Hate physical contact, except with a few certain people?

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DaughterOfAule
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30 Dec 2015, 1:17 pm

Does it make sense that, with the exception of three people, I hate (or at the least find it very uncomfortable) physical contact? I don't mind when my father hugs me but I hug back with just my arms. With the other two people they could be all over me (hugs, watching a movie and snuggling, standing close to, touching my arms, etc.) and I don't mind one bit. But I find it hard to even stand physical contact with my mother. I get a horrible tingly feeling, I want to run, and I can still feel it after the contact has stopped. But not with hugs from my dad or physical contact from the other two people.


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Magi
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30 Dec 2015, 2:16 pm

When somebody pats my back I scream at them "Dont touch me!".
When somebody tries to hug me I push them on the ground and walk away mad.
I dont mean to be rude but I am so tired of people touching me.
I do not like shaking hands either. I usually just decline the offer.
[Redacted]
Girls I do not mind as much because they usually dont do invasive things like that besides hug but they even do that the right way and more likely have good energy.



Last edited by Adamantium on 30 Dec 2015, 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.: rule violation: offensive language.

Ivory
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30 Dec 2015, 2:40 pm

A lot of people with ASD don't enjoy physical contact with others.

Personally, I don't mind hugging people I know and genuinely like. I noticed with time that I react strongly to people's energy, so if they're not in a good place in their life, it will sort of "rub off" on me and I won't feel good either.



zkydz
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30 Dec 2015, 2:44 pm

While not as extreme as Magi, I really am offended by other people's touch. Can be a train cram or just people being friendly. But, the thing that bothers me most are the idiots that come up to me as a stranger and do the hug...or worse...the hug/kiss thing. Freaks me out and makes me lock up a bit as well as feeling truly offended. What's really odd is that over the years as an instructor, that if you touch a shoulder or something when you speak to students. Unless they are touch phobic like myself, they actually respind positively and seems to reassure them. Dunno why.

Now, the people I do let in, (wife, family, children, grandchildren) I crave and enjoy the physical contact. Hugs can be comforting after all :)


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Edenthiel
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30 Dec 2015, 3:10 pm

How we see it in our household:

Touch is a non-verbal language. NT people for the most part, and with only minor variations, seem to speak the same dialect. So they make assumptions when they communicate that way with each other. My spouse, both kids and I are all highly sensitive to touch. That means we each have our own dialect. Where a somewhat gentle bump to a NT person might mean, "hey, I'm here with you and we are sharing same space, together, in a cooperative way" my oldest reads it as, "I am here to attack you & you must die!". So, in our household, it's not quite a matter of *who* those people are that can touch us, it's that they are the only ones who know each of our touch-languages to be able to communicate without gross misunderstandings. Subtle difference, I suppose, but it means other people can be included if they are willing to learn our touch language.


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cberg
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30 Dec 2015, 4:10 pm

No dispute there but so are all the other aforementioned NT habits.


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30 Dec 2015, 5:47 pm

DaughterOfAule wrote:
Does it make sense that, with the exception of three people, I hate (or at the least find it very uncomfortable) physical contact? I don't mind when my father hugs me but I hug back with just my arms. With the other two people they could be all over me (hugs, watching a movie and snuggling, standing close to, touching my arms, etc.) and I don't mind one bit. But I find it hard to even stand physical contact with my mother. I get a horrible tingly feeling, I want to run, and I can still feel it after the contact has stopped. But not with hugs from my dad or physical contact from the other two people.

I am like that too.


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30 Dec 2015, 7:06 pm

I don't like to be patted by anyone, except maybe my parents. I don't mind hugs or having someone put their arm around me, though.



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30 Dec 2015, 7:48 pm

Magi wrote:
When somebody pats my back I scream at them "Dont touch me!".
When somebody tries to hug me I push them on the ground and walk away mad.
I dont mean to be rude but I am so tired of people touching me.
I do not like shaking hands either. I usually just decline the offer.
[Redacted]
Girls I do not mind as much because they usually dont do invasive things like that besides hug but they even do that the right way and more likely have good energy.
I scream "Don't Ever Touch me!"
Then I either Flee or Fight. :evil: I get's full on erupts fast. I usually go full on Meltdown.


