How do you relax?

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I kind of want to get an autistic, and especially Asperger's perspective on this question. Answers from non-autistic people have been less-than-helpful.

See, it's important because for the past few years I've been wound up really tight. I can actually feel it in my body; I take ibuprofen or naproxen most days just to deal with the pain from being so tense 24/7. An unending stream of anxious thoughts or overwhelming mental noise crowds into my mind every waking second and the moment I push one out of the way another takes its place immediately. It's even when I sleep, I have fitful, unpleasant dreams and have actually ground my teeth down to the point I'll probably need dental work done. At this point I think on some level I accept this as normalcy and have forgotten what it feels like to actually be calm and relaxed. I grin and bear it.

Pretty sure the whole autism thing is a contributing factor. What set this off or what's actually kept me in this state at nearly all times for years? I don't know. I don't think I can control the things that are doing it, only how I respond to them.

It would be nice if I could find something that provides some relief.

I'm curious about two things:

1. Does anyone else feel like this? Permanently anxious, keyed up and on edge? So tense it actually wears down your body... like you were carrying a heavy load all the time? Always jumpy, like you were expecting something bad to happen at any moment? Nothing at all provides respite or relief?

2. Regardless of your answer to the first question... how do you relax or at least attempt to do so? What makes you calm down, takes tension out of your body and clears your mind?

Of course, this doesn't need to be just about me. Obviously I'm concerned about the subject of stress as pertains to me, but if anyone wants to talk more generally about it I'm down for that.

I never felt permanently anxious but I did feel anxious a lot due to Generalized Anxiety Disorder. What helped me was getting on medication; I take Buspar which is specially for anxiety instead of being an antidepressant & it's not a sedative. It might be a good idea to talk to a doc or psych about your stress & anxiety. Beta-blockers can help with stress & anxiety & some can help with nightmares but Buspar or an antidepressant might could help your anxiety too.

What I do to relax is listen to music while browsing the web(I spend a lot of time on this forum), watch TV, & play older video-games.

It's actually hard to explain just how wound up I am to doctors and therapists, or to anyone really. I think my current therapist is starting to get it; he was visibly shocked when I finally got through to him about it. Mentioning that it causes me physical pain helped get the point across.

I used to take Buspar, but it left me feeling emotionally dead. I was able to relax a bit, but didn't really feel like a complete human being, so I eventually discontinued it. This sort of anxiousness started long enough afterwards that I don't think that was any sort of trigger. Never heard the idea of using beta-blockers, though. I'll talk to some doctors about that.

A lot of the activities you named are sedentary. Many of the things I attempt are, too. Do you every try anything more physical? I feel like that could be what I'm missing.

I never noticed that effect on Buspar. It just helps my anxiety but maybe I'm lucky with it.

I never done a lot of activities but I do go walking sometimes. I do it more for exercise but I think it does help me emotionally.

Yes i do, have for years now.

First: speak to people about it, sharing troubles and edginess can be a huge relief.

To relax myself; i meditate, often during or after a warm shower (not hot, just warm).
Finally, i semi-regularly get massages, either thai or chinese (i prefer thai); those give a great physical relaxation.

I know I'm in the minority with all these depression and anxiety drugs but I don't believe it's helpful much of the time, except in extreme cases. Even then, I have known one extreme case on whom they weren't effective at all. It has been suggested and in varying degrees proven that meditational practices and more traditional therapeutic techniques achieve the same affect as drugs, without the synthetics, side effects, costs and funding the pharmaceutical companies.
I don't know if it counts as "relaxing" but I find mindfulness practices help deconstruct and take power from negative thoughts. This and physical relaxation techniques done deliberately can help, and can be done anywhere. I also have the problem getting wound up obsessing about all my issues when trying to sleep, so am trying to divert attention instead into actively building a dreamworld to bridge the gap between waking and sleeping and not thinking about my issues.
As for just chilling out watching movies or reading is relaxing to me, but only if I'm alone and don't constantly have to be hyper-aware of myself around others.

I second the mindfulness but it seems as if you already practice it to little avail.


Honestly it kinda sounds to me like you're manic. I get racing thoughts that are far from always being positive. Abilify is the only drug I've been on that has helped me in a way that allows me to still feel like myself. Have you tried lithium, abilify, or other bipolar medication?

Honestly when I get moments like you seem to experience all the time I don't know what to do. I will purposefully tense my body, stim a lot, those are times when I will do minor self harm.

Some MJ might help. I use it but not for anxiety.

I always felt I had to be on guard against unexpected negative consequences. Age and experience showed me the worst usually did not happen and getting the explination of autism has been a definite help.

I wasn't aware of how tense I was or how it was triggering migraines until I was prescribed a few tablets of Valium for a minor procedure. While I was sitting in the room waiting, I actually felt my muscles relax and for the first time ever, learned the difference in feeling between the two states (tense and not tense) of my neck and back. That day made a huge difference as I can now (when I realize it) tell my neck muscles to go to the their relaxed state. I haven't learned how to do the same with my back, though.

