Have YOU ever been the one to quit first?

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What I mean by that is, did you ever give your (2 weeks) notice to get out of a place, with another job lined up, out of fears that they were gonna fire you and/or that it was too much of a bully / toxic situation for you to continue. The Aspergers activist and author Rudy Simone, of Aspergers on the Job, talked about "The Aspergers Pre-emptive Strike" which maybe some can relate to.

I can say that I've done it once before...I've been VERY lucky not to have been fired from anything in my adult career life in the CS/IT field (in my element!) but have come close on three occasions due to misinterpretations and falling afoul of unspoken rules, no big surprise there. In the one case where I found something else and gave my notice, I was put on extended probation for communication challenges, which from my point of view had to do with people automatically assuming that I knew such-and-such when I'd have to ask questions to clarify such-and-such. Again, no big surprise. It was one of those "high context" cultures where people preferred minimal meetings and kept emails very short, which doesn't work so well for an Aspie like myself. So when I gave my notice, I told my boss frankly, "you know, I really think communications is a 2-way street, and that certain people (implying my boss as well ) should take the time and effort to discuss things in productive and open manner to prevent misunderstandings - because I take the initiative to do so, so it's fair to expect the same in return - you can't just assume that people know certain things, it's not always a matter of common sense." (Yeah, I really went out on a limb on that one!)

Surprisingly, instead of replying angrily with something like "well, it IS common sense and obvious and you should know these things already bla bla bla", he actually replied with something to the effect of "yes, perhaps you're right, maybe there was something that WE could have done differently, I mean we have the same goals, and I like some of the suggestions you offer." I didn't detect a note of sarcasm in his reply. To this day, who knows if he was just "being Japanese" about it, or if he genuinely meant it. He wasn't a push-over, but he wasn't a big-time Type-A personality either, he was somewhere in the middle. If he was hardcore Type-A, I doubt this line would have worked well on him, and if he was a narcissist, then pretty much forget it but hey, I'm glad that I stood up for my point of view and let out my frustration before leaving, and without jeopardizing a future reference at that.

Thank you for sharing Jayo! This is an interesting topic. I too have found myself in some "preemptive strike" situations in my work life, though for different reasons. I find often in jobs that I have, upon getting to know me, my employer senses there is "something different about me" and decides that I should be limited in terms of what I am "permitted" to do in the workplace. This makes me crazy. I've found that once I see my employer doing this it's easier to just leave than to fight to be recognized for my ability to contribute.

Example 1: While working as a pet-store employee in my first year of college, I noticed that I was never left to mind the store alone for some reason, even though all three of the other employees (two of which were newer than I was), were. When I asked about why, my boss evaded the question. When I asked one of the other employees, she said "You just don't have what it takes, ok." ....yeah, sure, I don't have what it takes to work a register, and bag fish, even though I had been doing both of those things for a year already at that point. So I left.

Example 2: Way down the road to when I was working at a museum, I started noticing that EVERY other employee except for me in our department was being recognized as employee of the month, most people more than once. Also, when my two-years came up, and I was due for an automatic raise I didn't receive one. When I went to the department manager to request an explanation, she said "Look, you are in a dead-end position. Without a higher degree, you're never going to earn much here. Unlike me, you didn't get your masters and now you are stuck. Higher degrees cost money, it's an investment, and not everyone has what it takes to get it. I don't mean to be harsh, but it's a reality check."

That job was probably my favorite job to quit. After she said that I walked to my desk, accepted the offer sitting in my inbox, walked back to her desk and said "Based on our conversation, I have just accepted an offer. In two months I will be leaving [company name] to enter a PhD program where I will have tuition remission, and a stipend greater than what my entire salary is here."

...so much for this whole "sorry you're too poor and stupid for a raise" nonsense

Interesting stories Fern!! Yes, sometimes it's just pure spiteful discrimination on management's part, very little to do with actual ability, integrity, aptitude, knowledge, etc. Like they could easily do the same thing to someone who's obese, has a speech impediment, or chronic halitosis, while ridiculing that person behind their back, but I think we tend to get it worse

In a technical job back in the early 2000s, I was told I was the top performer there, with great accuracy in my work; yet whenever the dept manager was away, he'd ALWAYS appoint someone else as the "interim manager". I was the most experienced there BTW. When I asked him about it, he'd say "Oh! Well I didn't know you wanted to be interim, but you see the thing is, the other guys don't have as much experience as you or do as great technical work as you do, so I feel it's more fair to give them a chance to assume managerial functions." I knew it was total B.S. The guy was an ass-kisser which is how he became manager, and his response was just adding insult to injury. I wanted to punch him in the face, but restrained myself b/c that would really torpedo my career and I'd lose everything. So I just went to the gym that night and used the punching bag, pretending his stupid face was on it

It's quite true, from what I've also read in a national news column on Aspergers and the workplace, there was a firsthand (but anonymous) account from an employee with Aspergers who said there is an unspoken rule that you don't discuss the way you're treated (i.e. management imposing limits on your functions or excluding you) because of your Aspergers, you just accept it or find another job. Kind of a cruel irony that a disorder based on incapacity to interpret unspoken rules, resulted in an unspoken rule unto itself

I have. I worked at McDonald's when I was a teenager and found it incredibly stressful. I was having panic attacks and couldn't sleep. I was terrified of being fired. My mom and my therapist at the time thought it was for the best for me to leave. I had a job that I really loved at a craft store and was horribly upset when they closed.

