Social Skills Classes Are A Joke For Anyone Over 13

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Chances are if you were diagnosed in your childhood or teen years, you took some "social skills" classes. These social skills classes are a complete waste of time for anyone older then 13 and don't teach you anything that you already know. For one thing, they teach very obvious things such as how to talk to someone, how to say goodbye, etc... They teach you how to talk to someone like it's some kind of script. You walk up to someone and say "hi how are you?" Then proceed to ask questions back and forth. When in real life if you're really connecting with someone, you don't need a script, it just happens.


Maybe just maybe if they actually taught about useful things such as how to talk to girls you like, what someones body language is telling you etc... Things that are not clearly obvious. Things that even neurotypicals don't obviously get down.



Also all of these classes fail to teach you dating advice and that's the biggest thing that's missing. Most of us want a relationship but few of us can actually get into one. Trust me, you don't want dating advice from any of these so called "experts" either. Most of them are a bunch of middle aged women and I doubt they can give you much useful advice. If you want real dating advice, look up the thousands of dating articles online. If you have a brother who isn't a loser, get advice from him.

The best dating advice I can give you all is, if you give 0 f***s, 0 f***s you will get. Get it?






If I have to be put in another social skills class again, I won't even take it seriously at all. I will just pretend i'm stupid as f**k and when they ask me how do you say hello to someone? I will just say I Give Them The Middle Finger Because That Means Hello In My Country, Narnia!

I've had the same experience attending 'friend groups' as an adult.
The content was an insult to my intelligence.
The workbooks were primary school level.
At one point we had to walk around with cards held over the top of our heads with our thoughts written on them, then decide if we wanted to talk to someone based on reading their thoughts.
Uh, hello, that doesn't happen in real life!

I had more success at a self-compassion workshop that focused on meditation. Now that was chill. I socialised better than I normally do because I was more relaxed. Maybe something to think about?

You might try looking for classes on "human relations" instead of "social skills." That's what they call it when NTs need to learn it. Maybe "communication skills" too?

Wow, glad I didn't waste my kiddo's time or my money with these classes. Here's what I have found useful. Finding a couple of kids in their teens and having my son hang out with them one on one weekly. Then every month or every two months, trying to get them together...just 3-5, no more than that. It gives them all a chance to know each other and work through the issues in a bigger, but not overwhelming group.

By the way, some of the things I have my kiddo watch is watchwellcast videos on YouTube. Also, The Art of Manliness and How to Be a Grown Up on TruTV.

I was diagnosed at a young age and I wasn't in social skills classes at all, but I get the idea of where you're coming from. I remember getting this book (I forgot if I wanted to get it or my mom gave it to me) that I thought would help me with social skills, but it ended up being about stuff I already knew. It made me feel dumb just reading it. I don't understand why people automatically think autism= mental disability. Just because someone struggles socially doesn't mean their IQ is low.

I wish some actions of NTs were explained to aspies though. I think it would help me a lot with interacting with them.

I've found that the best social skills building thing I've done is working in restaurants. Even when I was a teenager working at Mcd's, I learned things from coworkers/managers. I've since worked ALL kinds of jobs, but am currently back in the service industry working at an upscale brewpub. It's not so much that I learn so many brand new social skills these days as it is that I realize when my ASD symptoms are rearing their ugly head when I make mistakes and get the sort of feedback from others that indicates such. Further, when I'm on my game and my ASD symptoms are well under control, I know it when my interactions with others are seamless intuitive and enjoyable for all parties. Working in very social environments, especially in ones managed by very successful people, has been far more valuable to me than ever attending a class like you described.

I could have used those classes well past the age of thirteen. It took me until my twenties to grasp the importance of reciprocal social conversation. I have a huge amount of social anxiety that probably stems from my earlier years.

I did not take any formal classes, but the instruction I got (around age 14) just made me sound like a robot who did not care and I got bullied FAR worse than I did before. I can only imagine what a waste of time it would be as an adult.

In my case, those were both dead ends and my brother is silver tonged with amazing social skills. The trick to to really focus on what's important and seek that out, regardless of how much rejection you get and give (a lot). My big success came from talking to actual successful married couples, both my own age and older who offered constructive advice, not meaningless BS like 'don't be desperate'.

I quess it depends what classes are that.

I never attended any formal social skills classes (I was not diagnosed as kid) but when I entered small, paid high school the first thing they did for all students in my class was an "integration trip". And there were some extracurricular lessons during it. One of them was a social skill lesson but we had no idea they are doing it to us.

They diverted us in 2 groups and sent one half of us to wait outside the room.

Then told the rest of us that once our classmates are back and start talking to us we should smile, nod, make eye contact, ask questions and do anything we can to show them we are interested in what they are talking about.

Then they invited the other group, split them randomly so everyone got a partner from our group and told them to introduce and say a bit about themselves.

My partner started talking. I was nodding and smiling and asking questions and the discussion was going fluently - I was surprised! I could make small talk without much problems although I was not saying almost anything!