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30 Dec 2015, 10:26 pm

I don't like touch either. And oddly, I find women more of a hazard with this. City women seem to want to hug everyone. My mother is a nightmare, always trying to grab me even though she knows I can't stand it and I have to physically run away from her. For a long time it was a "don't!" response with me, too, but I'm getting better with a few limited ways of touch - I don't mind shaking hands anymore, and it seems to pass below my touch radar, which is great. I can also tolerate the city-woman-hug briefly through what I assume is a kind of disassociation - I don't actually feel anything, just a slight pressure.
No touch issues with animals at all, and less with babies than adults.


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30 Dec 2015, 11:01 pm

TheAP wrote:
I don't like to be patted by anyone, except maybe my parents. I don't mind hugs or having someone put their arm around me, though.


I know what you're saying. Most of what I ever really notice in terms of anything tactile seems to swim around in my head unless someone surprises me.


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DaughterOfAule
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31 Dec 2015, 3:14 am

Edenthiel wrote:
How we see it in our household:

Touch is a non-verbal language. NT people for the most part, and with only minor variations, seem to speak the same dialect. So they make assumptions when they communicate that way with each other. My spouse, both kids and I are all highly sensitive to touch. That means we each have our own dialect. Where a somewhat gentle bump to a NT person might mean, "hey, I'm here with you and we are sharing same space, together, in a cooperative way" my oldest reads it as, "I am here to attack you & you must die!". So, in our household, it's not quite a matter of *who* those people are that can touch us, it's that they are the only ones who know each of our touch-languages to be able to communicate without gross misunderstandings. Subtle difference, I suppose, but it means other people can be included if they are willing to learn our touch language.


I really like this, I think it makes a lot of sense. The three people I don't mind physical contact with are people I trust, I know they wouldn't trick me or try to hurt me. My mom's motives for her actions can differ greatly and are hard for me to understand. So I don't often feel too much trust there. I know the people I trust would never use a touch to be offensive therefore I know that the "language" they are using with me is friendly. I have a cat who puts his head over the other cat's neck to show dominance and this gesture irks me, I think this is part of the reason I hate most physical contact, I can't translate it and feel threatened, even if its a simple pat on the back. My brother sometimes puts both his hands on my shoulders just to mess with me and though I know he's just playing around and means no harm, it really freaks me out. I think its because it makes me feel the same as the cat being dominated, and I do not like that feeling at all.


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cberg
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31 Dec 2015, 4:23 pm

As I (sort of) alluded part of me thinks I share brainwaves with my cat by this point. If the cat's not sleeping or follows me around she seemingly extrapolates something I might be doing next & beats me to it. If I'm home I always seem to know if my cat's in a fight no matter if there's any noise, so I just wait until I hear growls & pluck the cat from the yard pointy side down.


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DaughterOfAule
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01 Jan 2016, 4:12 am

cberg wrote:
As I (sort of) alluded part of me thinks I share brainwaves with my cat by this point. If the cat's not sleeping or follows me around she seemingly extrapolates something I might be doing next & beats me to it. If I'm home I always seem to know if my cat's in a fight no matter if there's any noise, so I just wait until I hear growls & pluck the cat from the yard pointy side down.


Somehow my cat always knows what I am about to work on and sits on it before I get there. I've always been that person that gravitates towards animals (especially cats) if one is present while I'm at someone else's house rather than talking to the people.


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01 Jan 2016, 4:34 am

zkydz wrote:
Hugs can be comforting after all :)


One of my all time favorite songs -Link-.


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01 Jan 2016, 8:58 am

Idealist wrote:
zkydz wrote:
Hugs can be comforting after all :)


One of my all time favorite songs -Link-.

They can be. That, they can. But only if it's appropriate by my strange little requirements. I do realize it's my strange little requirement, so I don't go off on people.

The flipside is that I tried to do it once to see if I could pull it off and fit in better. It was so awkward that a few people avoided me that night afterwards and I just gave up on it.


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