"You Just Haven't Met The Right Person Yet (But You Will)"

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"You Just Haven't Met The Right Person Yet (But You Will)"

People will often say this to me when they find out that I've been chronically and involuntarily single throughout the course of my 19 years on this earth. I know they mean well, and I guess sometimes they simply don't know what else to say, but honestly, this phrase pisses me off for two main reasons.

Firstly, to make a guarantee that I will meet someone when there's no quantifiable evidence to support the statement is ludicrous, especially when I haven't been able to experience dating prior to this stage in my life. I'm not saying I won't experience love, and I won't meet this 'right person', but there's no reason to expect I will based on my past experiences (or lack thereof), and there's certainly no grounds on which to guarantee this.

Making unsubstantiated (and therefore unconvincing) claims that offer no meaningful or quantifiable information is just annoying from the point of view of someone who's heard these claims a fair few times and has yet to see them come to fruition. If you can prove to me that I will meet someone one day, you'll have my undivided attention. Otherwise, why make claims you can't prove? In my opinion, reassurance like this is only helpful if you can make guarantees. In situations like these, it's virtually impossible to do so.

Secondly, this statement seems awfully assumptive to me. Maybe I'm not looking for the 'right person' just yet. Maybe I'd like to get some dating experience under my belt so I can learn my likes and dislikes in a potential partner from a practical standpoint rather than a theoretical one. Having been alone all your life when you've seen so many people your age and younger flaunting their romantically active status is disheartening, and can make you feel defective and undesirable, making you wonder why it has to be you that nobody's interested in, and if/how it's possible to change your situation. I feel as though I've began plummeting into a deepening pitfall of insecurity, and I don't know how to climb out (or if it's even possible for that matter).

I kinda got off-topic here. My point is that I'm not looking for the 'right person' just yet, not that I'd reject her if she came along. My main focuses in this area are receiving romantic experience, and more importantly, validation. I don't know how else to repair my fractured self-esteem than to challenge my own beliefs about my undatableness (not a real word, don't care), and the only way I can see that happening is having it proven to me that girls can be interested in me, to contrast the evidence I've gathered to the contrary.

So what do you think about this phrase? What do you think about my predicament and how I'm viewing at it? Do you have any insight you'd like to share regarding anything I've said? Do you know what I can do to be more successful with women or just feel better about myself in general? Are you sick of these questions? Let me know what you think.

Yeah it's a bunch of BS.
IMO it would be so ridiculously funny to respond like "NO! I'm NOT waiting, and I'm not looking for that one person. I'm waiting for ANYONE to be interested in me. But nobody is, ever!" because it's so true. But the consequences are unpredictable.

Indeed, people who say "You are just saving yourself for the right person" are not helping. At best they are giving some baseless encouragement, but this encouragement is challenging the facts of reality.

But I mean, what are people going to say?
"Yeah, you're single, whatever..."
"It's because you're so ugly"
*just walk away*
"I don't care, loser"
etc.

Nah, they're gonna tell you the socially appropriate mindless standard-phrase for dateless people.

I'm sick of it too, btw.
Because it shows what people (everyone) just don't give a genuine s**t.

I give a genuine s**t.....yet I do believe there is "somebody for everybody."

The trouble is: That "somebody" could be in China, and I'm in New York.

It's a platitude, nothing more and should only ever be seen as such. The fact is not everyone will find a significant other. The ones that do should consider themselves lucky and put forth the effort needed to keep their relationships going. The ones that don't have to deal with things like this being said to them repeatedly for the rest of their life.

Same age as you and in the same boat. I've never been on a date either, and it's led to severe depression. I completely understand what you're going through, and I'm always told the same thing you are: "You'll find somebody! Don't worry about it!" With each passing year, I trail further behind everyone else in the attempt to find a relationship. I'm aware that if I'm ever in one, the first relationship likely won't last, and I'm all right with that; I'm not looking for a soulmate either. Just give me some effing dating experience.

As someone younger with some experience, it isn't always as significant as one might think, and in fact can mean almost nothing.

I've had two relationships. The first was very short, 17 days, and I was treated just plain awfully and played. The second, she just felt she didn't know me well enough and wasn't ready for a relationship (I was her first boyfriend, she my second girlfriend). I lasted 1month and 1 week with the second person.

Either way, I learned a lot, I'll admit, but felt no different becoming single once again than before my first relationship.

I can't even say it makes me feel better knowing other people can be attracte to me, because both of my girlfriends didn't feel as strongly fro me as I did for them.

The first kept changing her mind about me and her interest came and went, the second had some interested in our 'honeymoon phase'/the very beginning but turns around and decides she's 'not ready' and doesn't know me well enough.

Dating sites and tools like Tinder at least remind you people can be physically attracted to you though...I guess.

The main reason my 'experience' has been pointless because every failure and rejection is usually due to factors I could not control. You can't 'learn from your mistakes' if you made no mistakes and had no responsibility over how things turned out. This has been the case with nearly every rejection I've faced. The girl I went on three dates with at the start of last year just wasn't interested, this girl I had a crush on at school liked me back, and I was building up to asking her out, but she was kicked out of home, and forced todrop out of high school and go live with her sister (who lives out of state) on her birthday out of nowhere. First girlfriend couldn't make up her mind about me and finally decided she wasn't interested...twice. And second girlfriend...well yeah.

I'm just trying to say sir dating experience and an improved self-esteem are alright, but they're only temporary really.

Once you're single again you'll spend most of your time lonely like you used to be and your self-esteem can even go down again if you don't feel loved or appreciated by anyone in this world.

I'm grateful my friends and family care about me but they are the basics.

I'm an optimist, so I think the statement is true. Never give up hope, and as long as you keep your thoughts positive, good things will happen!

I remember when I was 14 (9 years ago) my depression really showed in my class results.
Then my teacher said something like "When you get a girlfriend, you'll get your s**t together", as if I was about to get one soon.
9 years later. Here I am.
Admittedly I had thought to myself "b***h please, you don't know if I'll get my s**t together. You know nothing about my problems. How rude to make assumptions of me like that."