do you enjoy being with other people?

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ZombieBrideXD
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26 Nov 2015, 12:51 am

ive been seeing my psychologist again and i learned something about neurotypicals; they enjoy being around other. and i dont mean they feel joy around other people, i mean the feeling of being with another human being relaxes and feels GOOD. remarkable.

i have always known i dont like being with other people, i mean, i have friends and i enjoy being with them but i dont ENJOY the person i enjoy the situation, (movies, video games, roleplaying, boardgames) and i do think the presents of another person enhances the experience, i have friends, i enjoy them and i love them, but when it comes to expressing affection; hugging, kissing, holding, cuddling. i dont like it. i mean i can tolerate it to an extent but i dont get JOY from it like neurotypicals do. I always known i dont like it i just didnt Know that Neurotypicals ENJOY HUGGING AND STUFF?!

at first i didnt believe it, so i did some research, when i was cuddling with this guy, i listened to his heart, it was slow, he was very calm, i told him to listen to my heart, he said it was going VERY VERY fast, because i was anxious. and i thought i was relaxed when i hugged people..until i tried deep pressure therapy, i had my dog lay on me and i hugged her, OH MY GOD. THE DOPAMINE AND THE FEELING WAS FANTASTIC. i felt so calm and so happy. and the fact that i dont feel this way with people kinda bothers me... i dont even feel that way when i hug my dad and hes the person i feel the most comfterble with.

anyone else feel this way?


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Jozie
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26 Nov 2015, 1:55 am

Yep, I can really relate to that. When I'm with people, even if I like them a lot, I'm really just waiting for the opportunity to get away. When I did meet someone that I was less desperate to get away from because he did all the talking which took a lot of pressure off me, I thought that meant I loved him and moved in with him with disastrous results. I was always in trouble because he thought I was mad at him because I wasn't communicating enough or I wasn't affectionate enough. The only person that I'm comfortable being affectionate with is my 6 year old son I think because hes still a baby to me, still part of me but with my 12 year old its much harder, I do feel awkward with him, I still try to be affectionate and loving because its important to get love from ya mum but its hard because I'm starting to feel alien from him.



ASPartOfMe
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26 Nov 2015, 8:08 am

I just want to get away after awhile, even with people I like, if I don't them I want to get away immediately.,


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CKhermit
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26 Nov 2015, 8:20 am

I can only hug or cuddle with my dog. With humans I feel trapped in the encounter and am just looking for the opportunity to get away. Now I can be in a social situation with a friend and I usually choose to end the gathering but am not saddened when they do first. So yes I have anxiety by hugging, hand shakes, and well most human contact of any kind including phone calls.



goatfish57
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26 Nov 2015, 9:53 am

Thanks, excellent subject for a post. The holidays are a stressful time for me. Family gatherings and phone calls are a bit overwhelming.

As others have mentioned, activities are enjoyable. But, the social component causes me to withdraw.

Being part of a crowd is less stressful when I feel I have some control over the situation. Stuck in a never ending line, encountering a close talker or being unable to escape make me uncomfortable.


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MoonUnitPatrol
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26 Nov 2015, 11:01 am

Besides spending time with my best friend (who happens to be my ex-girlfriend), I do not spend time with anyone.

Overall, it generally makes me uncomfortable at a certain point; for example, going to a family event-- I can only deal with it for 2-hours, max.

As far as touch/feelings/affection: I am a very affectionate person and have no problem expressing this to a girlfriend. I love holding hands, kissing, etc.

I do not like, though, being surrounded by hordes of Neuro-typicals. It makes me very uncomfortable and I generally refuse to act in a manner they require. Our society is run by them and that tells me a lot - Their values are not mine and the wave-lengths our brains operate on are completely different.


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FizzyOrange
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26 Nov 2015, 12:01 pm

No. It causes a lot of anxiety for me. I can only tolerate it and only in short amount. I enjoy some conversation depending on topics. As far as friends, it depends on how we are spending our time together. Like a friend took me shopping once, and that was fine for a while. Or she comes to my house, and I enjoy that for a while as well. A lot of my enjoyment revolves around the setting and the person and the amount of people. Oh, and time.

