Dating in your 30s

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Who here is in their 30's and actively seeking a relationship?

I am 32, and it seems like everyone is taken. I don't know how to meet women, and basically hate my life. I'm told that I am good looking, and have okay social skills I think. I don't drink unfortunately and I think that has a lot to do with why I can't meet someone. I am on a dating site but that's s**t too. My only plan is to retire early and live in Cuba or the Philippines or someplace where women will date you just because you're white and have money.

I would like to meet someone and date but I feel like I have kind of hit that invisible brick wall that AS people have in certain areas of their life, and I'm not getting past it. I don't like to think about it because it is too depressing, but I am getting sick of the AS life of being alone 90% of the time.

I am usually okay with it when I am away working (I am in the trades and live in workcamps when I am there), but when people talk about their lives outside of work or their girlfriends/wives and ask why I'm single, then it stings a bit.

I'm in the same boat as you except I am not actively seeking anymore. No point for me when I don't understand people, don't like the same things, don't think the same way, 10+ years behind socially, live at home due to not making enough with my business yet, cod, and a bunch of other things lol.

I find that work helps get my mind off it, but I have a lot of customers that like to ask me about why I am single, I just tell them that I work too much, or that women don't like guys that don't make a lot of money.

Bars are not for me, I did my party years long ago and my body cannot touch any of it anymore.

I wouldn't want someone who is with me for my money, I would have that on my mind the whole time and know that they only care about my wallet, I would rather be alone. I try to stay as busy as possible, try to socialize and seem normal, but it doesn't help when you have no friends, and the ones that you do have, you really don't share the same interests, plus they all have someone and it's no fun being the third wheel. I just hope that a lottery ticket works out someday, otherwise I will work till I die, no retirement for me.

I wish you luck my friend

Soon to be 28 and most women are already taken or have 4 kids where I live. I work retail which to most women here makes me worthless and not a man. I don't expect anything to change when I get in 30s it'll only get worse as they'll have even higher standards because of wanting to settle down in a big house and have family. That and most men are suppose to have high paying jobs by 30-45.

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you Space. I'd love to know some good strategies for finding someone at my age, particularly women on the spectrum since I feel I would have a much better chance with them. There isn't really any support for adult spectrumites were I live though so it is very difficult to find anyone.

Finally, a post I can relate to.
Im also 32. Im pretty sure any of you could get a woman. Getting a woman you like might be an issue
Is this a case of our expectations are too high?
If we were perceived as being normal, we'd probably be able to attract the right woman but due to being odd we need to set our sights lower and were not prepared to do that?
I don't know.
It sounds like the crux is, we don't meet enough women. In my case, the number is probably 0 in ten years.
I purposely put myself in situations were I wont meet anybody, even going out my way if there is a chance I might have to communicate with the opposite sex.
My work as a plumber means I go into peoples homes and communicate with customers but that's about it. The check out girl at the supermarket but even theyre becoming scarce with all these automated check outs theyre bringing in!
Granted money is an issue but I feel im fairly average in that respect.
It all depends on your expectations I suppose and were all different. If we socialised a lot more im sure most of us would see an increase in our chances and it wouldn't take more than a year to see the fruits of our painful excursions!
Im just not quite ready to do anything about it just yet!
Blimey, what crap am I posting here...

OP, why do you think not drinking is hindering your chances at finding someone? I'm only 19, but I have no desire to drink even when I turn 21. I never thought of that has something that could hurt my chances at finding someone. You can go to bars and do things besides drink.

Don't start drinking because you feel you won't get dates otherwise---that would be the stupidest decision you have made in your life.

A Coke could be a Rum and Coke if you want somebody to think you're drinking. A 7-Up could be vodka or Scotch or any sort of clear drink.

I, fortunately, don't drink.

Probably the best way for Aspies or Aspie-like people to meet women is at Star Trek Conventions and things of that ilk.

What are you special interests?

It's good to be reminded to get out more. I mean it. I think it's rude for someone to ask "why are you single" like it's a problem for them. I do think single people are marginalized in our society only because we threaten the status quo and only for that reason. It is hard to get out there and feel good about yourself if your lifestyle is being marginalized.

Dating in your 30s is definitely hard. I'm finding that men who want to date me are significantly older (by 6-10 years.) There is one guy I have been dating on and off for a couple years. He pays me close attention which is most special after feeling like a cast away for most of my life. He is consistent about it, too.

I'd be actively seeking a relationship if I thought I have anything to offer to a potential partner, which is not the case, and I don't think it'll ever be no matter what I do. I'll do my best, but there's no way I can do everything needed to become a respectable, independent adult in time.

Hi Im 38. I just split up with a lady my age recently because she was not very understanding of my aspie needs. She was always trying to make me to do things and go places that made me very uncomfortable and stressed. And then she would just get mad and be a big old "B" when I resisted. But I would regularly give in and be miserable because of it and it was still never enough. Unfortunately we dated for years. It was the worst dating experience ever. So glad it's over. I do still want to date someone new. Starting all over seems so dounting. It's so hard to tell if someone like likes me at first cause they won't just come out and say it. Like I have 2 ladies now that are very nice to me and say they want to spend time with me, but I still can't tell if they want to be just friends or more. And since I have such a hard time reading people, I have huge anxiety about making the first move. It's so stressful I almost don't want to bother. I've never dated another aspie. I wonder if it would be different.

A lady who says she wants to "spend time" with you usually desires romance with you.

Ladies won't usually say bluntly that they want to get in your pants, or even that they desire romance with you.

You're on a pretty good winning streak there.

I don't really have too many special interests. I am into stuff like the stock market, pc games, snowmobiles. I like to stay in shape and go to the gym regularly, I would really like a woman who is into that. The gym is a notoriously tough place to get a date, but maybe that's where I will meet a woman one day. I have seen women who I am attracted to working out, but they are usually on a treadmill with earbuds in. It is tough place even for an NT to land a date or a #.

Meeting an AS woman would be great if it's anything like Mozart and the Whale. The problem is my city is pretty small (220,000), I would need to be in a bigger city to find AS meet ups and conventions. Maybe an anime convention? I am not big into anime but I would think that would be a place to find some AS people...

I would like to meet a woman who shares my interest in fitness. I like to eat healthy and go to the gym regularly. I would like to meet a woman who shares this passion, and we could encourage each other along the way. There are often attractive women at the gym, unfortunately the gym is known as a difficult place to meet women for NT people, let alone AS. I have seem women on the treadmills who I would like to talk to and get to know, but they are running with earbuds in and seem to have a look on their face that says they don't want to be bothered. Maybe one day if I keep going enough I'll get into a situation where I can naturally meet a woman there.

Drinking is a big part of socializing as an adult. It is also a way that two people who are just beginning to date can connect. It is silly, but it is a big part of our culture. When I was in college I got invited to beer nights a couple times, but I was scared to go because I didn't drink. In hindsight I wish I went anyways, but I was very shy and socially awkward in those years. I am still shy around people I don't know, but my work has done a lot to increase my confidence and assertiveness.

I've been socializing for years without drinking. You can order Daiquiri-type, non-alcoholic drinks in bars. You could also, of course, order sodas/pop.

Yes, there are some people who like to drink with others. Just tell them that you "get drunk out of life." They'll usually get the message.

What he said. Even my Fiancee won't come out and say it either. Luckily all my failure has the benefit of making me understand when a woman is interested.


Good question here. I was told this many, many times throughout my 20s. I lowered my expectations and paid the price dearly. If I could be a virgin all over I would do it. I'm glad I have high expectations now: they are being more than met!