For me, the cause is something in my life that causes great stress five of seven days a week. I can barely keep my neck relaxed. My back tensing up has me in a constant state of near-migraine.

i find that going for a walk helps me relax, especially if there are a lot of trees and squirrels, etc.

For me, exersizing regularly helps balance out my overall anxiety levels. Anything that gets my heart pumping is helpful.

If I'm having an anxiety attack or just having a high-anxiety day, doing breathing exercises helps a lot. Look up breathing exercises used for yoga and meditation. At the most basic level, just breathe in slowly through your nose, then breathe out slowly through your mouth, and focus on only that until you feel in control again.

So many responses! Thank you everyone, though I don't think I'll have time to respond to all of this tonight but I'll do what I can.

If it helps to describe this in detail; it's not really like anxiety attacks. What's crushing about it is how it never goes away. It's kind of like how I felt walking around late at night when I lived in an area with a lot of violent crime. The feeling is similar, like you can never let your guard down. But knowing there often is no threat makes me feel helpless.

Thinking about it and reading through these comments I realize that what I may be lacking is control. Feeling like I can't handle any given situation or shying away from discomfort. It makes me feel like paradoxically, the answer in a lot of (but not all, by any means) these cases may be to push through and conquer it rather than just trying to calm down.

Things to calm me don't seem to work because the stressors are usually still present and reassert themselves the moment I stop.

How long has that been going on?

Also, wish I could afford massages.



Strangely, I find I'm often much more at ease when I'm with other people in a casual setting. When I'm alone, I'm alone with my thoughts; that's backbreaking, so to speak.

What do you mean about building a dreamworld? I'm curious about that.



My mother and younger brother are both diagnosed Bipolar. The idea that I tend towards it without it being significant enough for a diagnosis has been put forth to me before. Considering that, I have a pretty poor understanding of what mania is. The idea hadn't occurred to me because I associated the word with a lot of energy, and I feel tired all the time. I wake up feeling tired.

So I haven't tried any sort of medication for that specifically.

Your last suggestion is kind of funny because that's actually legal here. I've never done it though. I have friends who do.



That sounds dreadful... and not entirely unfamiliar. I don't get migraines... I get aches, sprains and cramps. Everything is just terribly stiff. I have only a vague recollection of the state you describe. Have you seen anyone for some sort of treatment?



Honestly, I think you're dead on. When I remember to do breathing exercises they help. I'd love to get more exercise; maybe I'll pick up a cheap gym membership come January.

I do relax with a loud music earphone.

I have a sleep disorder, but one of the problems is getting between waking and sleeping, because all my issues crowd in and my mind spins and it feels like I'm lying there being eaten alive by the things in my head. Thus, I avoided it. To stop this from happening, I deliberately build up a dreamworld to focus my thoughts on. It usually starts by imagining myself beginning at one of two waterfalls - one of sand, one of stars. From there, its really about exercising my imagination (which I don't do a lot, concerned with pragmatic things in a utilitarian perspective in waking times) and focus on making the experiences as beautiful and creative as possible. Anything I can imagine to fit that description - the possibilities are quite literally limitless. It helps to get to sleep without obsessing about myself.

That's one of the great things about mindfulness done right. You realise that your feelings aren't real in of themselves. You have a choice what to feel to a good extent (not always the case with autistics, but we still have some say in the matter). Its all in your head and therefore, you choose how to respond if you take a moment to separate yourself from the information and consider how you will respond, not just react. I've since given up phrases like "it made me angry." Nothing can make you angry. You get angry. This is not a blanket statement, there are always exceptions and extremes, but it helps.

Yes I do nearly always feel like the description in 1).

The most relaxed and happy I feel is when I'm surrounded by animals. I get to be in close contact with birds and it's like medication; the longer I'm in their company interacting with them, the more I take away this amazing mood-lift that lasts the rest of the day and evening. They are my utmost joy in life. Interactions with animals changes my brain chemistry for the better. It's people who fck me up. But that's just me, I'm an animal person.

I'm also at my happiest when completely alone in my own home environment with no disturbances.

I too am fatigued s**t a lot of the time.

I have begun associating my racing thoughts with body tightness and more often than not, jumbled thoughts. My 'mania' (I'm not diagnosed BP, the abilify was prescribed to work with an antidepressant but I stopped the both then tried just the abilify) is only nice when I have some control over the jumble of thoughts, and I feel like I learn things.

Mj helps my mindfulness/self awareness and is why I do it. This actually means i sometimes become more anxious, but because i have more awareness i can excersise more self control. (Can't control what i don't perceive/understand). If it didn't make me sleepy when I'm coming off of it I'd be inclined to use it during the day instead of in the evenings.

Avoid caffeine.