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hyper_alien
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03 Apr 2007, 7:00 pm

I wanna self harm so bad I am on a real downer atm. I am struggling to cope.

I CANT COPE ANYMORE

/me sobs

sorry


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Graelwyn
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03 Apr 2007, 7:14 pm

Maybe you could explain why you want to harm...it isn't the harm that is an issue so much as why you want to harm.


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calandale
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03 Apr 2007, 7:15 pm

A lot of us are there, man. It does get better. Just try and hold on.



hyper_alien
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03 Apr 2007, 7:15 pm

I am remembering stuff from my early childhood and its scaring me.

I am struggling to cope with everyday life and i feel like i am slipping deeper into my depression again.


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calandale
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03 Apr 2007, 7:18 pm

I've just started coming out of a damned deep depression myself. Hurtful memories of the past can be very difficult to deal with; are you seeking professional help?



hyper_alien
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03 Apr 2007, 7:29 pm

yes I am seeking help. but there help isnt helpful


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calandale
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03 Apr 2007, 7:32 pm

Ok. Well, if you want to tell us about it, there are a lot of people here who have had difficult childhoods as well. Can't promise much, but at least we can empathize.



hyper_alien
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04 Apr 2007, 4:07 am

I am just struggling with who I am, how i am feeling. I am struggling to understand things. I am remembering bad things from my early childhood and it is badly scaring me. I have these flashbacks and then i feel the urge to SI.

I am at an all time low atm and i am afraid of myself.


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Graelwyn
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04 Apr 2007, 4:13 am

hyper_alien wrote:
I am just struggling with who I am, how i am feeling. I am struggling to understand things. I am remembering bad things from my early childhood and it is badly scaring me. I have these flashbacks and then i feel the urge to SI.

I am at an all time low atm and i am afraid of myself.



You do know that self harming wont solve it, right? IT is a cliche but true. Done it on and off since I was 11, and while it might be some relief at the time, everything comes back again after. You need to work on real solutions to your thoughts and issues. You need to write down what is causing you the worst issues and think about them and work through them because until you work through the things from your past, it will keep coming back...and back...and back.

Try and find something to do as an alternative to self harming... something that will maybe make you too tired to self harm. Or find a way that causes pain but does not do serious harm. There are ways...like holding ice cubes for a long period of time...the cold can burn your hands, or make it feel like they are burning.


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hyper_alien
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04 Apr 2007, 4:22 am

ok. I might try the ice cube thing and see if it will work


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calandale
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04 Apr 2007, 4:28 am

If you want the MOST intense pain that I've ever managed (and I suspect it is harmless) you might consider cayenne pepper oil in the eye. But be warned, this is really intense.



Graelwyn
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04 Apr 2007, 4:29 am

Alternatively, pinch yourself. That hurts but doesn't cause too much harm other than a little bruising if done hard. Just think up ways you can get the relief without the damage basically. If you harm due to anger and frustration, then maybe get something you can punch(not yourself lol).


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hyper_alien
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04 Apr 2007, 4:31 am

i would normally punch walls which has resulted in me only having 20 percent mobility in my right hand.


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Graelwyn
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04 Apr 2007, 4:34 am

Can you not get some sort of punchbag that would do less damage?


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calandale
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04 Apr 2007, 4:56 am

Hyper - I just peeked at your blog - if things are that violent still in your home life, you have to get out of there.



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04 Apr 2007, 5:46 am

You don't deserve self harm, let alone someone else harming you on top of that.

You have every right to be who you are regardless of what others do, and one of the things you are is someone of university age.
This also means that you have every right to leave your parent's home and live elsewhere as successfully as anyone else does, despite what anyone else thinks.

Have you told your university what's happening and is it giving you any support?