sensory overload on a stick (eating out)

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I took our family out to dinner last night....didn't feel like cooking, didn't want to bring take-out home and clean up the mess.........i just wanted to sit and be waited on~selfish, i guess..............at any rate, it wasn't the biggest disaster. the pizza place was quiet at first albeit crowded. by the time we got our food, a rather large and noisy group came in and sat right next to us even though there were plenty of other seats.
hubby starts to get agitated. son starts to get agitated. daughter starts to cry and say her stomach hurts.both hubby and son start muttering about why the other table has to be so loud. hubby quickly gets himself together and tells me that he needs to go out to the car...son and daughter join him. this leaves me at the table with NT son. NT son quickly finishes eating and goes out to the car also. so now i sit there and wait for the waitress to come back so the pizza can get wrapped up and so i can pay and leave.
15 minutes go by before i can even get her attention....and my nerves are shot because i know i now have a car-full of stimming aspies.
sometimes i just want to be able to go out and have dinner without all the problems and drama.........and i know my aspies feel this way also....so terribly frustrating.

ster, sometimes it may be necessary for you and your NT son to go out just by yourselves. Cor and I have been told that this is necessary by Z's Psychologist. This allows us a little down time, of course our main topic is the kids but we do wander to other topics. Allow yourself and your NT son some NT time. You might even consider a weekend outing together. From whatn I've read in your posts but all of us need time to regroup.

Wow, that sounds pretty frustrating. I am an aspie too and I avoid 'eating in public' because of the kinds of problems that you experienced.

I also get frustrated when I am on public transport and people come to sit near me and are really loud or anti-socially behaved.

I have tried making complaints to the relevant organisations telling them that they need to have better provision in place for people with disabilities - but they tend to 'fob me off' because they seem incapable of taking ASDs seriously as disabilities (despite the fact that here in the UK it meets the legal definition of a disability) and tend to think that if it's not physical, it doesn't count.

What I am trying to do now is to say to a member of staff "I have a disability and those people are upsetting and intimidating me. Please can I either be moved to a quieter location or could you make the other people move as they are behaving unreasonably and as a disabled person I have a legal right not to be put in a distressing situation."

Or words to that effect...

It seems to be helping, over time, but ultimately it is a case of changing people's attitude and also getting people to behave better and in a more considerate way - if they did this, far fewer aspies would be upset and distressed in the first place!

WARNING: NT RANT

Ster - I had to laugh out loud at the visual picture you painted. I know what you mean. I've been there at the table alone, surrounded by boisterous groups chatting and laughing, clinking glasses and scraping silverware - waiting for the check, relieved that they got out in time but feeling saddened and lonely being in this position yet again. I'll never know how it feels to be so overwhelmed with stimulation that I have to flee the scene as if my life is in jeopardy but at the same time, I'm angry that every little thing is so hard. Frustrating is an understatement!

Now we choose our restaurants very carefully and eat with the early birds when it's quieter - then we get to be the loud table.

I know exactly how you feel!! How old are your kids? I don't know about you but I am finding it is getting harder as my son gets older (he's 10) because he is more aware of things and is much more verbal about things and can express himself better. As we all know, our kids do not hold back on expressing exactly what they are thinking I've found that what works for us is something to keep him distracted and busy such as a gameboy or a notebook for drawing etc. hang in there!! !!

I know exactly where you are coming from! This weekend we went for a drive to a wildlife refuge my dd loves to visit. There is a nice restuarant close to it that she loves to eat at. We go in, as luck has it we are seated by this table where these people just keep getting louder. DD gets up goes to the restroom walks around at front of resturant looking at stuff then tries to come back. They just get louder and laughing hystericaly, I mean it was annoying to me and I am NT. DD was almost in tears left table at least half a doxen times, even went outside and paced back and forth. I wanted to tell the lady "will you SHUT UP! "Finaly they left right before our food got there.

