How to deal with looking like a child when I'm an adult

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This is by far the biggest challenge I deal with. I'm 23 years old and for the past 10 years I've been mistaken for a 12/13 year old by nearly everyone who doesn't already know my age. I cannot leave the house alone without being asked why I'm not in school. I've had strangers approach me and ask where my mother is. I've had the police stop me and even had them CALLED on me because on top of people thinking I'm a child, they think I'm a liar. Constantly being approached by random people has driven me past my breaking point many times and I barely leave the house now. Not to mention I hate being a grown women and feeling like it but being treated like a child by those around me. It's unfair.

My main problem is that I'm only 4'8 tall but I've seen other women my height but I've never heard of anyone having such a struggle with this as I do. It gets more complicated than that. because of my sensory issues, I'm limited on the types of clothing I can stand. I usally wear very basic clothes, either a plain long sleeved shirt and yoga pants or jeans, or a plain jacket usually black or white. As a person I have no interest in fashion and makeup irritates my skin but I have in the past tried to wear nicer things just so I can look my age. What confuses me the most is when I see actual middle school kids they are dressed in Justice brand dresses and things with sequins and butterflies. I don't wear anything of that sort, so I doubt it's my clothes.

I already feel so much rage over this issue and it's hard to look in the mirror. I'm a woman. I want to feel like a woman. Sometimes because of how the world views me I'm forced to feel like a child. But I'm not. The worst people of all are the ones who tell me to embrace it...why would I embrace something I'm not? Why would I embrace the fact that I'm just trying to live my life like every single other adult and buy groceries but I get treated like I don't have a right to. I have lived in the women's mission before, lived in terrible group homes, walked miles and miles, but I go into a gas station and I'm told I look too young to be in there alone. It's the worst when I actually make effort ie. putting on makeup as much as I hate it, and someone ruins it by telling me I look 12. I HATE people and the way they think.

As for my demeanor I'm avoidant. I barely pay any attention to anyone or make eye contact. When I'm in the store I'm focused on buying groceries, I'm looking at the groceries, but they are looking at me ready to get in my business. Anyway this is turning into a rant; does anyone have any suggestions for how I can physically look older?

Yeah, I had the same problem. I looked very young until I was in my mid-twenties. Then I could pass for high-school age. Now I still get mistaken for a teenager. I am way older than 23. And I'm much taller than 4'8". All I can say is, try to dress more sophisticated when possible. Perhaps get a more sophisticated, mature, haircut. Wear boring shoes, too. Not sneakers, but the comfortable, slightly dressy shoes that no young person would be caught dead wearing.

I hate wearing nice clothes for comfort reasons. I wear what anyone else my age tends to wear and I can't get away with it, unfortunately. I also hate jewelry and makeup. I don't do much with my hair. I'm sure these things work against me. I've decided to dress in a more sophisticated manner when it matters, and not to care when I'm mistaken for a much younger person in day-to-day life. I can very easily pull out my ID if necessary.

If you carry yourself with confidence, and have a good posture and don't avoid eye contact, you will probably get a better reaction from others. If you have to, fake eye contact. Keep your head held high and smile with confidence. It really makes a difference.

Think of it this way, you just might look 35 when you're 55!

You'll be happy with that--trust me!

The combination of your clothes and your avoidance behaviors makes you look like a child who has skipped school.

In theory, you shouldn't have as many issues on weekends when school is out.

I'd get a Hillary Clinton button and make a case for voting for her to any adult who wants to talk to me.

Being small and mistaken for much younger people, I do things like wear a watch with actual hands. I just got one with a sapphire crystal so it won't scratch.

When I was a teenager I did not want to look older like every other girl my age. I liked looking my age. I did not want to be an adult, therefore I did not want to look like one. Also society tends to see girls developing their adult female parts as something to be embarrassed and ashamed of while boys it's like, "This is great you're becoming a man, let's get you a hooker and party".

I'm almost 43 now, so naturally it's awesome when people say I look young, even when my body seems to disagree.

Here are a couple links that might help:
http://www.levo.com/articles/fashion/ti ... er-at-work
https://www.nylon.com/articles/30-ways- ... 30-seconds

Wow this sounds like such an irritating thing to have to put up with. Especially people calling the police on you, that is ridiculous. People are idiots. They really should mind their own business. You shouldn't have to prove your age.