Then they made us leave while our partners stayed in the room. After a while they invited us back, told us to return to our partners and introduce ourselves like they did before. We had no idea what the other group was told when we were gone.

I started talking. My name is... I am interested in... etc. But for some reason my partner which I had so much fun talking before was absolutely untalkative all of sudden. I had no idea what is going on. She never asked any question and she never smiled or noded. Nothing at all. She was not even looking at me. I started complaining "Hey, you are doing it wrong. You were supposed to smile, make eye contact, ask questions etc." but even that got no answer.
After a while I figured there is no point in talking anymore and I got mute.

Soon after they explained us that our group was told to use "open" body language and the other group was using "closed" body language and the point of the lesson was teaching us how our body language affects other people.

It was useful lesson to me. I started using "open" body language more and avoided using "closed" body language after that because I realized how much easier is to talk with people when I do so. It was the time when I started making sure I have smile on my face during every social interaction.

I was 16 at that time.

I have noticed the same trend for my son who is also on the autism spectrum. Most of the therapies involved are the same repeating things. Just because though you do catch on and take on well to the classes does not mean others do.

Remember most people especially politicians view autistic people as all non verbal, or fools which we all know is not true. I think this is an area where programs need to expand but I highly doubt any federal program will teach you how to date in the neurotypical world.

If anything this area which you mentioned could be cut and used to teach other skills and help out with adults on the autism spectrum.

I am not sure if you are on the spectrum yourself or your talking on the part of a parent on the autism spectrum.

If your a parent my response to you would be to have patience and everything taught in these programs are benefital as navigating in a world where we think in terms of logic is very different from the grey of the nerotypical world.

I was diagnosed at 43, so social skills classes were pretty much a non-thing when I was a kid (at least I hadn't heard of them then). I'm a lot more polished after years of trial and error now, although I do occasionally fumble things - especially when it comes to knowing how to act in response to social hierarchies.

Looking back, I'd have to say that I was mostly clueless until probably my late 20s. I can handle myself decently in most social situations today, but I think some kind of class would have been helpful for me as a teen. Not something like the poster described with thought bubbles, necessarily, but some practical guidance on navigating interactions, particularly with the opposite sex.

I still get that "you don't have a clue, do you?" look now and then, but I'm married now and have nobody to impress.

Yeah I doubt it would be much help now, it's just kind of a desperate longing for something that would. Maybe it would of made things better as a kid, I dunno. I essentially have had no treatment or anything like that, I was suppose to go to this one specialized high school but my school district put the kibosh on that and basically just passed me thru high school without ever attending. I graduated on time but socially it's crippling, I just don't have experience with people and its something that will always bug me that maybe that could of been different of my cheap ass school district wasn't so desperate to hold on to the money that gets allocated to me. If they spend 30k per student every year then why can't they pay a fraction of that to send a kid to a private school that better fits their needs?

I want help now, I dunno, it just seems too late. I wish I was 10 years younger, maybe things could of been different.

I was diagnosed as a kid but never took social skills classes, nothing like that was offered in the small rural town that I lived in.

seems like the classes you are describing want to teach us to fake it, blend in, don't make other people feel uncomfortable no matter how uncomfortable it makes you, etc.
sounds lame lol.

I think I learned enough about social interaction just by being put in day care, public school, gymnastics, soccer, things like that.

But I have been in a behavior skills class in my late teens. it was a group class and the instructor patronized us in a subtle way that he probably wasn't even aware of himself. it made it difficult to appreciate any skills he was trying to teach us. plus idk about other people but most of the methods that were taught were stupid, probably invented by psychoanalysts who haven't experienced issues with behavior themselves. and stuff that wouldn't be hard to figure out on my own either haha

For developing relationship/social skills, I've found open AA and Al-Anon meetings extremely useful. It's a program built on bettering your relationships and relating to others. Also, it forces me to listen for extended periods of time to others and their lives. Again, something not an innate strength given my autism. Works for me, not sure if it does/would work for others, but a great alternative to try.

I'm in a social skills group right now, and our last two sessions have been about reading body langauge. It runs every semester, so I've done it for a while, and dating is another topic about which we talk extensively. We also discuss how to meet people and have conversations, but I find such lessons helpful because I still have trouble with that sort of thing. Scripting is a good place to start, and once you get the hang of it, you can branch out and be more spontaneous, but I'd never be able to talk to anyone new at all if I didn't start out by relying on scripting. I think it's a generalization to say all social skills classes are useless for those over thirteen.

Also concerning the dating thing, that social skills group is where I met my first (current) boyfriend. We get along great because we're both on the spectrum and understand each other well.

I hear you.

Realize that these "professionals" are just makin their money off you. Or your parents. Sady.
Neurotypicals really don't care about helping or curing you. Not that they could. That's just the dogma they're fed by their system.

Sounds like you need to get a "wing man" , and go hunt for pu ssy.
Nothing wrong with that. I'd help you out if I were near you.

Learn on your own. It's the best way to do it. The most organic way. Organic is best.

Wish you the best.