DD was able to calm down, but was still stimming, hands going about 90mphs. She is appolgizing to me, I told her no it's not her fault, and that they were just out right rude. You would think people would notice and think maybe I am bothering someone else.

Anyway hang in there, you are not alone!

Doesn't anyone here know how to do the Aspie-stare to get rid of loud people?

Just like that. It's fairly discomforting and people will probably get out of your way soon enough. that's how I get rid of people on cell phones in bookstores and check out lines.

Ster-I was the one that was always left behind to pay the waitress while husband and son waited outside or in car. though it usually wasn't other people that set off Pop, but whatever discomfort he had being there. Generally he eats really fast and wants to leave right away. He has gotten a lot better and we don't have those crazy moments anymore. Probably for a year and a half now.
We do only go out to places that we all like, but it gets boring. Two Mexican restaurants, Taco Bell, one diner are the places here in town. it's always been Mexican and pancake places. No Italian, no more family restaurants (Chili's, Applebees, et al), nothing "nice" and no Asian food. (or any other ethnic food)

I have given up on trying to take my family out to eat - less due to my son with AS than my wife who can't stand anyone remotely loud near us and complains throughout the meal making us all miserable. We just do take out these days with a VERY occaisonal meal out.

My suggestion - stick to the takeout, eat it in the back of your pickup or SUV if you have one sometimes, a picnic or bring it home at other times.

ok, sweetie.... i know you do the aspie-stare when i'm not around
to all the rest who've responded~thanks so much for helping me not feel like i'm the only one out there with these issues....sometimes it's hard to not feel like you're the only one who has to eat at quiet restaurants during the early bird hours...or who has to go on vacation during the off-season because places are less crowded.
The ages of my family are btw: me~37, hubby *gasp* almost 40 LOL!! !! !! !, son~15, NT son~12, ADHD daughter (?)~8

thank god my son has reached the age (10) that he can stay home while we sneak out for food.. this si the way I solve the problem.. and I trade off the food thing.. I get Ryan a tuna sub that he loves and he gets to stay home for about an hour and play games on his pSP or club penguin while we get a quick bite to eat.. but I know what you mean ster because my son refuses to go be social for family functions and its hard on us at times to understand and then we feel he always gets his way because one of us stays at home with him etc...

Sometimes, I think the things I find most daunting are the ones I am attracted to. Used to hate eating out for all of the reasons mentioned here...and on top of that add snooty waiters who aren't very friendly.

I think that is why to some degree I have managed some coping skills...so I don't know if staying home and not facing them is sometimes the answer.

I'm the same with scary rides at the amusement parks....they scare the Bejesus out of me but I am compelled to go on them...

Oh, I can just see it, because I have been there. The "my stomach hurts", or" I need air" complaints. I usually have one trying straighten out the mess on the table, one whining, one trying to get away and one who refuses to eat. Sometimes we take turns chasing down the little guy as he runs through the resturant. And like you I am left sitting alone at the table wondering what everyone around me is thinking. Can you imagine the convesations at the other tables......haha. I carry a stack of cards on autism and when I have people around us who either make the famous comments of, "He just needs a good spanking" or "Can't these parents control thier kid" I throw one on thier table as I leave hoping maybe the next time they will think twice before saying something stupid. This is what the cards say.

WHAT YOU ARE WITNESSING IS A CHILD WITH AUTISM
This child is not a brat,does not need discipline, and I am not a bad parent. Autism is a nuerobiological disorder that makes children behave in ways that most people don't understand.
People with autism are often confused and upset and react in ways socially inappropriate, such as tantrums. Please be patient while I teach my child how to function properly in the community.

Sounds like you have the right attitude!

I carry 2 foam ear plugs for situations where the audio level is too high.

They don't stop the noise, but it takes the edge off enough that i can function.

I have often fantasized about starting a restrant where there are individual walled off areas for families,
and acoustic foam on the walls, to suck up the sound, and no muzac to distract.