and why does she find it all boring that she likes to do such as the beach or the mall?

That's what I'm wondering. Why is she declining offers to do things she likes with a like-minded friend?

I feel too awkward to ask her why. I'm trying to think of the politest possible way to ask her, without seeming like I'm getting on to her or anything.

You could ask her if you did anything to offend her or hurt her feelings and that you value her and your friendship.

Your friend could have social anxiety. She expresses a desire to spend time with other people, yet the prospect of socializing makes her feel nervous. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable hanging out in person, and prefers to communicate in ways which don't require face to face interaction. But I'm not familiar with your guys' history, and I don't think it would be impolite to tell her that you're concerned about her statuses.

You don't have to be a bad friend for someone to want some company other than yours.

Reading the OP, I feel like I'm missing some important information. If this is really a pattern for you, I imagine that there may be some things that you do that others may not like and you may not have noticed (which is why it's not in your post), or it could be something off about your perception of how many friends have drifted apart and why this may have happened. I think it may be helpful for you to talk to some of these friends that you've drifted away from and ask them if there's something about you that pushed them away. Ask them not to sugar coat anything or try to be nice. Tell them that you are trying to learn about yourself so that you can improve your friendships and that you'd really love some brutally honest straight answers - does something that you do annoy them? It's important to emphasize that you're looking for honesty because many people shy away from criticizing others to avoid hurting feelings or having awkward conversations. If you frame it so that you are asking them to do you a favor and you would appreciate it, people are more likely to be straight with you. Even then they may try to sugar coat things by stating criticisms in vague terms and couching them in compliments - so followup questions should include things like "what could I have done differently with us? or what could I do differently in the future?"

Well I know I can be annoying. I think I have too much sense of humour. I have had people asking if I have ADHD. I never know what to say to that because I believe that I have got true ADHD but so many people say it doesn't exist.

By saying I have too much sense of humour, I don't mean I laugh at inappropriate times because I know how to empathise and display the right emotion and actions in the right moment. But I generally see the funny side of things, and I know that can annoy people. I am aware of that. But at the same time I can't really help it. It's just part of me. I do like to have a joke around. It's better than being miserable.

When I was a kid I used to whine and moan a lot, and other kids didn't want to be around me because of it. The world was so overwhelming for me and so it caused distress for me, and so the only way I could express myself was through moaning. I used to get people saying ''stop complaining!'' to me so often that they even began to say it as a habit even when I wasn't complaining, but was just stating something in a matter-of-fact tone. But then again, complaining was just a habit of mine too. So as I got older I got so sick of being told to stop complaining, that I tried to act more happier around people. Now I think that has worked too well, and so instead of finding things to moan about, I find things to laugh about instead. I try to be cheerful and fun to be around. But I guess it just annoys people.

You just can't impress people these days. Even like-minded people. I love a unique person who sees humour in lots of things and is someone who you can just joke around with. A bit like ''The Young Ones'' or ''Bottom''. They are British comedy shows. I find them hilarious, especially Bottom. I could be around Richie all day long, of course I know he is only an actor but if there was a person out there who's real personality was like his character in Bottom, I would get on with him or her.

I am a good listener so I don't laugh or make jokes when someone is sharing their feelings with me or talking about something serious. Sometimes I get a little bit bored if someone keeps on and on about the same thing the whole time I'm with them. I empathise with them at first (I don't criticise because I just never do that, I find being blunt unnatural for me and awkward), but after a while I run out of things to say so I'm just going "oh yes" or "oh dear" or "oh right". Sometimes I think things in my head what I wouldn't say. Like for example, I might think in my head "hmm, this might not actually be a problem, it seems more like you're being too paranoid or overreacting", but what I allow to come out of my mouth is something completely different, like being on their side.

Tell all the stuff you have written to her, you both need to have serious conversation.