My intuition is causing problems in my relationship.

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I have a mother with very strong intuition that has proven to be accurate on many occasions. She taught me this is what guides you through life when "rationalizing" isn't possible. But, her accuracy does not apply to me. The intuition I have seems broken. And, because of this my relationships─including my current─have suffered.

A few of the things my "intuition" has made of mess of.

• False accusations. (Cheating or lying.)
• Doubting their love and attraction for me.

Both of these things I've listed have gone to extremes. It's starting back up with my current relationship and I don't want to destroy this one. I'd drop using my intuition all together but it has lead me away from danger in the past. How can I distinguish accurate intuition and false intuition?

Maybe if your intuition tells you something is wrong you should then look for real proof. My mother is also good at intuition, and I am not. Intuition seems to me to be a subconscious cataloging of external clues (body language, facial expressions, etc.) that we as Aspies are unequipped to do.

Sometimes you can't. In the case of cheating that you described I have also struggled. What I have found is that if I am aware of my intuition, but don't "pursue" it, it either dies off or something happens that is concrete. In the mean time this can prove very difficult. However, waiting for the death of the suspicion or an actual event is better than losing someone very special to me or, at the very minimum, greatly damaging our relationship.

If my suspicion/intuition is extremely strong and unbearable, and I must address it, I try to be kind and loving. I say something to the effect of "I'm human and not perfect. The fact that when you are upset you go for long drives for an hour or two invokes fear and anger in me which are my issues. I'm sorry for that. If you need to go for drives when xyz happens, can you think of a way to help me handle my issues? I know it's not your responsibility, but I'd appreciate you thinking about it. Thank you."

Or something like that. Communicate the same message. I might even get resistance or negative feedback. However, it's not nearly the bomb I drop when I angrily ask "Where have you been? Are you cheating on me? What's going on?"

That's what is working for me

It sounds like what you can't distinguish between is when your intuition is trying to tell you something and when your insecurity is what's doing the talking. Often we suspect others that aren't behaving in a way that would make us doubt their trustworthiness because we are insecure about our own worth in a relationship, either because of being cheated on in the past or just because of general lack of self-esteem. I would suggest finding a good therapist to help you sort out those internal messages so you can distinguish between the instinctive warning voice and the voice of negativity/low self-esteem. The instinctive voice does have value (sending up red flags when you are around people who are potentially dangerous so you can keep yourself safe) but insecurity will only interfere and cloud the messages that might actually benefit you. It is worth learning how to sort out the two from each other.