late diagnosis

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Hey guys!

I just joined the forums. It's tough dealing with the regrets and "what ifs" even though it's pointless. Have any of you had trouble with this??

How late?

Yeah, I've been struggling with it too.

I know it doesn't help anything, but there's a definite "What IF?" "How would my life be different??" "How could nobody have noticed??"

I'm up for talking about it if you'd like to PM me

Ignore the what iffs. They're a waste of energy. Or think of it this way, what if you were never diagnosed.

As C.S.Lewis said, "Nobody ever finds out what WOULD have happened."

I was diagnosed late, but what wasn't done, wasn't done. And diagnosis is one thing, appropriate adjustments are another thing entirely. I'm not sure they'd have done much to help me if I'd been diagnosed earlier. All I got were a few concessions at work that seem to have saved me from total collapse, but I'd always somehow survived anyway before I knew about ASD, and life in the workplace still sucked so much that I quit as soon as I was financially secure enough to do so. As for relationships, my wife at the time moved out a few days after the diagnosis. She would probably have done that anyway, I think the only difference was that in her head she did it because I couldn't change instead of doing it because I wouldn't change.

I also know one recently-diagnosed Aspie whose life hasn't become any better at all so far. So it's not as if everybody suddenly begs our forgiveness and starts treating us appropriately.

I'm going through the "what if's" some as well--I just got my diagnosis this week, and I'm almost 50. I'm trying to not think that way too much. It's just destructive and will drive me crazy. Sure, I lost out on some things, but now I know, and I need to move forward. On the other hand, I know now that some things that happened weren't just because I wasn't trying hard enough, or because I was stupid. And maybe there are some things that can be fixed, like some old friendships that I messed up or got broken up because of misunderstandings. I'm not dead yet. Maybe I flunked out of grad school but who knows? Maybe it's not too late to try again. Or do something else cool that I hadn't considered 20 years ago.

The period after diagnosis is a period of deep introspection. As a person diagnosed at 55 my advice is not to fight it. It can get obsessive and thus seem destructive but what it really is, is reconstructive. Which is fine. You did not spend all the time, effort, and money to get a diagnosis just to have a minor changes in understanding yourself.

What kind of doctor do you have to go to, to get a full diagnosis? I've taken quite a few online tests which all indicate I'm somewhere along the Autistic / Asperger cycle. Would love to know for sure.

Thanks

I went to a clinical psychologist for the diagnosis. I'm in an HMO in the US, so a psychiatrist had to refer me.

I completely agree with this. When you start to suspect and begin doing the research that leads you to pursue a late diagnosis, it's inevitable that you revisit the moments when people told you things or reacted to you in ways that support the idea that you might be autistic. And there will be a lot of these from every stage of your long life, so this becomes a walk through your life from childhood on.

It's hard to imagine not having myriad "what ifs" as you go through it. You can't change any of it, but you might forgive yourself and others for a few hurts you picked up on the way and you might determine that you'll use your new self knowledge wisely for the years you have left.

I'm starting to realize this too and it is presenting new possibilities. For example, even though I understand the concepts of math, I found the high school classroom environment too stressful to learn in. So I've decided to take my math and science equivalencey and if I complete them I would like to apply to college.
I feel I'm on more solid ground now because I know what I'm dealing with.

In the US when you are diagnosed, does it get treated the same was as if you were say blind or deaf? ie: you are paid via SS, to help make the difference in your income?

Or is it more like, "there's nothing wrong with you, your just left handed." As in you just learn to cope with it in a world of "right handers" ?

I hope this makes sense,

Chris

This is one of the main reasons as to why you need to get an official diagnosis.

I assume this means it depends on where on the spectrum you are?

Yeah, I know a lot of late-diagnosed autistic adults go through that, too. Remember that early diagnosis can be difficult too, though. Being an aspie/autie has a fair share of stigma attached to it.

It varies based on state, city, the government approved psych that evaluates you. I was denied SSDI based on the fact that my salary in the 1980's was above a limit thus "proving" I can work. The fact that because of networking, economy,more emphasis on "people skills" age discrimination combined with my traits I have always had makes me unemployable now has no relevance. 3 disabilities lawyers refused to take my case.

I have been approved for SSI based on non autistic visible illnesses I am going to discuss in a future thread.