Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

ck990
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jan 2016
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 29

23 Jan 2016, 1:37 am

From the first day in high school I knew there was only one visible significant difference between neurotypical people and me and that is that I am the only quiet person there. I wanted to talk with others but I didn't know what to talk about. When I know what to talk about the conversation is very short and generic, others perceive me as boring to listen to and they would rather speak to a more talkative person. Long conversations can be exhausting and I dislike small talk. I am aware that other classmates see me a bit differently even if they don't say it.



Ottoshiku
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 1 Feb 2016
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Posts: 6
Location: -

02 Feb 2016, 12:36 pm

Hellooo, I feel that I'm going through the same situations as well. XD

My best advice is yes, it might be mentally exhausting, but try your best to maintain neutral, such as looking as if you're listening and providing some responses. Try to find understanding people with the same interests as you, through the method above. The chances are low, but usually there are at least one or two out there.

The point is, keep the ball rolling, don't sit there in the corner, keeping silent and giving off that "I don't want to talk to you" atmosphere, since your intentions will usually be misunderstood as that.

If you're still an outcast then, I say just be proud and stay an outcast. Ever since my classmates started being good at "seeing the air through me", I just kept quiet unless I have something to say, and spent most of my time in the library doing my own stuff. (Trying to improve though)

Hope I've helped. :3



selflessness
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 14 Jan 2016
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 142

02 Feb 2016, 12:54 pm

Just because you're bad at talking doesn't mean you can't be good at listening. Ask people how they feel, what's troubling them etc. Parroting can be helpful if you don't overdo it. In general telling them what they want to hear is often a good thing. Agree with them even when you really don't and they'll feel understood and happy. Compliment them (but also not too much). Stuff like this goes a long way.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,241

04 Feb 2016, 8:22 am

ck990 wrote:
From the first day in high school I knew there was only one visible significant difference between neurotypical people and me and that is that I am the only quiet person there. I wanted to talk with others but I didn't know what to talk about. When I know what to talk about the conversation is very short and generic, others perceive me as boring to listen to and they would rather speak to a more talkative person. Long conversations can be exhausting and I dislike small talk. I am aware that other classmates see me a bit differently even if they don't say it.



I know what you are coming from because I used to have limited conversation topics in movies, cats, celebrities, tv shows and Lord of the Rings. When I moved in with an extended member of my family they provided mentor ship to me. This was by exposing me to new areas and expanding my horizons.



Substantially_Abstract
Raven
Raven

Joined: 15 Jun 2018
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 120

26 Aug 2018, 5:39 pm

What are your special interests? You could talk about them.
I also sometimes find conversations difficult, but what helps me is thinking and talking about philosophical questions or generalizing (how many dimensions are there/how did everything begin, what is intuition, what is the point of life...)



Child of the Universe
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 8 May 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 366

26 Aug 2018, 10:06 pm

I'm the exact opposite of this. I often dominate conversations and am too intense. I kind of wish I was "boring" to talk to. I agree though that small talk is awful, but instead of not engaging in it, I often turn the small talk into "large talk" and start talking about my special interests or deep issues. It's kind of hard to strike a balance between not talking at all and talking too much.


_________________
"Don't mind me. I come from another planet. I see horizons where you see borders." - Frida Kahlo


Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,241

27 Aug 2018, 10:43 am

ck990 wrote:
From the first day in high school I knew there was only one visible significant difference between neurotypical people and me and that is that I am the only quiet person there. I wanted to talk with others but I didn't know what to talk about. When I know what to talk about the conversation is very short and generic, others perceive me as boring to listen to and they would rather speak to a more talkative person. Long conversations can be exhausting and I dislike small talk. I am aware that other classmates see me a bit differently even if they don't say it.



That is because your brain is wired differently to talk about things that are made for learning and for redesigning or improving things. Don't let those people get to you. Still, you might want to check out
1. The Asperger Experts
2. Improve Your Social Skills with Dan Wendler
3. Listen to Speaking Geek by Jennifer O'Toole



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

27 Aug 2018, 10:49 am

ck990 wrote:
From the first day in high school I knew there was only one visible significant difference between neurotypical people and me and that is that I am the only quiet person there. I wanted to talk with others but I didn't know what to talk about. When I know what to talk about the conversation is very short and generic, others perceive me as boring to listen to and they would rather speak to a more talkative person. Long conversations can be exhausting and I dislike small talk. I am aware that other classmates see me a bit differently even if they don't say it.


I am sure some people perceive me as quite boring. That's fine.