Are male Aspies at an disadvantage?

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To analyze this issue I used 36,000 answers to Aspie Quiz from 2008 and 2009 to if people where in a relationship. I think the answer is no, they aren't. Instead, in the age group 25-30 years old male NDs are more at an disadvantage than female NDs, but in the age group 50 years and older the reverse is the case. In between both genders lags behind the US average to a similar degree. Diagnosed AS males have worse results than male NDs between 25 and 40, and diagnosed AS females have worse results than female NDs over 30 years of age. Generally, diagnosis is a good predictor of being single, but it is not inevitable as some claim. Being ND also predicts a higher chance of being single, but the link is weak and instead it seems like male NDs are "late bloomers" while it is more common for female NDs to get into dysfunctional relationships that end in late break-ups.

Certainly.

Maybe female ND get into relationships younger, then when they're older they are frustrated and less desirable, while male ND don't get into relationships early. But in their 50s they are still there, willing to be taken, whereas most others are in a relationship. So they can easier get a partner due to lack of options. /e: Physical appearance tends to matter less too with age, for both genders.

Men don't deal with a biological clock the same way as women do, it's just biology. Young women in general carry value that elevates them above young men but that starts going away around age 30 and eventually reverses itself. Men are pretty disposable from a biological standpoint, our sexes don't lend itself to a 50/50 ratio since one man can do the job of 100 men if he had to and he'd probably be happy to do it. Most men over the course of history don't reproduce whereas that vast majority of women do, our DNA comes from twice as many women as it does men to give some idea.

I've uploaded the diagrams. The first one compares the US average with the ND group, and the second one the ND group with the diagnosed group. There are 95% confidence interval bars to show what is significant.

Link: http://www.rdos.net/eng/relation.pdf

Exactly. This trend is evident for both NTs and NDs. So it is not just Aspie men that are less likely to be in a relationship before 30, that's a trend that goes for all men. And because it takes two to be in a relationship, women after 40-50 will be less likely to be in a relationship than men. That's also why the man is typically older than the woman in a relationship.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!

Why being an aspie male hinders your chances of dating.


1. Most of us arne't physically attractive

2. Most of us have s**t clothes selection

3. Most of us are nerdy

4. Most of us do not conform to neurotypical standards.

5. Many of us are shy especially around women

6. We may come off as special or autistic

7. We really have no idea how to talk to women

8. Some of us don't even want a gf

9. Many of us are overweight

10. Many of us don't drive

11. Many of us are unemployed

12. We're just odd and different.



All of this is pretty sad since many of us want a gf but because we were born autistic, it just makes it THAT much harder to find love, especially if all you want is a pretty girlfriend.

Most young pretty girls are stuck up and snobby and coudn't possibly find a guy like us attractive. It's the cold truth. You're not going to be dating a popular preppy blonde anytime soon. And honestly, you don't even want to.

Trust me, I know probably 40+ autistic males? I would assume most of them have never had a girlfriends and the ones I do know who have been in relationships, it's been with other nerdy girls who arne't the most physically attractive in the world. So yeah if you're autistic, then it's best to lower your standards a bit or you might be single for a while.

And I think this one dude is right. When you're a young woman say in your teens, 20s, and 30s, women will be more valuable because younger women are always more valuable. But once women reach a certain age where their beauty begins to fade, then all of a sudden, men are more valuable.

Women tend to peak at a younger age beauty and value wise and men tend to peak later. Older men always have more value then older women.

So for all of you young men who complain about women having it easier, you're right. However once women reach their 40s or 50s and you're the same age, all of a sudden, you will have it easier. Because womens value goes down when she loses her beauty.

Why wait? Go hit up some cougars now. ^^
I bet plenty would have sex with you even if you look below average.
Just don't get STD's.

Might help if people got it out of their head they have to date someone 'normal'...or 10x more attractive than they perceive themselves to be.

Very scary but true findings.

No wonder why I am AS dateless virgin at 24. Such guilt.

That's a biased sample set. People not in relationships were far more likely to complete it than those who were coupled up.

Interesting. I think young male Aspies have a tougher time because they may not know how to ask a girl out, how to talk to girls, etc. However, when they are much older, women in their age group are usually more willing to be the ones asking men they like out, therefore, Aspie males have a higher chance of being in a relationship.

A key factor to consider is the fact that until about 20 years ago there was not really much known by the common public about Aspergers. I don't think anyone knew what "neurodiverse/neurotypical" even meant. I don't even think Aspergers was an official diagnosis until the early 90's.

There was also much more of a stigma attached to even pursuing a mental health diagnosis at that time. For anything.

