I realise why my aspie friend is more popular than me.

Post Reply New Topic

I think I realised why my friend with mild as pergers is more successful socially than me even though it's more noticible in him is that he talks to people all the time even if he makes mistakes. He isn't shy and is honest with people that he is on the spectrum and does lots of advocating and raising awareness; but I am shy and don't want people to notice my traits; I think though if he can talk to people as much as he does then I can too.
I guess it won't matter if I seem strange to others because I sometimes think my friend is strange but I still like him regardless.
I've had people say I seem anti social or angry or afraid but he doesn't seem that way. He's more open even if it's in an odd way. Maybe I will try that.

Yep...it's always better to have confidence, and to show it.

Sort of like Popeye's philosophy of "I yam what I yam."

Amid all this confidence, Popeye is also a nice person, and respectful to people. He fights back, but never starts fights.

That makes a lot of sense. I'm profoundly Autistic enough that no matter what I do, I'll always seem "off" to people and if they get to know me at all, they'll see differences. My Autism (as well as other mental issues) affects other people's lives, so I try to tell them about it when I first meet them and ask them to tell me if I do anything that upsets them so I can fix it, and warn them when I'm going into a social shutdown, etc.

It's not at all a normal approach, but I don't want normal friendships. I want close friendships. People seem to really appreciate my honesty and even if we don't become close friends they can enjoy my company and a lot of people LIKE that I'm Autistic because it means they can talk to me about certain issues without fear of judgment.

I also know a lot of other Autistic people, many of whom are much more mild than I am, and they often get bad results when they interact with people because those people don't KNOW they're Autistic but can still be put off by those traits. Neurotypicals are terrifyingly perceptive sometimes; they can see subtle differences in our body language and tone that we can't pick up on. They know we're different, and sometimes not telling them can lead them to less flattering assumptions ("that guy has a stick up his ass"; "that person's probably secretly a serial killer"; "she hates me"; etc.)

I highly recommend being honest about what you are. If you want people to genuinely like you, you've got to give them a chance to actually see you, right? And explaining your differences that they WILL pick up on will go a long way towards them not making those assumptions about you.

People put all this emphasis on Autistic people functioning "normally" but we're NOT normal. Sometimes we need to find abnormal ways to function.

We have to find abnormal ways of getting the same results as people who are not autistic.

It doesn't matter HOW one attains success (unless it involves stealing, etc). It's the fact that the success was attained.

I spent New Years with my Aspie friend as well and he is certainly mild. I noticed in his neighborhood he was constantly greeted by people even in the stores we went into. I said to him "I have a hard time believing you have Asperger's!" in a joking manner.

I notice he usually greets them first, gives them a compliment and starts up a conversation with them. For example yesterday we went to a gamestop it was pretty and somehow he managed to start a conversation with the cashier over FallOut 3 and New Vegas. We also went to a grocery store when he was purchasing food he said to the cashier that he has been in her store years and never knew her name so once she told him her name he thanked her and wished her a happy new year. He also always offers people stuff like some of his food. I only rival him in that factor since I bake as a hobby soley to share with others except I don't always have baked goods on me and I don't have it like that to give out free stuff all the time.

I'm trying to make more conversations in my head so I can create a conversation with someone. Also my interest are very narrow so it is hard to talk about subjects generally like gaming. I'm a PC gamers surrounded by mostly console gamers so all the games I can really talk about with them are popular multiplatform titles but even then my taste in those is limited as I don't like Call of Duty, Assassin's Creed, and etc. I am trying now to try and talk people about what PC gaming is like and some of the games I play. I certainly don't care for celebrity and sport culture so that limits even more what I can talk about with someone.

Also I see someone say you should tell people that you have Asperger's, even though my friend is pretty social he recommends not telling anyone as most don't care, will see you as some completely different being or will start coddling you.

Confidence is the key, even if you're NT.

Most Aspies are more outgoing than me. Shyness is part of it, but another part is that I just don't know what to say.

I've known Aspies to have a group of NT friends, and get invited out with them like go out to bars, shows, concerts, or any other social activity, to name a few. I just don't know how they do it.

I can never see myself in a group of friends, even non-NT people. The last time I was in a group of non-NT people, I still felt like a fish out of water. They weren't all on the spectrum but were all socially awkward in some way, and one had Fragile-X and Dyslexia and a mild form of muscle deformities, but she was so joyful and talkative, and she was a nice person but I couldn't get a word in edgeways. One of the others took up a lot of attention too. She had some mental retardation issues, but got everyone's attention because she kept pouncing about in front of people and giggling and waving her arms about whenever she saw something that interested her. And so even in that group of neurodiverse people, I still felt shy and awkward. I didn't really keep in touch since. This was a few years ago now.