Unpleasant (forced?) thoughts and "psychopathic" mutterings

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During the last 4-10 years I have noticed following things in me:

-Lots of unpleasant thoughts emerge into my conscious mind. These thoughts are often memories of past social events. They can be very simple, for example some sort of short discussions that have happened at some point of my life. They can also be hypothetical thoughts on social situations or feelings related to recent or ongoing social issues.

-While thoughts are often not - when trying to take an objective point of view - necessarily very shameful or otherwise strongly unpleasant, they provoke a rather strong negative emotional reaction in me.

-Then I start to mutter - often repeating few times, using my mother tongue - some "psychopathic" sentences such as "I want to kill everybody", "die you" or "kill me" without having any such killing related intentions. Why I am doing this? I do not know, but probably these sentences act as a some kind of counterforce for those unpleasant thoughts.

-This probably happens almost every day. Perhaps several times. But hard to say.

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Ok. So, what do you think about this? Do other people have similar experiences?

Muttering those sentences is not so much of a problem, but I have pretty much of those memories etc. which I feel unpleasant. I have got a picture that autism spectrum people often have some sort of forced thoughts. Maybe this is related to that issue.

Could be something related to a repressed memory which is surfacing in fragments and/or metaphors, trying to make its way from the unconscious to the conscious. You could try getting a journal and when you are in a good space and relaxed, try having a written dialogue with the 'mutterings' which surface without conscious awareness.

These repressed memories can be very early. You may have encoded them before you could talk by some kind of environmental exposure which overwhelmed the developmental level of your growing brain.

Or it could be something later that was never resolved at the time and is resurfacing to demand your attention.

Whatever, it is calling your attention to something, so pay attention and explore it in writing, painting, drawing or meditation - these can be ways of linking the subconscious mind with the conscious. Try drawing yourself at different ages and in different contexts to see which pictures intuitively draw your attention.

Sometimes people have these experiences when they old enough and ready to integrate old memories which they were not able to process at the time, for whatever reason (often because they were overwhelmed by the response of the autonomic nervous system). I hope this is of some help to you.

I have similar experiences and just accepted this a part of me. Maybe I should also look at working on this problem, thanks for posting. Sorry I can't offer any useful advice.

This is disassociative behavior. I do this all the time. I'll remember some embarrassing moment, and like you said doesn't even have to be that bad, but when I do I'll either say something like "**@!#* idiot!" or "loser" or Ill have some weird hand or neck movement- many times I don't even realized I did it until it's pointed out to me.

I don't think it's as troublesome as you're making it. While it can look odd to others I don't think that there's anything "wrong"with it. I don't think there are any real reasons to go nuts fixing this issue- you most likely have more pressing issues to devote your attention to.

These sound like the sort of intrusive thoughts I get at times. The content of the thoughts can be anything but embarrassing social errors are very common. I feel quite ashamed, anxious and frustrated when I get these thoughts and sometimes I swear under my breath to relieve the emotional tension. Intrusive thoughts in themselves are usually normal but our response is the problem. We try to neutralize the thoughts/memories because we think they mean something important. I try to not think these things but that never works. I'd recommend talking to a psychologist or doctor if this is causing you anxiety because OCD is very difficult to treat by yourself. I'm still struggling to accept that I have OCD and not some more serious condition (schizophrenia, bipolar, psychosis etc.)

I can and do get intrusive negative memories from my past, usually related to my social incompetence. Things I did or said that were stupid and embarrassing. Recent screw ups often trigger these thoughts and then I feel badly about them even though rationally I know that the people involved I will never see again and probably never even noticed or recalled the event to the same extent that I have.

I tend to talk to myself all the time anyway so I will sometimes reenact the way I felt or what happened as though I am describing the event to another person.

I've come to accept that it is odd behaviour but it doesn't make me crazy.

Your considerations about repressed memories are interesting since I had lots of anxiety - often from an unidentified source - as a child. But the content of unpleasant memories or mental images seems so heterogeneous that it feels unlikely to that they would contain some deeper message. And they seem to be in line with how I feel (negatively) about actual social situations. Also, my unpleasant memories are probably not linked to early childhood (2-10) but to latter age and at that time my problems seem to have understandable causes. Mutterings seem to be too simplistic to start any sort of dialogue with them.

Ok, nice that you wrote some answers. So it seems this is more or less "normal" ...at least for people with neurological issues.

I'm not having so much problems with this issue though it's a kind of inconvenience (sudden bursts of aggression are much worse - but luckily also less frequent).

When I think about embarrassing things I think "this was in the past" and "at the time I didn't know any better" and "s**t happens" and "the past doesn't dictate who I am now", usually this makes me realize it's pointless to ponder on that stuff.

However there are some things that I get really aggressive about and that's not good.
That stuff needs to be dealt with appropriately.
I'm especially aware that one might think one is aggressive about one thing but in reality it's something else. It's more important to find out what is causing the aggressivion that getting rid of it somehow IMO.

So yeah, I have memories I get angry about, but it's something I don't understand.

If it is repressed memories, don't try to hard to recover them. You could run the risk of creating false memories instead.

Instead, just let whatever it is come out on its own.

Sounds like schizophrenia for sure, go find a psychiatrist that will diagnose you. If they refuse to give you the diagnosis find a competent one so that you can understand yourself.

There are so many big pharma psychs out there

I AM GLAD I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE!
I have this same exact problem. I will remember extremely embarrassing moments or imagine a hypothetical embarrassing situation and suddenly exclaim "KILL YOURSELF", "DIE" and "KILL EVERYONE!". I don't know why it happens but I can't control it, it just comes out

This has pretty much been my experience as well.