People usually think I look younger than my age. I've never been mistaken for a child. But I have seen how people will treat me differently if they assume my age is younger. It's very annoying.

A new hairstyle, coat, handbag or shoes might help. And this probably goes without saying but don't wear black and white together, navy and khaki, a plaid skirt or anything else that is reminiscent of a school uniform.

If you try to dress older, or wear makeup to look older, people still might think you're just a child trying to look older. What might help more is if you could change your body language. If you are avoidant then ironically people are drawn to that almost like a vortex sucking them in. It makes them nosy. I can see how this would really suck when you are shopping and obviously you're just trying to pick out what you want.

I have noticed this in my job, if I am not looking around at other people or speaking to them, they actually start approaching me and bothering me more. If I meet their eyes and say hello or nod and just move on quickly they are more likely to leave me alone. Depends on how people are in your community. You might have to be direct with people, when they approach you just go ahead and say: hey I know I look young but I'm not as young as you think. Anything that shows assertiveness or initiative is in your favor and will increase your perceived age.

Guy Post.

I'm in the same boat as yourself, a lot of people think I look 19, even club bouncers think I'm only 21-22, I have to carry ID with me all the time. Though I would say the perks outweigh the cons, there are times when I really need to look my actual age, usually dropping some cosmetic products is enough, but not always.

Some helpful links.
https://www.nylon.com/articles/30-ways- ... 30-seconds
http://www.levo.com/articles/fashion/ti ... er-at-work
http://www.wikihow.com/Look-Older

I think the bulk of your issue is you look "small, scared and not looking like you belong". Sort of like a scared dog or cat. Most adults have a self confidence walking down the street. If you are dodging eye contact and actively look like you are avoiding people (for no good reason is how others see it), yes you look like a teenage run away or a kid skipping school with your 4'8" height.

It's not make up or clothes, it's how you present yourself. My daughter has a teacher who is 4'11" and 25. To see a picture of her in yoga pants and t shirt, the woman looks 15. Meeting her in person is an entirely different deal. There is no doubt she is an adult, from how she carries herself to the tone of voice used in conversation.

My Aspie husband always get followed in stores because he has a general unease about him. He doesn't look like he "belongs", and is very very nervous. Store protection thinks he's going to steal something, so he gets followed.

I read body language is 80% of communication. If your body language screams young and naive (teenager) and you are a very petite woman, it is natural people think you are younger.

Your clothes sound fine, and I never wore/wear make up. I would learn how to fake a little eye contact, and maybe it will back people off a bit.

You're 23 and your biggest challenge is that you look too young? When I was 23 I was put in several different homes for people with chronic mental illness, surrounded by schizophrenic chain-smokers who smoked around me constantly so I frequently got sick or developed ear infections, and the staff encouraged it because they said it made their symptoms less severe. When I was 21 I had to live in a group home with ten other people like this with next to no privacy and had to share a bedroom and forced to get up early every morning and do chores and if you didn't get up in time they'd threaten you with extra chores that were really unpleasant like picking up the hundreds of cigarette butts that the smokers left on the ground because the staff I guess has never even heard of putting a trash can for them or the smokers didn't even care. When I was finally diagnosed with Asperger's I had nowhere to live because I'd been kicked out of the last home I was in so I was put in some horrible place for people with severe mental disabilities. When my mother came to the place even she was uncomfortable because everyone wanted to touch her and she and my dad took me in because she said if I stayed there much longer I would have had a nervous breakdown. It was so bad, every waking moment I felt impending doom, like I was going to die a horrible death. I'll I'll never, EVER really get over it!

Anyway, that's how what was supposed to be the best years of my life were wasted and ruined. If you think you have it bad, remember that someone always has it worse. I'm in my 40's now, and I have to look forward to is my body shutting down.

I agree with Tawaki's suggestions. If you were to say (calmly) what you wrote in the post above to almost anyone, they would very likely accept you as a young-looking adult. Simple.

I understand that changing your behaviors (like speech or posture) can be tedious and seem like the demands are placed on you. But, after a while, changed behaviors begin to seem natural. They end up becoming part of you.

Among autistic people we call this "masking." It takes a little time to learn, but it gets easier every day.