Eye Contact

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I used to have problems with making or keeping eye contact. I still do but to a much lesser extent. The other week me and a friend sat facing each other, knees touching, and stared into each others eyes for about 20 minutes. We could blink, but we had to keep eye contact, and not talk. I i found it easy to do, i had no problems, didn't feel uncomfortable or anything. I am generally quite comfortable with this person anyway, but i could have done it with anyone.
The reason for this i think is because the thing that made me (and still occasionally) uncomfortable about eye contact in everyday-life situations, was the feeling of being observed, like i might make a mistake, do something wrong.
While making eye contact for the 20 mins, there was nothing i could do wrong, apart from giggling too much, but that's OK.
Somehow doing that practice of staring, has made everyday-life eye contact generally easier. I perhaps did not realise that i was so worried about doing something wrong, and feeling anxious about it. Now i feel less bothered about it.
Do other people here have issues with eye contact, and don't know why you have them? Or do you just prefer not to make eye contact? Or not really see why people think it is necessary, so don't bother?
I'm just wondering what the different reasons are people don't want to make eye contact, or feel uncomfortable doing so.

For the longest time in my life, I didn't care about maintaining eye contact. Now, it's still a bit uncomfortable for me to stare into another person's eyes for the entire length of a conversation. I usually need to stare away and stare back at the eyes. On a side note, is this normal?

I think its fine to look away and then back, most people don't just stare at each other constantly. Some people especially with ASD have said they were not aware that they were expected to make some eye contact when talking, were you aware of an expectation when you were not making eye contact?

I wasn't aware of the expectation. I mean, I usually just wanted the other person to hear what I have to say or wanted to hear what they are saying. Now I look at it though, I guess not looking at them may indicate I was not listening to them?

That's great that you were able to master it InsomniaGirl!

I am terrible with eye contact. After a lot of analyses, I think it's for multiple reasons.
-It's very uncomfortable/unnerving: it feels like the person is burrowing into my brain (i.e. they can read my thoughts)
-It's distracting and hard to think about what I am saying.
-It doesn't occur to me to do it

But I think I am decent at faking it when I make the effort .
I can only hold true eye contact with one particular person. And for some reason I can stare-down people I see as a potential threat (like perceived sociopaths) and people who've just said/done something to royally piss me off. It's weird.

This is true for me as well. I either get stuck, babble nonsense or I need to avert my eyes from their to collect my thoughts.

Hey. I guess when you are angry you don't much care what the person is thinking about you, or how they perceive you so much. Its interesting isn't it, why we think they are burrowing into our brain when we know they are not. I suppose animals don't stare into each others eyes for ages. The social convention of gazing into each others eyes to show you are paying attention has a certain amount of artificial display about it. As far as i know i always did it. Possibly mimicking what i learned and picked up from parents and other people. I think you can tell a certain amount from looking at someone's eyes, but in some ways a lot less then custom may have you believe.

Did you mean to write something there?

Hmm...I thought I did write something there. It seems there was a malfunction and it got erased .

And of course now I can't remember what I wrote .

I have a funny relationship with the idea of eye contact. I am pretty certain that I have always had excellent eye contact. In fact when I would read books about autism I would get to the parts where they would say things such as "and many individuals on the autism spectrum find it very difficult if not painful to maintain eye contact." I would then say: "AHA! I look at people in the eyes all of the time! It doesn't hurt! I can't possibly be autistic!"
I think I read later In the book (blanking on the name) by Oliver Sacks in the section on autism about a quote that mentioned that earlier researchers believed that it was "impossible for autism (i.e. the autistic individual) to recognize itself." The very nature of autism that made it so "impenetrable" to others also concurrently obfuscated any ability for introspection and thus self-knowledge on the side of the individual as well.
I look back on that with irony-

I became obsessed with the idea of eye contact as a kid and made sure it make eye contact INCESSANTLY. So, instead of eye contact, I'm pretty sure I just drilled holes into people's head (methaphorically speaking of course) with the deep unflinching, concentrated unblinking and yet confused sates I would heap onto others. I had a LOT of people uncomfortable without knowing it haha!
People frequently commented that I looked like a psychopath dissecting a bug under a microscope when I looked at people (that was a verbatim quote).
Other people thought I looked angry because I had this great unblinking stare. The ENTIRE time I thought, "I have to make eye contact. I MUST make eye contact. I NEED TO MAKE EYE CONTACT! IT IS IMPARATIVE TO MAKE EYE CONTACT!! !"
I thought NTs cared about eye contact so much because they needed it or something. I found out later this is a bit culturally determined. Many people in other cultures don't make eye contact as much as westerners do because it is considered intimidating.
I also found that instead of really making eye contact I would stare at their mouths, or noses, or foreheads and not realize I was doing so.
Another thing I did was stare intently at their eyeballs thinking I would get some sort of hidden meaning or crack some code, so much so that I stared at their eyes in exclusion to anything else so I was consequently WORSE! at understanding what was going on because I had been so focused on so much on their eyes or the expressions they were making, or the direction they are looking in, but on the actual state of their eyeballs/pupils. (Typical Aspie move- took the whole eye contact concept waaay too literally).
Now I'm realizing that I could afford to scale back a bit and make eye contact less, and found that I can think much better when I'm not making eye contact. I also, don't really care to make eye contact as much anymore- I don't need to. No one (i.e. teachers) are sitting their ticking off boxes and/or counting how many second or minutes I blink or don't blink or cross my eyes or roll them or what ever.I have the freedom as an adult that I didn't have as a kid. That freedom shrinks at the office, but in line at starbucks or on public transport or what have you- no one cares!!

Also, I like wearing sunglasses for this very reason- eye contact becomes unhinged in a way.
Also, I would actual stand there and TRY to "study" people which they picked up on lol and made them uncomfortable haha.

On an unrelated note, is that you in your picture? You look very lovely; it's a great photo!

Haha of course :p

Hey, yes I think I might have gone over the top with eye contact at one point too. I think I might have thought it sexy at one point, or that people might think me deep or intelligent too.
Interesting point about culture, and the fact that it easier to think when not staring into eyes, not do much because it's hard to look at eyes, but because it takes effort to keep up a constant appearance.
Yes that's me

Not making or avoiding Eye Contact has to do with a deficiency in Theory of Mind (TOM) by Autistic people.

Try making eye contact and talking at the same time about nothing (small talk/chit chat). for me it gets a lot harder especially if I don't feel convertible. I also notice sometimes that I consciously try to avoid it because it makes me feel uneasy somehow.

http://cercor.oxfordjournals.org/conten ... ht003.full
http://cogweb.ucla.edu/CogSci/ToMM.html

Haha, I've had that issue where guys will think I'm staring at them in a "hey you're attractive" sort of way, but what I really am doing is semi-subconsciously thinking, "Should I blink now- or later, my eyes are never really dry... blinking is important... maybe I'll just glance to the side once or twice, but not too often because then I seem skiddish." And all this other mental calculus. Then I forget I'm looking at them/space out, and yep it gets "awkward".

If I'm actually attracted to another person, it will be very intense staring into your soul level of staring .... depending on the other person that usually goes over well or its overkill.

Lol, awesome your selfie game is on point then! Congrats I look super awkward in selfies, I'm convinced the camera angle has something to do with it