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ThisAdamGuy
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15 Aug 2015, 10:04 pm

Whenever I tell somebody I've never had a girlfriend, they always reply "It's easy to meet women! They're everywhere!" As an aspie, that sounds about as promising as saying "They're all on Mars!" I know some guys can ask a girl out on a date after talking to her in the grocery store line, but not me. I know a lot of you will probably say that I should check out some groups or clubs around here that I'll enjoy, but I'm worried if I do that I'll end up being creepy. I mean, nobody likes the guy who joins a club just to find a girlfriend, right? So... any advice?


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yellowtamarin
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15 Aug 2015, 10:08 pm

Online.



ThisAdamGuy
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15 Aug 2015, 10:13 pm

Tried it. Hasn't worked. They might talk to me a for a while, but I feel like my issues are still too obvious. The ones that I do meet in person always say they just want to be friends, and then stop responding to my messages shortly afterwards.


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yellowtamarin
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15 Aug 2015, 10:30 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:
Tried it. Hasn't worked. They might talk to me a for a while, but I feel like my issues are still too obvious. The ones that I do meet in person always say they just want to be friends, and then stop responding to my messages shortly afterwards.

How long did you try it for?



ThisAdamGuy
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15 Aug 2015, 10:40 pm

Several years over several sites.


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yellowtamarin
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15 Aug 2015, 10:45 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:
Several years over several sites.

Fair enough. I don't see it as a big deal to just keep on trying, may as well...the right person for you might be on there, and you'll miss out if you don't keep trying. I don't see it as the same as keeping on trying other methods because this method is easy to just do whenever you have a spare moment or whatever. It doesn't hurt to have a profile up in case someone contacts you.



Stargazer43
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15 Aug 2015, 11:28 pm

I agree with the online suggestion. I've tried a few offline venues/strategies, but I find that at the sorts of things I go to it is either all people in their 50s/60s, or people who are already married with families. In the rare instance that there is actually a single woman my age, she's typically not someone I'd b compatible with.



Anachron
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15 Aug 2015, 11:52 pm

Do you want to punish yourself for something? Don't do it, man! You have no idea what kind of suffering and pleasure, comfort and aggrivation, hate and love, joy and misery that can come from this. Lonliness is so much better and easier to deal with. Of course this is just my experience, but you could get more problems than solutions. It is one of the largest rollercoasters in the Human Life Funpark because it almost touches heaven before slamming you down against the gates of hell and back up and down again.



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16 Aug 2015, 1:10 am

You could meet someone anywhere, at anytime. Go out and do what you love/enjoy, this is usually where the most compatible ones will be.



realitypill
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16 Aug 2015, 1:39 am

Abroad. I'm sort of good looking but have always struggled immensely with western women. If you display any aspy quirks whatsoever, you don't have a chance with them. However, in the Philippines I'm treated like a local celebrity and can have my pick. Just the other week, this cute 19 year old invited me to her house after a couple minutes of talking lol.



yogiB1
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16 Aug 2015, 2:52 am

Ironically enough I met my significant other in a grocery store. However, I think it was a freak incident.

I would say online, or places that you're interested in. If you're not a bar kind of guy, then it will probably backfire because you're probably not going to want a girl who's hanging out at a bar. I've heard the library and coffee shops are good places as well. You can always try and get your friends to play matchmaker too.


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RetroGamer87
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16 Aug 2015, 2:53 am

If I should meet a girl in meatspace, how do I determine whether or not she is single?


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rdos
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16 Aug 2015, 3:52 am

The best places to meet women is in hobbies and other regular activities. You should preferentially select activites that more girls than guys enjoy.



The Grand Inquisitor
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16 Aug 2015, 4:58 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:
They might talk to me a for a while, but I feel like my issues are still too obvious.


What issues are you referring to? Aspie traits? Confidence issues?
Likely, whatever these issues are you're referring to are what's largely holding you back.

Another beckoning question is, why do you want a girlfriend? Is it because many other people your age have had them, and you don't want to feel left out? Because you want to feel attractive to members of the opposite sex? Well, those are my main reasons anyway, so what're yours?

I don't know if you are the same as me in this area, but if you are, I'd give the same advice to you as I would to myself, and that's to address the underlying issues so you're content with yourself first. All else will follow.



ThisAdamGuy
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16 Aug 2015, 6:42 pm

@Inquisitor, the issues are mostly aspie traits, as you said. I'm socially awkward, I have a hard time empathizing, and I get so obsessed over certain things that it pushes other people away. I want a girlfriend so that I can have someone who'll never get tired of being with me because we love each other. We'll spend our lives together, and have that intimate connection that "just friends" don't have. Because of that, I'm only interested in ltr's, not casual or "fun" dating.


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RetroGamer87
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16 Aug 2015, 6:44 pm

How do you know you won't tire of her first?


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