02 Apr 2007, 2:16 am
02 Apr 2007, 5:58 am
02 Apr 2007, 6:35 am
My score on The Monty Python Character Test:
**************************************
Centurion
(You scored 60 Stubborn, 38 Crazy, 18 Agressive, and 83 Evil!)
"
Apperance: Life of Brian
The black shaddowed person in helmet.
High Light:
Latin Lesson.
Brian is writing a slogan to a wall, oblivious to the Roman patrol approaching from behind. The slogan is "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS".
Centurion: What's this thing? "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS"? "People called Romanes they go the house"?
Brian: It, it says "Romans go home".
Centurion: No it doesn't. What's Latin for "Roman"?
Brian: (hesitates)
Centurion: Come on, come on!
Brian: (uncertain) "ROMANUS".
Centurion: Goes like?
Brian: "-ANUS".
Centurion: Vocative plural of "-ANUS" is?
Brian: "-ANI".
Centurion: (takes paintbrush from Brian and paints over) "RO-MA-NI".
"EUNT"? What is "EUNT"?
Brian: "Go".
Centurion: Conjugate the verb "to go"!
Brian: "IRE". "EO", "IS", "IT", "IMUS", "ITIS", "EUNT".
Centurion:So "EUNT" is ...?
Brian: Third person plural present indicative, "they go".
Centurion: But "Romans, go home!" is an order, so you must use the ...?
(lifts Brian by his hairs)
Brian: The ... imperative.
Centurion: Which is?
Brian: Ahm, oh, oh, "I", "I"!
Centurion: How many romans? (pulls harder)
Brian: Plural, plural! "ITE".
Centurion: (strikes over "EUNT" and paints "ITE" to the wall)
(satisfied) "I-TE".
"DOMUS"? Nominative? "Go home", this is motion towards, isn't it, boy?
Brian: (very anxious) Dative?
Centurion:(draws his sword and holds it to Brian's throat)
Brian: Ahh! No, ablative, ablative, sir. No, the, accusative, accusative,
ah, DOMUM, sir.
Centurion:Except that "DOMUS" takes the ...?
Brian: ... the locative, sir!
Centurion: Which is?
Brian: "DOMUM".
Centurion: (satisfied) "DOMUM" (strikes out "DOMUS" and writes "DOMUM") "-MUM".
Understand?
Brian: Yes sir.
Centurion: Now write it down a hundred times.
Brian: Yes sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar, sir.
Centurion: (salutes) Hail Caesar.
If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
Brian: (very reliefed) Oh thank you sir, thank you sir, hail Caesar and
everything, sir!
"
**************************************
02 Apr 2007, 9:42 am
02 Apr 2007, 10:53 am
02 Apr 2007, 10:53 am
02 Apr 2007, 11:51 am
The People's Front
You scored 60 Stubborn, 54 Crazy, 36 Agressive, and 41 Evil!
Apperance: Life of Brian
The People's Front of Judea.
High Light:
Inalienable Rights.
(A huge Roman amphitheatre, sparsely attended. REG, FRANCIS, STAN and JUDITH are seated in the stands. They speak conspiratorially.)
Judith: Any Anti-Imperialist group like ours must *reflect* such a divergence of interests within its power-base.
Reg: Agreed. (General nodding.) Francis?
Francis: I think Judith's point of view is valid here, Reg, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man--
Stan: Or woman.
Francis: Or woman...to rid himself--
Stan: Or herself.
Reg: Or herself. Agreed. Thank you, brother.
Stan: Or sister.
Francis: Thank you, brother. Or sister. Where was I?
Reg: I thought you'd finished.
Francis: Oh, did I? Right.
Reg: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man ...
Stan: Or woman.
Reg: Why don't you shut up about women, Stan, you're putting us off.
Stan: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
Francis: Why are you always on about women, Stan?
Stan: (pause) I want to be one.
(pregnant pause)
Reg: What?
Stan: I want to be a woman. From now on I want you all to call me Loretta.
Reg: What!?
Stan: It's my right as a man.
Judith: Why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
Stan: I want to have babies.
