Workplace infatuation

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I have become infatuated with a co-worker.  She is nearly half my age, beautiful and married to another co-worker.  I would just deal with it and get on with my life except she seems to be infatuated with me.  She got our supervisor to move my workstation next to her's.  When her husband drops her off at work (he works at a different facility) she often asks me to give her a ride home at the end of the day although she lives near enough to walk.  She occasionally asks me to take a walk with her just to get out of the office for a few minutes.

I would normally assume she was just friendly, but I am similar enough to her husband in many features (including age) that I suspect I am a type that appeals to her.  Our personalities mesh well.  We both enjoy lightly sarcastic bickering and frequently argue playfully throughout the day.  She often asks my advice about work and life which stokes my stupid ego.

To add to the frustration, I have never had an intimate relationship in my life.  I have been infatuated with a number of women and many other women have told me they wanted to be with me, but my infatuation has never synced up with a woman's.  If I was attracted, she was not, and vice versa.

So now that it seems that a woman is strongly attracted to me and I am strongly attracted to her, it is very hard to deal with the temptation to do something about it.  I think about her far too much.  I want to talk to friends about her.  I fantasize about the relationship we could have and for the first time in my life, I almost believe a woman I am attracted to might want to have sex with me.  But to have an affair would be unethical and would almost certainly lose me my job.

Neither of us have done anything to cross the line.  It is possible she is just very friendly and I am completely mistaken about her attitude.  And I have behaved respectfully.  I will have playful conversations with her, but I avoid getting too personal.  I'm not a "touchy-feely" person and easily avoid physical contact with her.  Apart from leaving work together when I drive her home or the occasional walks, there is nothing in our interactions that would bother others.

I guess what I am looking for is this: how do I maintain a good working relationship with her while putting a stop to this infatuation?

How do I stop myself from wanting to take this further?

How do I move on with my life without feeling like I was hit by a car full of emotions?

I think it would be best to continue how you've been with her, just friendly. don't mention anything about your infatuation with her unless she makes a move first, in which case be honest with her...because who knows what her and her husbands relationship is like, and you may actually have a chance. but of course that would be a lucky situation for you lol, so don't get your hopes up or anything. I don't think you should give up on her though, just be patient and maintain your friendship, you guys seem very compatible as friends anyway, so try to remember how lucky you are already that you have her as a friend.

nvm

You enjoy spending time with her and she does with you. I say carry on as normal, but if you really want to see if she likes you in "that way" throw yourself into some 'accidental' situations where she would be tempted to act.

Do not initiate anything yourself, always restrain the situation enough that you can deny that there was anything suggestive about it, but keep setting things up for her to break.

One good way to test waters, and get her feeling more physically closer to you (if she isn't already) is to start friendly touching. Just like putting you hands on her shoulders, holding her arm to get attention while talking to her and standing so close behind her to tell her something quietly, that your bodies meet.

If she instinctively "pulls away" you have a clear signal that she doesn't see you in that way and it was innapropriate, and if she allows/perpetuates it you have the answer that you want.

And my strong opinion is that you just go right in there and grab this opportunity for MUTUAL happiness while its still available. Happiness and love is what life is all about and if you let this slip by its very likely you'll be regretting it for the rest of your life.

Dont give a thought for the other guy. Morality is relative. NT guy will get over it and find someone else in a heartbeat, an opportunity like this is harder to come by for an aspie. Even if you and coworker have an amorous relationship lasting just a few days and destroy that marriage forever. STILL WORTH IT

You will inevitably have to detach from her, completely, if you want your emotions/feelings/desires for her to subside, and, for everything to normalize for you/your mind/heart/job, et al.

You can't help the way you feel, or, how your emotions evolve, as emotions are provoked by various stimuli. I believe, the sooner you pull yourself out of the situation, the easier and less complicated it will be, to emotionally detach from your friend/colleague. And, now, I shall go act on my own words, as I am having a massive epiphany.

I hope all the best for you -

Give it some time and don't do anything hasty.

Spend as little time with her as possible. Make up an excuse to get your desk moved someplace else. Don't see her socially or accept rides from her ever.

She's married and thus unavailable until she is legally separated.

Let. It. Go.

IMHO,
If she has some feelings for you she would never have the supervisor to move your workstation next to hers. You are someone who she feels very safe,comfortable to be around. As you've acted as being quoted

" And I have behaved respectfully. I will have playful conversations with her, but I avoid getting too personal. I'm not a "touchy-feely" person and easily avoid physical contact with her. Apart from leaving work together when I drive her home or the occasional walks, there is nothing in our interactions that would bother others."

Wow, ok. Felt like I was reading my own story. The difference would be, that she is a bit younger than me. But the same is, she is married, have a child and is happily married (from what I gather).

She sits next to me and she prefers it. We have this unspoken bond. Perhaps bond is the wrong word. I guess we both feel like we tip toe around each other.

But I could be imagining things.

So what I have been doing is to basically try and find someone like her. Someone with the same personality and looks. I wouldn't say clone. So my last date with someone (which only lasted 2 dates). My colleague picked up on this. That I said, my date was confident and know what she wanted and was direct with me. To which my colleague replied: "Like me?" And so the conversation went on and one... "Like me?"... So I guess the cat is out of the bag. She wanted to move office, but this came from before I talked about my date.

This of course is upsetting to me, because I will miss her (and if I am being honest, I am in love in some weird way, maybe infatuated, I'm not sure). But because I do care about her and swallow my pride. I wished her well and hope she finds the job she is looking for.

So all I can do is to wait for this to play out. Or maybe she isn't going to move because I wished her well. You know, because it was maybe a test from her to see how much I wanted her.

All I can do is to keep my head high and to go on more dates. They don't come easy though.

I think a great deal of my frustration with this situation is that I know myself well enough to know I won't pursue anything. The temptation is great and I might indulge in a bit of light flirting, but an affair would not be ethically appropriate. (Despite what some people think, her husband would be badly hurt)

Actually the last time a woman said she wanted to have an affair with me, I quickly headed in the opposite direction since I knew I would be the next guy she would cheat on.

Anyway, the question isn't should I or shouldn't I, but how do I cope?

One thing I am doing is I set up an OK Cupid account. I'm not sure if I even want to date anyone, but it helps to explore the possibility of women who are unattached and probably more compatible with my personality. It's certainly not ideal, but it might help to diffuse my attraction and redirect it to more appropriate women.

While I can't keep my emotions completely in control, I have been able to stop myself from saying or doing anything really stupid. It would be a good idea to politely decline going for walks or driving her home as often. I'm not sure there is a polite way to get my workstation moved (unless I get the supervisor to play the bad guy and make me move.)

Anyway, I really appreciate the feed back on this issue. It has helped me to sort out some of my thoughts on the issue.