I'd like to add that I don't talk to many people or have many friends.



zkydz
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26 Nov 2015, 12:03 pm

I really don't like being around people. As mentioned before, I love my wife, but even her presence grates on my nerves after a while. She's not doing anything bad or bothersome most times. I just don't like being around people.

I can tolerate and even miss a few individuals, but I have a difficult time being with people.

I used to think I was becoming agoraphobic until I realized I like open spaces, but I can't stand people. If it was 150 years or so back, I would have definitely been a mountain man type of person.

What's worse is when I am with those few people, everything I have ever thought of saying to them while not together, just disappears in a fog when I am with them.


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Basso53
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26 Nov 2015, 12:04 pm

Most of the time, yes, if it's with people that I have something in common with. I actually enjoy the company of my work colleagues. I sing in a couple of local chorales, and I enjoy that, too. Group bike rides with my own club are fine, too, but I'm really leery about riding with a group that I've never met before. I still get the first time jitters with new groups, no matter what type.


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League_Girl
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26 Nov 2015, 1:53 pm

I do enjoy being around other people. I don't like the stuff you described like the hugging and kissing. I just like being around them. I like it when family comes over for the holidays because I get to see them and I can't imagine not ever seeing my family and I enjoy going to my autism group and I make my own fun if I go to any group. I don't worry about what others might think of me and I don't even think about talking or try and have a conversation with others. My husband likes to be alone, I like to be alone so we are not always together in the same room so it works for the both of us. I think if I was with a normla guy, he might be too needy for me because he would always want my company and me interacting with him and it would be too much. I don't mind having my kids around, I love having them in the same room as me. I think just as long as I am in control of my own environment, people don't bother me. They are just there. I can be in the same room with my husband all day long doing my own thing while he is doing his. That is what we did all the time in our apartment until he moved into our bedroom. Now he is always in the basement where his room is.


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Hyperborean
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26 Nov 2015, 2:16 pm

The neurotypical 'herding instinct' isn't something I've ever been able to relate to. I'm fine with a few like-minded people, particularly Aspergians, but get increasingly uncomfortable once the noise, proximity and chit-chat level increases. It's very difficult to strike a balance between solitude and a bearable amount of social interaction.



Catlover5
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26 Nov 2015, 2:18 pm

When I want to be, yes. When I want time to myself, I want time to myself.



Kirstie04
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26 Nov 2015, 2:53 pm

I very much like my own company, I like to do things on my own. If I do spend time with a friend it is to do something I want to do, we will be engaged in a activity. I do not 'get' the natural want or need to spend time with others. I have learnt a bit about what is required in being a friend for example. I only have a few friends but I've put a huge effort into maintaining them and I've learnt that whether I feel I want to or not, I should aim to not leave more than a month before meeting up, the other no more than 2/3 weeks and the other seems more like a few months.
Most of the time I'm a 'lone ranger' but if I am around others, I much prefer it just being my parent's and maybe my sister because I can just 'be me' and don't have to worry so much about how I'm interacting (or not) with them.



TheAP
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26 Nov 2015, 5:43 pm

Sometimes I like being with other people, but most of the time, I just want time to myself. Even with friends, I often don't want to spend time with them and want to be by myself. In theory, I want someone to spend time with all the time, but in practice, I get easily annoyed and stressed by having to be on guard all the time. I feel like I can't stim or get lost in my thoughts around other people, because they'll ask me what's wrong or what I'm thinking, and I feel pressured to socialize with them all the time when I don't want to.



nikkiDT
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26 Nov 2015, 5:46 pm

Most of the time, I'm either alone or with my cat. I enjoy things that way usually. I enjoy being with my family and friends, but after a few hours, I wanna be alone again.



JakeASD
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26 Nov 2015, 5:59 pm

I personally hate being around others. The magnitude of my hatred and discomfort is so great that I have even attempted suicide in the past. Neuri-typicals don't understand how difficult 'simple' reciprocation can be for someone who is autistic.


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