How to get a girlfriend when you are socially awkward?

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So I am a 9th grader and I would really like a girlfriend but am clueless on how to get one. While I have no diagnosis of autism or anything I am still socially awkward. I have social anxiety and often find I don't know how to keep a conversation flowing. So I am asking you guys, how do I approach someone, and what is the right way for me to flirt? Do I just go to a random table at lunch were a girl is sitting and try to have a conversation? What is the right way to flirt and have a conversation? How to I avoid those dreadful awkward silences? How do I think of things to talk about and not come off as corny and not be awkward?

The best way to meet a girl is to join a club at school, and talk with the girls in the club. For most guys, it's better not to go up to girls in the lunchroom.

Yes its better idea to meet girls in some clubs or some events happening in school.go and talk with her there and do some funny thing they will attract her to you.

Work on social skills. Make friends. Make female friends. Then worry about dating.

If you were a little older, I would say alcohol. A little bit of that brings your barriers down. But I wouldn't recommend that till you're older.


The only advice I can give you is doing something for the first time is scary. Here in a couple of years when you get your permit and even your drivers license, the first couple of times will probably be pretty scary and a big deal. But the more you do it, the more natural it becomes.

Talking to girls is the same thing, the more you do it the easier and natural it becomes. Here is another tip. Care but don't care. What I mean by this is you do want to care about what to say to her and you do want to get a girlfriend/get laid. On the other hand, if she rejects you then understand that rejection is bound to happen and the important thing is that you keep trying. You have to be okay with being rejected because if you're not, you get rejected once and you stop trying.


Are you a good looking guy? I will admit that a lot of high school freshman look pretty awkward. I would consider 14 for boys to be one of the ugliest years in their life. A couple of years from now you will probably look better. But looks do matter especially if you're in high school. Let's just say you're not the greatest looking guy, don't be going for very attractive preppy popular girls. You should be going for girls who have similar interests to you and may not be a super model but isn't extremely ugly either. If you're a nerdy guy, try to find a nerdy girl who enjoys video games as well.

You just need to be brave and talk to a girl who seems lonely. If she gets up and walks away, then it's her issue not yours.


Finally, look up information on google on how to talk to girls in high school, how to get a girlfriend in high school. etc... Dating in high school can be fun but it's not going to happen if you don't put in the effort to work on your game. Even if a girl approaches you first which isn't too common, you still have to be decent socially.

If you are still in school, the best way to go about it is to flirt nonverbally. School is perfect for this because it has the same people going to the same classes over a longer period of time. The only "problem" is to find somebody that fancies that kind of thing, which I really had no problem with while in school. You just give girls quick glances from time to time, and see if they reciprocate. Once you have found a girl that does, you can typically keep that up for a while with her. After you are comfortable with each others, you can try to advance it and talk to her.

The best thing is that it works for socially awkward guys, and even mostly mute guys as well. You also cannot be rejected.

My thoughts exactly.

Funny, I agreed on this before I saw that it was you who wrote it.

On the one hand, I can only support this approach. On the other, I have to comment that I, in school, never thought of this approach myself. Why not? I do not know. I had the age to be interested in boys, and would have liked them to go after me.

Reading it back it seems so easy. So yeah, I support this way of going at it. It's like the silent, safe way to become familiar with contact with girls. I suppose, as a guy, you can oversee the dynamics of girls' conversations more clear. I'm not saying it is easy. But from a distance, you can figure out who the popular girl of the group is, who the cling-on-wannabe is, and who the rest are. Don't go for the popular girl. Don't go for the wannabe either. Go for a pretty girl from the group that's around them.

Whenever one of those girls has a bad day, or has a little win (a good grade, something that succeeds), smile at her, give her a thumbs up under the table, or say 'wow' if she can hear it. Girls love it when someone notices their struggle as well as their little victories. Show her that you support her, and even admire her, in little things. It might turn out that you become only friends, but that's a start!

Find someone who might be equally as socially awkward. Aspie partners probably make it more likely for a long term relationship to blossom.

Why? Those are two separate sets of skills

Yes, that would be ideal, but it is not very easy to do that. So while I agree I should work on social skills, I ultimately would HAVE to have a socially awkward girlfriend or at least introverted. Anything else we probably wouldn't like each other very much lol

hey alex
Having a social life is a prerequisite for having a girlfriend, unless she approaches you first. If she has a crush on you, chances are she doesn't care if you lack a social life.

The skills are pretty much the same to me -- talking to an initial stranger, deciding they're fun enough to want to see again, getting contact info, making plans and doing it agin if it's fun. It was easier in school/college because I knew I'd be seeing the same people at meals (lunch or dorm meals) and between 2-4 Tuesday's + Thursday's for 4 mos (fall semester math). Friends, particularly dorm-mates were way more forgiving because they saw you often enough to see what you were LIKE, ie not just on a terrible day when you threw a strop.

I would suggest perhaps not doing 'non-verbal' flirting, but that's because it can be very very hard to decipher. Perhaps I'm biased?

I would take up a hobby - for me MTG and video games rocked - and meet people that way. That allowed me to work on social skills in a low-judgement setting. If judgement did exist, usually changing groups (like switching from one DM in DnD to another) sufficed. When I had a solid awareness of how to behave around people who were 'like me' in some way, I had a basis with which to interact with those I was interested in. Now you, as a male, may find it harder to find a female if you join those groups above. However, the gender ratios have significantly improved since I was young so that may not be the case anymore.

Once you have sufficient social skills to know how to interact with people you are comfortable with, consider talking to one new person a day (especially those you might be interested in). Try to notice something about them that you can use to spur the conversation, especially if its something you have mutual interest in or knowledge of. For instance, if they are wearing the Tshirt of a show you like say 'oh, hey, do you like (such and such) too? What did you think of (so and so)?' Take time to get to know them. While the ultimate objective is to find someone to date, any given person may not be the right fit. Also accept that even if they are a good fit for you the same may not be true in reverse.

Repeat the above paragraph until you find someone who you are interested in, with whom you have had a fair amount of social interaction in safe settings (like at school lunch, or at a club, etc) and ask if they would like to hang out in a group. This is a safe way of slightly testing the waters. Be aware that a no may indicate 'not now' or 'never.' If you are uncertain which it is, just ask for clarification. When you've had a few group hang outs (hopefully fun) you can ask for solo. Again, you may need clarification on an answer.

Eventually, through the slow process above, you should have a girlfriend. This may take some time but it shows genuine respect for other people, gives you a wide swath of friends, and lowers immediate risk of rejection. Plus, a lot of the people who say no might be able to hook you up with friends they think might be a good fit for you.

Good luck!

Just beware of the friend zone. The friend zone is basically where she only sees you as a friend nothing else. Being in the friend zone basically means it's nearly impossible to get out.

Now listen if you like a girl, you have to ask yourself, do I want to be in a relationship with her, just be friends, or simply hookup?

You can avoid the friend zone by by flirting with her and letting her know your interested but like I said, you're just a freshman and that's a crappy year for most boys especially aspie boys. Dating will be hard, it's best you wait a year or two for better results

Not necessarily. Many successful relationships start out as friendships, and many relationships can turn into solid friendships. It really depends on the maturity of the person you are interested in.