Giving up on trying?

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I feel at this point in my life (Im 35) that my path is solitary, though even that doesnt work. All my life, I've had revolving door friendships and relationships, because most of the time, seemingly for no reason people decide to drop me. Ones that stick around I constantly question in my mind if they are just using me, because they have not wanted much to do with me outside of something I can do for them. I don't even really know what having a true friend is like. I do try to meet people, but most times I feel so far removed from them, that their points of view is so foreign. I don't understand in most cases why people seem like complete sociopathic jerks, which is how a great many people appear to me, and i feel that way from the way i get treated, from how i hear them talk and put down others. Thats when someone even bothers giving me the time of the day, as most seem to rather look past me.

I've really felt alien, that something is seriously wrong with me if people have no interest in me, or the ones that seem to outright hate on me because I am different. Is there really such a thing as unlovable? As thats how I feel, even my own family seems to fall into that category. My father spent my childhood telling me I was stupid and worthless, and everyone i meet seems to just reinforce that.

No matter how many achievements I gain, or how great my abilities are, it seems no one ever notices or cares, I don't even know what encouragement is like. My ex girlfriend, has somewhat helped me, but in that shes tried to help me not care what anyone thinks, but to me that doesnt address the underlying issue. Even she falls into that, because she pines for her ex boyfriend who treats her like crap and apparently I am too soft hearted for her.

Is it really time to hang it up and give up on people? I feel like I have nothing left, I'd been torn down so much and dismissed because I have aspergers that no one will ever care to find out who I really am.

We care. Don't give up.

What are you especially interested in?

Don't give up, there have been plenty of times when I have felt the same way, perseverance will pay off in the end.

I've often found other aspies to be the answer, I don't have a lot of friends but the ones I do have are keepers, they are tolerant of my faults because we often share them. No one minds if someone disappears, sometimes even for years, to chase some obsession or other and they all appreciate blunt honesty.

The hardest part is meeting these shy, reclusive people. I've found stereotypical nerdy activities such as science, maths, computing and sports that require visual imagination and patience tend to attract people like us.

There is also help available though charities and therapy to improve your social skills, I have found them to be invaluable.

Good luck

When I read your feelings so much of it feels to me like my own but I don't understand my own and we are all different I have recently gone through a major breakdown and have given up on most people I am fortune enough to have fluked myself a wife and a child who is also on the spectrum I have a some acquaintances and some aspie friends I am slowly trying to have more to do with I have found peace in my life after 32 years and while giving up is never desireable it really depends where you are at in yourself I had to do it because I honestly don't think I would be here right now if I didn't maybe give up on some types but keep some thats almost what ive done good luck I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make

I hope you make the only right and correct choice: not giving up!

I've been part of a support group for aspies for over a year now and it's been really nice. Have you ever thought of joining one ? Seems to me like you could benefit from that experience.

I don't know about giving up, but I think some people pour so much of themselves into meeting people that it inevitably tears them down. That doesn't mean not staying open-minded or going where you can get some social interaction, though, just being prepared to build yourself up in a different area and roll with the punches. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, there has to be a way to survive and be stable.

Not sure what's up with me, personally. I'm told I understand people well when I'm talking one-on-one, but in the broader picture things often seem lost in translation. It's like I can't control when I'm on and when I'm off, and I'm off more often than I'm on, especially with people who aren't also a little weird. It's disappointing to not have a solid group of friends... but I'm long past waiting for that before I start feeling good.

Thank you all for replying. I'd never encountered anyone before who truly understands these feelings. Its kind of comforting in its own way.

I am not part of any support groups, or being helped by any charities or anything. Opportunities are not something I get for some reason, theres been no one to really help me through these things, its just been me trying to keep it together as best I can. I dont know where to go, despite my efforts to try to figure out how to find help. I only made it to this website because my ex-girlfriend felt it important I try to reach out to other aspies, and suggested i find a online forum to join.

I do definitely want help, especially in the form a support group or a program or something but it seems difficult finding things like that.

I don't have any real life friends, or anyone to help me on that front, and I mostly just keep in touch with my ex online via skype. I do think other aspies probably would make ideal friends, but as has been mentioned i think it probably is difficult to find them, i know i too tend to avoid alot of public places online or off, and prefer one on one chatting.

As for my interests, I am certainly nerdy. I am very much into gaming, technology, Fantasy/Sci Fi Roleplay and Science. I am very learned in Quantum Psychics and if I could have afforded the schooling required in my youth, I would have gotten my Doctorate in it. It's been asked why I didnt get a scholarship, but it all comes back to my lack of opportunities, and lack of help. There's never been anyone for me to turn to in real life, not family, not friends nor school officials when i attended, alas.

Personally, I found my support group through the psychiatrist who diagnosed me. Where do you live ? Maybe we can help you search online.

I live in Central New Jersey, though I don't drive, due to being physically disabled, so its difficult for me to get around. It'd probably be easier to find a online support group, but if they are as helpful as you guys say, I could probably find some kind of arrangement, with family if i really pushed. Its too bad I don't have any real friends to help with those things.

Sorry my comments were wrong the other day im in no position to be giving people advice atm

I swear that I felt like I had come across something that I had written when I was reading your post. I don't know what to say. I frequently feel the same way. I just try to remind myself that people often act a way that benefits them, and they likely weren't really setting out to hurt you so much as to help themselves. Sometimes, they are so traumatized and dealing with their own selves that it isn't even intentional. A slow burning NT meltdown. It took me 46 years to *get* that. It probably doesn't help all that much, I suppose, but maybe it provides a slight comfort to you. I found that looking at the person's experiences, distant past to recent, can help me kinda get an idea of how they will respond to certain situations or if they will try to "use" me. Still failing on the latter, though. Still getting some false negatives, but kinda easier to identify some true positives, if that makes sense. TBH, I might still give someone who I know is probably not the best person for me a chance because of other appealing traits and behaviors - hoping it will be different, but setting myself up to fail because I miss the cues and nuances in the interactions that would help me identify and regulate myself when they present. Anyway...

Sad.

One day at a time?