Reg: You want to have babies?!?!?!
Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb. Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box? (Stan starts crying.)
Judith: Here! I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the *right* to have babies. Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister, sorry.
Reg: (pissed) What's the *point*?
Francis: What?
Reg: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.
Aww, but I wanted to be a Gumby 
02 Apr 2007, 12:40 pm
02 Apr 2007, 6:59 pm
Prince Herbert
You scored 65 Stubborn, 45 Crazy, 40 Agressive, and 46 Evil!
Apperance: The Holy Grail.
The lad trying to climb out of the window.
High Light: The rescue of Prince Herbert
Scene: The drawbridge of Swamp Castle. Two guards standing here looking very bored. Off in the distance, they see Launcelot running towards them waving his sword in the air. They look at each other, then back at Launcelot. They seem confused. He does not get any closer, though he he keeps running. The guards look at each other again. One taps his forehead. They lean on their pikes and idly watch Sir Launcelot still running towards them and getting nowhere. They look at each other. Suddenly Launcelot appears right next to them and runs them both through. They die, considerably surprised.
Launcelot runs through the castle, slicing, dicing, grating, mincing, and otherwise generally killing the entire populace. He fights his way up to the Tower through the throngs of bewildered wedding guests. He reached the Tower and throws open the door.
Guard 1: Hello! Urggh.
Guard 2: *Hic*
Launcelot: Milady, here kneels the humble Sir Launcelot of Camelot, Knight of the Round Table, and I stand ready to deliver you from-- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Prince Herbert: You got my note!
Launcelot: Well, I got *a* note...let's not jump to conclusions...
Prince Herbert: I *knew* some one would read it and rescue me! I've got a rope all ready! Let's climb down!
King: What's all this!?! Are you the one who killed all my guests?
Prince Herbert: He's come to rescue me!
King: Shut your noise, you. Well, what about it?
Launcelot: Well, I suppose I may have got...a bit... carried away with the moment...
King: Carried away?!? Look, whoever you are, you not only ruined my wedding reception, and caused me great mental anguish, but you killed the bride's father and kicked the bride in the chest! Now what sort of behavior is that??? Who are you, anyway?
Launcelot: Well, I am Sir Launcelot of King Arthur's Court, and I-- King: King Arthur?? King-of-England Arthur? And you're one of his Knights of the Round Table?
Prince Herbert: I'm ready, Sir Launcelot!
Launcelot: Well...yes...and I'm awfully sorry about the fuss...
King: Fuss? Nonsense!! Why, Sir Launcelot, consider yourself my honored guest, please! (quietly) Lots of land up by Camelot, eh?
Launcelot: Well, I'm terribly sorry about killing all those people...and kicking the bride...
Prince Herbert: Hurry, Sir Launcelot!
King: Don't worry about a thing, sir. Just come downstairs with me, will you? I want to introduce you to everyone.
Launcelot: Well, thank you....Thank you very much...
King: I won't be a minute, Sir Launcelot....
Prince Herbert:(from outside) Are you coming, Sir Launcelot?
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!! !! ! (thump)
King: (liltingly) Coming, Sir Launcelot...
Sir Launcelot goes down the stairs. Upon recognizing him as the one who caused all the damage, the remaining guests shout such things as, "There he is!" and, "He's the one!" and, "Get him!" Launcelot draws his sword and goes beserk again.
King: Oh, bloody hell.
Launcelot is at last subdued before causing too much damage, save only kicking the bride again, and the King prepares to make a speech.
King: Ladies and gentlemen. This man whom you see beside me is my own honored friend, Sir Launcelot of Camelot. He has come all this way just to---
Guest: He killed the bride's father!!
King: Oh, come now! Let's not bicker and argue about 'oo killed 'oo! Sir Lancelot has come to celebrate with me the joyful occasion of my son's marriage to Princess Lucky. Unfortunately, my son Herbert has just fallen to his death from the Tall Tower. (gasps) But, I like to think of myself, not as having lost a son, but as having gained a daughter. For, since the father of the bride perished in most untimely circumstances....
