Waiting for the perfect man? Mr Second Best is better

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I hear a lot of single women justifying their chronic single status because they aren't finding Mr. Right - I wonder, is tha a common dilemma among over 30 single women?

For me, the jury's still out on whether settling for Mr. Second Best is a wonderful or terrible idea. On the one hand, deciding that Mr. Second Best is It is maybe the most romantic thing ever (by picking and deciding to love him, it is done and you get all the brain cells you'd be devoting to finding a partner back and can devote them to something more useful) or maybe the least (the opportunity cost of settling is that you may one day meet Mr. Right). Plus, author Lori Gotleib's advice that the key is to choose a guy when you're younger and make it work as the key to marriage and happiness is predicated on the kind of guy your 22 or 24 year old self picks being a guy that your 40 year old self will be happy with. My 22 year old self hadn't yet figured out that "really hot" with nothing else to back it up is only fun for about 3 months (and wouldn't for another 6-7 years), so the settling approach would not have worked for me.

There's also evidence to suggest that there's a dearth of marriageable men available to women like Ms. Gotleib. She's college educated and upper middle class and there are a whole lot more women like that than men according to this study:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk ... ind-dates/

The study also somewhat explains what many men, ones who are un or underemployed, on this forum complain about -- that women aren't interested in dating men who do not have stable, middle class jobs.

There are tons of non-college educated men who are single (and few non-college educated women) and tons of college-educated women who are single who won't give them a chance.

poetic justice?
I don't feel sorry for them they do it to themselves.

Why poetic justice? It's a statement of fact based on census data, not a value judgement. Plus, the author notes that mixed-collar marriages are on the rise.

The 4 women to every 3 men on college campuses also suggests that odds will favor the Aspies on this forum finding hookups and girlfriends at college!

But I am Master-graduated with a job and yet......

You know, you're right, I see this tendency too, the chronic single men are usually underachievers while I see encounter two types of chronic single women: Either good-looking but very overachievers career and education wise - or - very conventionally unattractive (ie. extreme obesity..etc).

At least this is what I see of the year-after-year active women on dating sites.

Or that anyone short of Mr Right is worse than staying single.

I don't think it depends on whether a guy has a college degree, but mostly on his attitude and ambition to succeed.

I think the guys who are chronically single have given up on life and stopped trying (or at least they give off that attitude when speaking to them). I know of a man who never graduated college and is dyslexic- yet, he never seems to have a problem finding romantic partners because they recognize that he is always hungry to better himself- and I think that is all that matters.

As to why women are chronically single- I have no idea. I know for me for a long while it is because I never wanted a partner and found it terribly annoying to have to call someone everyday and have them call me; check up on me. I needed my freedom.

Plus, I met "Mr. Right" several years ago- and trust me, there was nothing "Right" about him, but it took me a while to finally see that. Women should look for someone who is "Right for them" instead of "Mr. Right."

2/3 of all adult Americans are overweight or obese and 1/3 of them are extremely obese (BMI<30). So for those of us in the U.S., severe obesity alone does not necessarily kill your dating prospects.

Many dating sites do not remove (or allow users to permanently remove) their profiles from dating sites, so it is somewhat difficult to assess whether individuals are single year after year based solely on the existence of a profile.

Finally, as a woman with a graduate degree, I would also argue that not dating men without college degrees may be the result of not knowing any men (or women, for that matter) without college degrees. This isn't a snobby thing, nor an intentional one. My HS friends all went to college, I made friends in college and every job I've ever held has required a degree. I play softball in a rec league with colleagues and have been taking life drawing classes at a local art gallery for years. The end result is that my entire adult life has been spent in the company of the college-educated.

Americans, stop eating too much fast food.

In my area, obesity started to rise among kids since the American fast food chains were introduced.




I always filter the search to see only the recently active (like within 2 days). Believe me, most of the ladies I have dated from Okcupid like 2-3 years ago are still appearing "online" there.





That makes sense.

However, that last part alone doesn’t explain why a college-educated woman would lose all contact with former colleagues who failed to graduate

Because they take very different paths in life.

If househusband role becomes a more acceptable role, by both women and men, then this issue would be solved.

I had exactly 4 friends in HS, all of whom finished college. I literally do not know anybody who does not have a degree.

My college friend L is a senior partner at a law firm and travels a lot so her husband is presently a stay at home dad who happens to have a law degree.

Except most aspies don't go to college

They are evaluating men and deeming them unvaluable and worthless and in return they are left alone looking for mr perfect who doesn't exist. So karma , ironic or Poetic justice or what ever word meets the thing i dont know writing and word use isn't my thing Stuck up people getting their just deserts.



Except that fat people still want an demand thin people and see other fat people as digesting . Americans and people in general are hypocrites. I see this all the time on dating sites

I've pretty much given up just waiting till I give up completely so I can die

It's not really the college grad or degree they desire it's the supposive income that people assume come from the degrees.

Well I got a degree and I'm unemployed. There's a guy with a medical doctor degree managing the McDonald's down the street. Degree doesn't equal job or high income but people still assume it does. Do you think all those art degrees or protest degree people have jobs lol. Friend did energy management, well guess what there's only like 1/10 the jobs as grads for that degree.

Only going get worse as I get older and same for other worthless aspie men.

You are a statistical outlier. A degree makes a huge difference, according to new statistics just released jointly by the IRS and the Department of Education, that matched up IRS earnings data to higher education data on college graduates:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk ... e-schools/



There are taxi drivers with PhDs too. They're also statistical outliers. Looking strictly at the data, a degree is an excellent investment but isn't a magic wand. Mere possession of a degree does not guarantee a good job or high salary.



Well, the ones I know do. Both earned the liberal and fine arts degrees you disdain and took international consulting gigs out of undergrad, as the big firms pay off your student loans if you stay for two years.



Your friend is either an outlier or had the misfortune of graduating in an energy bust year.

Life may get worse for you but your inability to find work, with a degree, does not mean that degrees are worthless or that all Aspie men are worthless.

I think the best approach is don't create a pre-determined 'Mr. Right' in your head, then there is no settling for 'second best' just settling for whoever you hit it off with but doesn't really seem like settling in that case at least not to me. Also you wont potentially miss out on a good match because they don't match up to what your fantasy Mr. Right looks/acts like.