Anxiety

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My son is nearly 12. We have a great relationship and he is able to talk to me about his issues and we do try and figure out how to help. He has one specific issue and one general issue at the moment.

The specific issue - he has great ideas to build big cities and buildings on minecraft, but gets bored when he starts building them. He wants to know how to stop being bored as he is envious of others who have the "stamina" to build vast structures.

The general issue - he is fed up with feeling anxious all the time. I try to make suggestions and sometimes they work, but other times my suggestions make him even more annoyed. He says he wants a frontal lobotomy as he is sick of always feeling this way.

Any ideas?

Tell him to forget the frontal lobotomy.

You should read about Rosemary Kennedy; she had a frontal lobotomy when she was young. She had to be institutionalized as a result.

What I guess I would do is to try to find new interests for him--or encourage him to seek out new interests. Maybe getting away from mindcraft for a day or so might make him less bored of it when he does come back to it.

Where or doing what does he feel secure?

Below is a paragraph cut and pasted from my other message posted today.

For older children or even adults, tantrums are not the main issue. Instead, anxiety, including fear and embarrassment, tend to be the main issues. These negative moments just never seem to go away, because we only deal with them when they happen, which is not the right moment to solve the issue. The right moment to solve these issues is when they are not happening, at all. The problem is, when we are happy, we never recall our negative moments, so our positive world is never connected to our negative world, and we will keep suffering from the same anxiety/fear/embarrassment issues. There is a simple solution to all this. Some devices help: (a) a small packet notebook or a piece of paper, (b) a voice recorder, or (c) a smartphone. You record the negative feelings when they happen, so that you don’t forget. And then, you replay those notes from the negative moments, when you are doing something else. I would say a voice recorder is the best alternative. It allows you to build a cross-temporal bridge, a sort of a “wormhole tunnel,” to connect your good moments to your bad moment. Remember now your positive moments and your new thoughts. Then, the next time you have a negativity attack, you will be able to channel your attention away from the negative loop, and solve problems from a newer perspective. All that is needed is a “wormhole tunnel,” and you will be able to solve your anxiety issues. A voice recorder comes in handy for that purpose.

I have noticed in my son that he likes to think about things but has trouble executing them. Some of this is executive functioning issues with planning and executing a multi-step plan. Some is honestly a dislike of tedium, which is often part of executing a vision.

It is analogous (or maybe it is the same thing) as having a visionary outlook, but not being good at day-to-day operations sort of work.

Most people, even genius visionaries, have to do some of the tedious stuff to get to the point where they can get to be visionaries most of the time. Even visionaries have to be accustomed to some degree in dealing with operations. I think Steve Jobs was probably a good example of someone with these kinds of issues.

I think it might benefit your child to practice doing these tedious type things to see what his final vision looks like, which i think would be intrinsically reinforcing. You can scaffold it by having him set small bite-size goals, and accomplishing them, little by little, daily. Hopefully, once he sees progress he will be continually reinforced by it.

As far as anxiety goes, this is a common co-morbid, and can be exacerbated by feeling like you cannot follow through on anything. I am not so great at managing that myself, but it helps aspies, in particular, to show there is a way from point A to point B and to have them outline it (or help them do it at first) Knowing there is a path and what it is, can help a lot, especially if progress can be made towards the end.

Try to interact him with kids of his age, maybe he has extra energy

Good luck

Is he trying to build vast structures one block at a time?
If so, he should know that people who build vast structures are generally using plugins that simplify building.
For example, he might want to check out bukkit and WorldEdit for tools that allow the relatively easy creation of vast structures in Minecraft.

This gets to a more general issue which is to learn not to give in to frustration when one approach doesn't work, but instead look for alternative approaches that may be more effective.



Anxiety is a constant problem for many including me.

One thing that works somewhat is to set up frameworks that allow for success and mitigate the impact of executive functioning issues. Accomplishing things can reduce anxiety.

Tell him the point of a video game is to have fun, so as soon as it stops being fun and turns into work or something that makes him feel bad, it's time to do something else.

Specific problem: Learn to endure the boredom to get the result. This is a life skill. Playing Minecraft well is not necessary for survival/independent functioning, but the ability to do things that bore you to get to a result you want (a clean living space, a pay check) is. Might as well practice now.

General problem: Man, if I knew, I'd do it. I'm sick and tired of being scared all the time. If I thought a frontal lobotomy would leave me with any emotions at all and/or the ability to engage in higher-order thinking (it won't; by definition it destroys the capacity for those things), I'd get one in a heartbeat.

As things stand, I'm begging for a revolving prescription for Xanax and/or praying for medical marijuana.