Voice: He's not quite dead yet....
King: (thrown) Er...since her father has come so close to death as to be considered dead...
Voice: I think he's coming 'round!
King: Since her father, who, when it seemed he was just on the verge of recovery, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him...(thump)
Voice: He's kicked off!
King: Right...I should like the Princess to think of me as her own Dad. In the firm and legally binding sense. And, as this is meant to be a wedding day, I would like to welcome Sir Launcelot into my family, and give him the hand of my new daughter in earnest token of my esteem for him and his title.
Launcelot: Well, really, I must be going, I don't think--
King: Going? Nonsense! Why, how could you leave me at a time like this, so recently bereft of my only son?
Concorde: He's not quite dead yet! (general reaction)
King: Oh, bloody hell.
Voice: But, how on earth did you survive the fall from the Tall Tower?
Prince Herbert: Well, I'll tell you...
King: No! Wait! Stop that!
Guests: He's going to tell,
he's going to tell,
he's going to tell,
he's going to tell!
He's going to tell,
he's going to tell,
he's going to tell,
he's going to tell!
Concorde: Quick, sir, let's get out of here. This way.
Launcelot: No, no. I need something more...more...
Concorde: Dramatic, sir?
Launcelot: Dramatic! Right! This bell pull will do...
Launcelot: Err...could someone give me a push?
Yes! I always say, "But father, I don't want to get married," at random times. 
03 Apr 2007, 2:46 am
The Knight of Ni
You scored 74 Stubborn, 61 Crazy, 52 Agressive, and 93 Evil!
WHY AM I SO EVIL?
Apperance: The Holy Grail.
Evil, agressive, stubborn and utterly mad crazy fellow.
High Light:
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Arthur: Who are you?
Knight of Ni: We are the Knights who say..... "Ni"!
Arthur: (horrified) No! Not the Knights who say "Ni"!
Knight of Ni: The same.
Other Knight of Ni: Who are we?
Knight of Ni: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Nee-womm!
Other Knight of Ni: Nee-womm!
Arthur: (to Bedevere) Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!
Knight of Ni: The knights who say "Ni" demand..... a sacrifice!
Arthur: Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods.
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Bedevere: No! Noooo! Aaaugh! No!
Knight of Ni: We shall say "Ni" to you... if you do not appease us.
Arthur: Well what is it you want?
Knight of Ni: We want.....
(pregnant pause)
A SHRUBBERY!! !!
(dramatic minor chord)
Arthur: A *WHAT*?
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni!! Ni! Ni!
Arthur; No! No! Please, please, no more! We will find you a shrubbery.
Knight of Ni: You must return here with a shrubbery... or else you will never pass through this wood... alive.
Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.
Knight of Ni: One that looks nice.
Arthur: Of course!
Knight of Ni: And not *too* expensive.
Arthur; Yes!
Knight of Ni: Noowwwww.... GO!
(music)
Arthur: O Knights of Ni. We have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?
Knight of Ni: Yes, it is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly. But there is one small problem....
Arthur: What is that?
Knight of Ni: We are now *no longer* the Knights Who Say "Ni"! Other Knights of Ni: Ni! Shh! Shh!
Knight of Ni: We are now the Knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang, zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm".
Other Knight of Ni: Ni!
Knight of Ni: Therefore, we must give you a test.
Arthur: What is this test, o Knights of..... Knights who 'til recently said "Ni"?
Knight of Ni: Firstly, you must find.... ANOTHER SHRUBBERY!! !
(another minor chord)
Arthur: Oh not *another* shrubbery!!
Knight of Ni: (excitedly) THEN... Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.
Other Knights of Ni: A path! A path! A path! Shh, shhh. Ni! Ni!
Knight of Ni: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... Wiiiiiithh.... A HERRING!
Last edited by calandale on 03 Apr 2007, 4:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
03 Apr 2007, 3:00 am
03 Apr 2007, 7:26 pm
04 Apr 2007, 2:45 am
04 Apr 2007, 3:53 am
04 Apr 2007, 7:14 am
04 Apr 2007, 9:44 am
