Kill me

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Aspergers has ruined my life. I'm insensitive, unfeeling, disgusting, fat, no social skills and I'm not the perfect daughter my mum wished me to be. She hates me, I hate the world and I can't take it anymore. I want to be normal or at least understanding. Why can't I just die.

I'm sorry you feel so bad. I really remember feeling very much the same when I was a teenager without knowing anything at all about autism or aspergers. Your at an age when you start to move away from family and toward peers but what do you do if you don't fit in with peers and your family isn't supportive - you're really stuck. Try to remember that you are perfectly valid as you are even if other people don't get it and that there are other people who are feeling the same. I know that sounds like blah cliches but it is somewhat true. Also I'm pretty sure there is a forum for young people on this site. Hang in there.

It can be really tough at your age. There must be some good points too? What are your interests?

Last edited by neilson_wheels on 11 Dec 2015, 8:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Nope....I'd be put in jail! No Thank you!

Seriously...my mother wanted me to be a Golden Child--didn't work out that way.

Instead, I turned out Human.

What is the one thing which you love doing most?

Hmm, well out of the things you listed here, the only thing that can't be fixed is if you did die. You can't reverse that one. As for the others, being insensitive, unfeeling, having poor social skills and not enough understanding can all be learned in time. Keep in mind that many people on the spectrum can be delayed in these areas. Delayed. Not non-existent. Your relationship with your mother and your orientation in the world can also be improved on with time, and hopefully with ASD specific support if needed.
Also keep in mind if your age marker there is correct, most people are a nightmare and feel horrible at that age. This too can improve as you grow up.

When I was thirteen I was extremely weird and had no friends and felt a lot like you do. I'm turning 20 now and I just want to say you will find love and acceptance. Please let me caution you not to try to change yourself to find it. I've been there. Value yourself. You have inherent worth just by existing or else you wouldn't. The whole entire universe conspired for you to be here. you are strong, beautiful and brave. Practice good health! Eat nourishing foods, think enriching thoughts, and develop a daily practice that fulfills you whether it's prayer or art. Try and get outside for a walk to clear your brain. You are soooooo much more than what you think people think of you right now. They'll come around.

Worth is inherent. Never ever forget that. if you ever want to talk message me!!

Being a teenager can really suck but I promise things get better. It's true like what was said above that we are delayed socially and sometimes other things but that doesn't mean we can't improve. People are also more tolerant once they're adults.

You're not disgusting. You need first and foremost to work on your self image. This is difficult for most of us. Don't forget you're only 13: a time of change and confusion for most people.

No one demands perfection. No one is the perfect daughter or son and I'm sure your mom doesn't hate you, just because she may not understand you or know how to communicate effectively with you.

You could ask your GP to refer you to someone who specializes in the mental health field, if you feel you need to talk with someone neutral / non-judgmental. If your mom has objections to this, then it may be that she doesn't care or want to understand, but perhaps she would be supportive, so as to understand you better.

However, we here at WP, though not health professionals, do all in our power to make everyone here feel welcome and believe we all have a part to play. Maybe you don't feel that way, but I implore you to give life a chance. Work on your strong points to make them even stronger, and focus on improving your weak points.

Be strong. I was 13 once and battled to fit in. So were by far the most of us!

Are you any better?

And I agree. Have you thought maybe your mom is acting insensitive? You're 13 don't expect more from yourself than what you see others give.

I hope you come back here. We are, mostly, and certainly try to be, a pretty nice group!

We won't kill you though. Is there anyone you trust in real life to talk to about this?

A while back a 12 year old boy in a suburb of my hometown killed himself because all the other kids around him thought he was gay. Somebody posted the following in the comments section of that article:

I know it was for me. Not only did the kids bully me, the teachers did too. Ultimately I had a nervous breakdown a few weeks before I turned 14 and I spent three weeks in the local psych ward. But it DOES get better. For me, kids grew out of the bullying stuff by 16 or 17, and the greatest thing was that once I was 18 and out of high school I moved away and never went back. Once you're 18 and out of HS, you are legally free as a bird and can simply walk away.

Sometimes they get much worse. And you don't get your youth back. Gotta play your cards wisely.

My early teen years were really rough. I identified with a lot of what you are describing, OP. I don't remember wishing someone would kill me, but i do remember wishing i could just go to sleep and sleep and sleep...maybe for 100 years!

It got better as i got older; and, though i still have challenges and days i get discouraged, i would say that each year truly gets better. Hang in there.

Do you have anyone you can talk to? School counselor maybe? My children have really nice guidance counselors at their schools who are very kind and sympathetic and truly care about the kids. If your relationship with your mom is rough right now, maybe there is someone like that who could help you sort out some of your feelings.

I feel your pain.