So that skews any stats on the matter for persons over 30. Even more so for people closer to or over 40. Most of the people in that age group on the spectrum don't know it and don't care to. They would likely deny it if you brought the idea up to them. People my age who may be AS were not afforded any special treatment, given any extra attention or guidance. They were simply outcasted and had to learn to struggle to find a place on their own. That includes finding relationships.

So the sample size of that age groups is so much smaller a representation of the whole than the younger demographic. People over 30 who have relatively normal functioning lives would have no motivation to seek a diagnosis.

I believe aspie women likely have certain disadvantages men do not. They probably are more prone to being taken advantage of in the dating context, and may find themselves the victims of date rape far more often than their NT counterparts. Probably end up in more abusive relationships too. While I have no data to support this claim, logically it makes alot of sense to me.

Women by nature have it "easier" in the dating scene. Even though things have changed dramatically in the last few generations, the onus is still on men to be the ones who initiate contact. A woman can be a little awkward, shy, introverted and probably still have interest if they put themselves out there.

Therefore an aspie woman is far more likely than an aspie male to be approached by someone with some interest in them. The problem with that comes in where predatory men are very adept at sensing naivety. They often prey on shy women who appear lonely or desperate. An aspie girl will likely not have the capacity to discern this as readily as a NT girl who may sense something is up with this guy, the aspie may not know what to think just happy to have someone show interest. They then may be more prone to put themselves in a situation where a man can take advantage of them. Then date rape happens. Or they open themselves up to a manipulative abusive relationship because they don't have the full capacity to understand motives or what's "normal" and may not have a group of people around them to tell them it's not. Being naive and inexperienced the abuse continues.

So while aspie women may have more "success" with the opposite sex that may not be a good thing for many of them. I would speculate they have far more disastrous outcomes from their romantic/sexual encounters. The biggest problem for men is not having any. Which sucks, but not nearly as bad as being raped or abused.

How does that affect the results? Most of the people that participated and got the "very likely Aspie" judgement didn't have a professional diagnosis, and many of them might not have known anything about AS or neurodiversity. So I'd say not knowing anything about AS was the majority position for participants classified as ND.



Doesn't matter. Even if people don't know about being NDs, these traits still cause the same problems.



Most people doing Aspie Quiz are not seeking a diagnosis. People mostly do it for fun or curiosity.



That's right, and I have such data too. It's much more common for ND females to have a history of abuse than for NT females.



That's probably what we see for ND women (note: NDs and not diagnosed AS) too. There is obviously a quite high rate of them leaving relationships in their 30s and later, which I think might be due to being abused or mistreated.

To RDOS in response (don't want to make the response super long and unreadable, nor do i know how to break up the quotes like you did to go point by point. But:

I believe my first point affects the results because of the fact that many people of that demographic who were able to successfully assimilate would not even be the slightest curious about anything related to autism because they have no reason to think anything is "wrong" with them. This would exclude a large portion of that population who have been "successful" in relationships. Relationship failure or lack of any relationships would cause someone, I believe, more emotional disturbance than many other factors. This would lead individuals into searching. Those who are mostly satisfied don't search for answers to a problem that doesn't exist. They would not be participating. This would then tie into point #3 here as individuals meeting this description would not be looking at or taking Aspie Quiz.

To point 2, I think that it does matter. While being diagnosed, whether professionally or self-diagnosed causes some people to use it as a crutch for their issues. Not all people, but many. This leads to self-fulfilling prophecy "who would be interested in me when I am (austic, aspergers, ND whatever term you want to use)". This causes them to have even less self esteem and be less confident around others. It may also have th opposite effect and create a superiority issue. As we know from this site, many aspies suffer from this superiority issue. This would create issues in the dating world. Now if these same people, with the same issues, are left without that knowledge, I believe they would be more able to force themselves through the anxieties, discomforts and uncertainties associated with dating out of ignorance or not having another choice. Again this is not to slander anyone, but I believe it to be true for many based on human nature. Give someone a way out of discomfort and they will often take it. This is opinion and really cannot be supported by fact in either direction.

#3 I understand it's not a diagnostic tool of any kind. However, someone taking the quiz without some diagnosis would normally be seeking some sort of answers as to why they have had so many difficulties. If a person had no such crisis they would likely not be taking such a quiz at all. Again, my opinion.

#4 That is interesting. Intuitively it makes sense and to know there is data to support is somewhat validating to the idea. However, as with any data of this nature, I always have to be fair and question the source (and source's motivation) and tabulating methods. However it would not seem like there would be a ton of motive to misreport or cherry pick data and/or participants for this cause.