Sometimes I feel as if nobody likes me...

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...Like right now for example. I feel as if this website is really in one big clique that I'm not apart of. Especially with some people (I won't say who). Also, as if that weren't bad enough, my whole family is currently at each other's throats (what else is new), and I feel a bit rejected by some of my friends a bit, too. I need some cheering up.

I wouldn't let it matter so much. You seem like an extraverted person so that may put you on the far side of the aspie bell curve so it seems you have less in common with the group.

The only feelings and behavior you can change are your own and it helps immensely not to take anything personally.

I'm 99% certain that feeling of being on the outside of a clique here is a near universal
feeling that most all the members have. My guess it is core feature of aspergers. Best way to deal with it is to not have high expectation of deep social connectedness developing on a forum site and for many of us in real life relationships either.

Reminds me of my thread on oxytocin. If I split all the members into two groups at random and polled them if the felt as you most would say yes. If one group began taking oxytocin nasal spray they might start feeling a social connectedness in general and start feeling they "belonged" even if no real change has happened in their relationships on WP.

I get that feeling about WP having cliques, too. I think TM1 is right, that's probably just an aspie trait.

About the family, well, that's hard. When I was still at home my family life was close to something you might see on Jerry Springer (a lot of fighting). I've noticed that since I've gone to college my family has been much more civil, even when I come home. We don't get into fights anymore. You're close to going to college soon, right? That issue might get better soon.

Try to look on the bright side. At least you have friends, even if they sometimes make you feel rejected. What is it that's making you feel rejected. Chances are that isn't their intention, and if it is, they're not really your friends in which case you should just go out and make new ones. Hope you feel better soon.

I've felt that way all my life, no matter what the social situation. It's an aspie thing. My counselor said that it's usually the more extraverted, "higher-functioning" aspies who experience the most social paranoia. We're socially "aware" enough to sense that we have a problem connecting to people, but we're still unable to figure out what to do about it. I don't dwell on the feeling anymore, because I know it'll always be there to some degree. Since I'll never be able to read social situations and "group dynamics" very accurately, I concentrate more on how I feel about the other people involved, and less on whether or not they approve of me. In the past I've had many experiences in which people I thought cared about me really didn't, and just as many in which people I thought couldn't care less about me actually came through for me. So you just never know. All you can do is learn to like yourself, and don't expect too much out of other people, no matter what their particular neurological wiring. People are all flawed in some way.

Hey, Lightning88, I feel like WP is become a big clique that I'm not apart of either because I think is becoming too focused more on aspies instead of just regular autistic people.

You're definitely not alone in feeling that way.

I have moments in which I feel that way, as well. The good part is that they go away.

Yeah, like some of you are saying I hope this feeling does go away soon. I had just got back from school and it wasn't exactly the best day ever (nothing bad happened or anything, but nothing great either).

As for the family, it's a whole different situation entirely. But basically it's like this: Each member is trying to "out-do" each other by either having more money or a nicer house or a better job or something. My mom's "winning", but because she works long hours, she's never home. Like today, for example, she's working from 7 AM to 8 PM. And hanging out with the others in my neighborhood isn't an option. It's pretty much just all adults. The only two other people my age are moving to North Carolina, even though they haven't been here even a year.

I'm glad I'm not the only one seeing these cliques. I don't even bother to participate in those "----- a random member" threads because I know no one ever chooses me. And then some people accuse me of being this Dr NT person even though I wasn't even here for the situation so I still have no idea what that's about. I don't even know what it is! I also feel as if I don't really fit in much because I do happen to be an extroverted, social aspie. I do understand social cues (to a degree), and I just basically love being around people. Thanks so much for understanding, everyone! I really do appreciate it!

I can be social too, and so it hurts even more when you're in a situation where you think you're helping others or having a mutual relationship, only to find out that the other person doesn't feel the same as you.

I also avoid those threads you mention, because there's too much opportunity to feel rejected. As if I need more reasons to feel rejected.

Well, one of the upsides of not being in a clique is that you're not usually (well, except for this Dr NT thing) the victim of someone's anger on the boards. I kind of like that no one attaches emotional weight to the things I say here, or harps on about something I did that upset them. Cliques can crumble and turn ugly.

The fact that we've all read and responded to your post should inform you that you're not unnoticed. Just say what you feel, and people who can relate to it will chime in.

Dr NT is a creation of my own and I hardly envision him to be a cute young lady in Indiana. I figure him more middle aged man living in Silicon Valley. A man with a business background who ripped off aspie geeks IT ideas during the Internet bubble days in the 90's. He then had an evil vision to not only rip off aspies but to remove them from the gene pool. Hence he uses his billions to fund anti-aspie projects.

Thanks again, everyone! I am feeling a little better now, even if the situation isn't. But I'm glad to know that I really am liked here after all, even if some people aren't wild about me.

Let me guess. His first name is William.

I like you
I don't know you very well because I've only been here a couple of weeks, but I like reading your posts etc

I feel unloved as well. I went on one date with a woman I met on Plentyoffish.com, and she and I seemed to click--she and I had the exact same interests and beliefs. She even seemed to be OK with me having AS (I told her about it). But I went on vacation a week later. When I got back, she deleted me from her favorites list, and I never heard from her again--even though she promised to go on a second date with me.

She also seemed to be cool with me going to school full-time, even if it meant being unemployed and living with my parents. But now she's gone.

To the majority of NTs, unemployed + living with parents = LOSER (even if you're going to school full-time)

This is why I limit myself to other Aspies when it comes to dating.

Tim

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 16 Apr 2007, 6:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.