Were you bullied there? I worked at McD's for about 2 years back in my teens, and I had to deal with a bullying incident once but thankfully the guy got let go for other reasons...it was stressful otherwise, though, just dealing with the lunch and dinner cycles, the place being so packed and management imposing me to "work faster"! It was so overwhelming, I swore I was gonna have a heart attack before reaching 21!! Later on, I learned to detach and not get too stressed out about it, but then I got criticized for letting things slide, so I had to be hyper-vigilant again

So, anyways, yeah I actually ended up leaving there & giving my notice, but it was more because my parents were moving to another city and I was going to university. So I didn't count that in the "preemptive strike". Still, I f***g hated it there.

Yes, I had it lined up perfectly. I was working two jobs (one full-time and one part-time) and the company where I was already working part-time had a full-time opening with much better pay then my other full-time job so I gave my other employer two weeks notice, plus I trained my replacement before I left. I did that all voluntarily because I wanted to leave on good terms and I had the time. It was winter and I had nothing to do in my spare time anyways. That meant for 3 weeks I worked 80 hours a week (40 at each job) but I got it done and some nice extra cash in the meantime. That's why often, I've worked two jobs, that way I am never stuck with only one option and if one of my jobs start sucking I can quit knowing I still have an income at the other job.

I got made fun of a lot behind my back, but nothing was ever said to my face. I really struggled with the busy times and found it overwhelming.

Yes.

It was the best career move i ever made.

I was making $8/hr as lead support tech and traveling troubleshooter.

When i was on the road, the client was paying $3000/day.

It was crap work and i got no respect and terrible pay.

I finally broached the subject with my boss, who delegated someone else to negotiate with me, who ultimately offered me a $1/hr bump if i accepted managerial responsibility.

I gave 2 weeks notice on the spot. She was shocked.

For two weeks people asked me if i was really quitting and i told them i really was.

Two months later i was making $12.50/hr in a testing lab.

Two months after that i was making $15.50/hr in the same lab.

Six months after that i was making $18/hr and had 3 weeks of paid vacation per year.

That was 14 years ago. I make a lot more now.

Good for you!! VERY good for you!!

Makes me wonder, if the first place you mentioned with the crappy $8/hr pay were just taking advantage of you because they noticed you were "different" or "special" = less options elsewhere.

Guess you sure showed them!!

Nope, never done it... as I've taken the disclosure route. My rationale is that "she's super-smart, an Aspie and likes it when you provide your comments via email" is vastly preferable to "she's smart but has the memory of a goldfish and seems to enjoy terrorizing her staff".

It was just easier to have my employer align my responsibilities to my strengths (research, mathematical modeling) and away from my weaknesses (not a people person). So I'm the only research director -- director-level research responsibilities (and salary), no staff (loathe managing people) and as little interaction with clients as humanly possible (so no bonus). It's perfect for me.

Life's too short to be miserable at work and it's unlikely any "off the rack" job would play to me strengths. The ADA requires employers to provide reasonable accommodations and they did.

I just did this three weeks ago! I was at a really toxic start up with a CEO who broke labor laws (both the intern laws, and she didn't pay me), contracts, and was just kind of a horrible person. I wasn't the only aspie, one of the interns she'd hired was also on the spectrum, and she alternated between yelling at him and making fun of him. She did it to me too, but it bothered me more when she harassed the interns. We got into fights fairly often over her abuse of other employees/interns. She wasn't about to fire me, though.

Anyway, as luck would have it, I was offered a new job with double the pay and benefits and the end of my notice was the same time the interns were all leaving! So, I was able to make sure they were all okay and got their credit. But telling her was the best feeling ever. There wasn't enough time to train my replacements. Considering she's replacing me with a small team of unpaid interns. e_e

I'm really happy with the new job, though.^^ Everyone's super nice, and they contract with the government all the time so they're really strict about regulations.

These are such fun stories to read.

Years ago, I was given the choice of quitting or being fired after I was caught supporting a girl I shared an office with, who was the recent victim of a violent crime. The company we worked for thought the crime was her fault and were monitoring her personal email. I didn't know this and told her that I was there for her even if the company wasn't.

That wasn't something they could have fired me for, but I was so disgusted at how they treated the both of us that I was glad to leave. Working for people who seemed nice on the surface but were terrible underneath had been draining my soul. I had nothing when I left-I had to stay on the couch of a relative who didn't like me for two weeks and go back to a job I had left, but everything steadily got better after I left that place.

Yes, I have been there before. I had to switch jobs because the company I was working for had planned to do an illegal disposal of used toxic chemicals (ie. pour down the drain, dump in ground) in violation of several state & federal laws and I did not agree to be part of it. They clearly knew it was wrong, but still wanted to do it to save money as they did not want to pay for a proper disposal. Management were going to use me as a scapegoat on the issue later on if they ever got inspected for it, but I had documented everything on my side of the coin. Needless to say, I was glad to leave that place and move on with my life.

I would have done so at my last job, but I didn't have another job lined up. Although... since I waited to be fired, I get to collect unemployment. Muahaha.

I was on a team in which I excluded from a new major project despite being a key player on an earlier similar project. I saw the writing on the wall and found another role shortly afterwards. The team seemed surprised that I left, thinking I didn't have the guts to move. The move was a little scary but it was a huge step forward in my career.

Once, when I worked at Walmart. Sometime prior to that 3 managers had ganged up on me in a meeting and told me to quit and I refused. They targeted me because I had a back injury at work. I had already heard the rumors from other employees before it happened, that if you ever have an injury they will get rid of you, and if you fight it legally they will fix it so you are never able to get a job again.

It was a horrible, horrible work environment. Lots of intimidation and back-stabbing. I tried to stick it out, out of pure stubbornness, but eventually I realized I had to get out for the sake of my own well-being. The only reason I gave a notice when I left was because I didn't want them to put down on my file that I was ineligible for rehire. Not that I would ever darken their doors again, lol, just didn't want it on my file.

Most other times when I have quit a job, I just got disgusted one day and walked out. Those were low-paying jobs not worth keeping anyway.